I packed a couple of meals, a change of clothes, and my passport Saturday morning in preparation for my journey across the border into Maryland to hash trail #638. Road trip! Perhaps I can submit an expense report to mismanagement for mileage? I panicked at the Maryland state line when I glanced at my dashboard clock and saw 9:47, then I realized that I was getting a radio reading, listening to 94.7, and it was only 9:30. Nonetheless, it was after 10:00 when I turned off Kenilworth Avenue and the hares were already away. How did I know the hares were already away? Because I auto-snared the hares and nearly destroyed my grill and alignment in the process.

Good scouts OhFeelYa Butts and Dual Air Bags took charge of reading the maps. My mind kept returning to the snowy, slushy, slurpy hash last February when DAB had a map to guide us, which was good until it was discovered that she was holding the map upside down and we were twice as far from the end (beer) as we had hoped. When she and Milk Money jogged away (on the walkers’ trail, remember), I stuck with OhFeelYa Butts.

We were snared by hare Dr. Strangelove, but he was more interested in getting away from the runners than in pantsing any of us.

Walkers’ and runners’ trails converged and led into a dense jungle just beyond a Metro stop. Wankers Aweigh noted the presence of grizzley bear berries which to me is still much better than anything related to snakes. , Cleap Slut regaled us with tales of r*nning 10Ks and other r*ces with Loan Shark, and we all commented on how tough it is not to short-cut when the cameras are aimed our way.

We sped across railroad tracks to what looked like an opening in a concrete wall, but the opening turned out to be another wall. Back along the tracks, flour was spotted and we continued left back into the jungle. Civilization was reached with the first jungle gym (get it?) and we were on in to Buddha’s backyard and an spread of the best of Oktoberfest foods and beer. Hares Dr. Strangelove and Buddha had pulled out all the stops - plenty of schnitzel, weiners, pretzels, and potato salad - no one left hungry.

The first r*nning finisher was Tenderloin, and all but three of the pack were hot on his heels. French Toasted and Big Bird Turd were led in nearly 20 minutes later having been led on a BT by BBT's faithful dog, Luci, who missed-read hashing scent at the check on the railroad tracks, probably because Whore Moans and I had pee'd there. Missing Link, Beazer, and the Other Dog came panting in during the circle.

There was much complaining about the beer stop that no one admitted to finding, the hares remain under suspicion for consuming all the beer at their own stop. (Wish I’d thought of doing that.) Mismanagement briefly entertained the idea of assigning members of the pack credit for three trail: first for driving almost to New Jersey, the second because there was no beer at the beer stop, and the third because it was, after all, a Buddha trail.

Ranger Dick and Cunning Runt engaged in a Battle of the Ugly Pants, where no one’s a winner. After that I had a tough time keeping my schnitzel down.

Drops A Load announced that his "bad Knee" is somewhat better, but even ibuprofin and stretching didn’t keep him from whining.

We were Pukeless today, so I was tapped for the honor of offering religious advice. While a member of the local constabulary loitered in a neighboring parking lot, the remnants of the pack circled up, and hares Buddha and Dr. Strangelove were brought forth and punished with a down-down for setting a trail way-the-hell-out-in-Maryland.

I was truly delighted that Hot Legs and Dual Air Bags had secured comfortable chairs for the duration of the circle. Being the generous person I am, I invited them to bring their chairs closer, into the middle of the circle, so they wouldn’t miss any of the "business". Several kind-hearted hashers even served them beer! It was the least we could do for a couple of MVH3 GBs (grand bimbos).

There was one virgin today.

Anniversaries from last week were Mighty Tight and Fouck with 5 apiece, and this week OhFeelYa Butts with 50. Visitors were Polly from Dublin and Holy Tit (Miss Red Dress) from WH4. The lone returner was FRB Tenderloin.

For a small pack there were plenty of violations:

French Toasted - Late Cummer wanna be

OhFeelYa Butts, Hot Legs, Whore Moans, Milk Money, and Dual Air Bags - running on the walkers' trail

Wankers Aweigh and Cheap Slut - actually walking the walkers' trail

Just Laurie and Just Sid - not knowing how to spell their name

See Dick Run - sending me directions to his trail so far in advance that I forgot about them and did not include them in the Trash

Holy Tit and Bavarian Bush - can no longer walk on water, got shoes wet

Blazing Straddle - changing clothes where the guys could not watch her

Last week's "5" anniversarians returned to the circle for this week's defense of their names. First was Might Tighty, who tried to convince us that his hash name was a play on his nerd name, thus "Mike Mighty Tight White", also fun to say with a southern accent. Then he admitted to being caught hashing through DuPont Circle, one thing led to another, and he got his name. For that story, he was allowed to keep it, too.

Then came the kiwi Fouck, which he pronounces "foick", making him my second tongue-twister of the day (damn you, Puke!). Fouck alleged that his name was something of an acronym for "fuck off you cunt". There was no way we could top that, so the lonely, dateless Fouck was forced to keep his name as well.

Quick Drawers, the hashit holder, was going out of town for several weeks, so he thoughtfully left the hashit with Wankers Aweigh. Nominations for hashit were Wankers Aweigh for having the hashit, Holy Tit for being a media slot (he was on the local news in his Red Dress), and me for a slight error in the Trash. Since I was running the circle, only Holy Tit remained on the ballot, and was unanimously awarded the hashit.

Following an announcement of that little error in the trash and it's humble correction, tweeter check, hats off, pots on the ground, and Swing Low, we were dismissed for the week.

For those who have not heard, our good friend Stained Sheetz has been in the hospital battling a nasty leg injury. Following amputation, his leg has grown back in record time. He is not supposed to run for several weeks, but his doctors said nothing about hashing. We all hope to see him back on trail soon.

For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit Harddrive's web page: http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3

If you still don't have internet access, get updates on area hashes on the hotline: (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.

Hash 642 – Nov 6^th - Stained Sheetz & assorted Veterans

Hash 643 – Nov 13^th - Put It Out

Hash 644 – Nov 20^th – Foul Balls, Water Sport

Hash 645 – Nov 27th – Thanksgiving Leftover Hash

Hash 646 – Dec 4^th – Needa Hare!

October 30^th is a joint MVH3 - FMH3 - WH4 trail, with beer, costumes, beer, band, and beer. Our usual 10:00 AM start time will be at 6:30 PM that day.

FOUND: CD – at AGM in May, sound track for "The Full Monty" .

Register NOW for the MVH3 Millinium New Year’s Eve Party, to be held New Year’s Eve. Registration forms are on Harddrive’s website.

Black Box has the up-to-date version of the DC Hash Directory, with information gleened from the Red Dress registrations. Instead of killing a forest this year, she will distribute only electronic copies. To get an electronic copy, email her at Patti.Thomas@ost.dot.gov

Joint Masters - Jaret "Yes Dear" Seiberg & Dave "Wankers Aweigh" Bertagnoli

Religious Advisor - Rich "Hawaiian Puke" Walker

Scribe/Subscribe - Carolyn "Latecomer" Sutherland & Samone "Perk-A-Set" Johnson

On-Sec - Barbara "Milk Money" Bredehoft

Hash Cash - Craig "Pudknocker" Puz

Hare Raiser - Tom "Three Times A Lady" Jones

Haberdasher/co-haberdasher - Mike "Dr Jekyll" Boyle & Heidi "Cunning Runt" Gerken

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Next Hash

Date: October 23

Hares: Harddrive, Continental Drip, and Roto

• Lots of good shiggy (think typical Roto/Harddrive trail…)
• Hardly any roads on trail.
• A mostly dry trail.
• Good food.
• Good beer.
• A walker’s trail.
• A real short trail for those doing the Marine Corps Marathon the next day.
• Great Fall colors.
• Guaranteed Dry Down-Down in the event of bad weather.
• It’s not Maryland.

Sound like fun? Allow a little bit of extra driving time and come on out to the country to hash. Afterwards, you can hang-out at Roto and Nightcrawler’s new abode, or head on to other locations in the general area and do stuff, such as:

• View nature at it’s best - Skyline Drive is about ½ hour away. Or,
• Drink some more - there are 4 wineries within ½ hour (it would be hard to do them all in one day though!). Or,
• Visit any of the small towns in the area for things like antique shopping, or drinking!

From Rosslyn, it is about one hour to the start. From Vienna Metro, it takes about 40-45 minutes. That should give you planning figures for how long it will take to get there.

1. Make sure your gas tank is full.
2. Get on Route 66 heading WEST. (Head – who said head?!?)
3. Take Route 66 WEST many miles, to Exit 27, the Second Marshall exit… (This is about 15 minutes past the first Manassas exit).
4. Take the second Marshall exit (exit 27). At the top of the hill, turn LEFT on Free State Road.
5. Cross over Route 66 on Free State Road. Turn RIGHT almost immediately onto Cresthill Road, also known as Route 647.
6. Follow Cresthill road for almost 6 miles. Along the way, you will pass the turn-offs for Ada Road and Hume Road.
7. At about 6 miles, turn LEFT on Wilson Road. Watch for this turn, as it will sneak up on you.
8. Proceed on Wilson Road about 3 and one-half (1/2) miles. Along the way you will pass Free State Road and Conde Road.
9. At about 3 and one-half (1/2) miles (this is about 200 yards past Conde road), turn RIGHT into the drive for the Fresta Valley Christian School. This driveway also sneaks up on you, so watch for it - there will be a little yellow sign.
10. Go up the dirt road about a quarter mile and look for the deviates. Park in the school parking lot.
11. Shut off motor, exit car, and get ready to hash….

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