Run 602
Trash 602
Hares: Steamer'sBitch, SingleWhiteE-Male & some babe
Location: Mt. Kill-a-man-jaro, MD
Evil Hares! Yes they are bad men (the woman is probably good, most are)
Virginia, and don't you ever forget it. First they made us cross the hated
American Legion Bridge and then actually drive amongst the most feared
motorists in all of these United States - Marylanders. Yikes! If this wasn't
enough to turn your hair gray, the hares then did the unthinkable and laid
a complicated trail with all these bizarre "check-back" markings. Lets face
facts, we aren't hashers because of some gigantic brainpower we possess. We
drink beer before noon. Just finding flour, not getting hit by a car/truck/baby carriage, and remembering to breathe is plenty tasking on our mental processes. However, today we were also supposed to think and count while on trail! Sheer
evil
I say.
There was a good size crowd, especially for a Maryland run. Butt-hay!
(sound it out), where is YesDear? The little bastard sets up these
Maryland runs so that he doesn't have far to drive. And where is he
today? At home getting laid? At work getting laid? Well the point is,
he isn't here, which is an ironic situation (literal irony). However,
we did see some new faces and some new doggies! Gotta love those big dogs
.
After some 15 minutes of explanation from the Hares on what their trail
markings really meant, they were released to go and remark the PRELAID
trail. How did we know that it was prelaid? Well, it wasn't the fact that there was flour sprinkled all over their clothing, or the flour patties (not
panties, patties) glued to their shoes, and it certainly wasn't the caked
flour all over their hands. Nope, they asked the Religious Advisor if
she thought they would need to remark the trail because of the rain. Duh.
OK so
they are evil and stupid.
At last they were off and CunningRunt called for the circle. Valiantly
she and DualAirBags tried to explain what to expect on today's trail.
Finally they gave up and asked the FRBs to mark trail for a change. Ouch!
With a twisted 'Ather Abraham under our respective belts, we began the
adventure. About 300 yards into the trail we hit the first check, which
split the pack into two major factions: those on trail and those not.
Hmmm, that was profound eh? It is not as stupid a statement as you might
think because it wasn't until almost a mile into the trail that we knew
for sure which
group was on and which was off. Byte's group (which included the Scribe)
followed a series of flour markings and hare's arrows right into a dead
end street. Yep, we were surrounded on all sides by chain link fencing,
garages, and barking dogs. No sign of a BT (The hares later admitted that
they hid the marking so it would not be too obvious! Is there someplace
where we can trade in our hares for new improved ones?). After backtracking
a ways, we wandered into the next check and again got caught in one of
these bizarre-o check backs. Things were so screwed at this point that
PoopDeck was the official FRB who led us down the road and into another BT.
After circling a school/church thing, we headed into the woods and began
a wondrous journey through the muck, mire, back roads and UP EVERY SINGLE
MAJOR MOUNTAIN in SilverSpring. I think there were 3 stream crossings-after
your feet freeze solid, your ability to remember things about the trail
seems to fade. Wonder why? Anyway, it is only mid-winter so, why not a
few gratuitous water crossings. I say EVIL hares.
Our salvation this day was QuickDrawers. He left markings all over creation.
Of course most of them where totally f***ed, but they were markings.
As we came through one check there was a QD marking pointing in the exact
opposite direction we were running. Yes, QD was running the trial backwards.
But wait. Not even 25 yards away was another QD marking, pointing in the
direction we were running? Go figure. At last we stumbled onto MissingLink
and Beezer who always seem to be on true trail.
After much more of this torture the FRBs emerged from a wooded section of
trail and espied chalk markings directing the runners one way and the
walkers another. We ciphered, the end is near. Wrong! After a slippery
jaunt through another wooded section, we emerged at the bottom of the
biggest damn hill I have ever seen. There was an audible gasp from the
FRB pack and then the moaning started. To make things worse, QD was
three-fourths the way up the hill. The climbing started. Byte was the
first to reach QD, who had started walking by then. Next was Dr. Jekyll.
That is when the QD decided it was time to run again and turning to DJ
remarked: "It is about time you kicked it into the next gear so you can
stay with me." With that, QD leapt ahead in a great burst of speed. The
perfect topping to the whole situation was the hare driving by and
yelling out that we were almost there. LIAR.
Eventually the hill ended and we started down: a quick left and the
finish.
DOWN-DOWNS
As the pack congregated in the street to discuss the best way to punish the
hares, several of SingleWhiteEMale's neighbors poked their heads out to
see what was going on. One of them was brave enough to shout out, "Hey Steve
[nerd name] is this your running group?" RUNNING GROUP? We are not a running
group! WE ARE A HASH - whatever that means.
After gorging ourselves on pasta and beer, the rituals began. At roughly the
same time, the walkers (who were ticked about not having a shortcut and
finding no food at the end) came in. The Hares drank and then drank again
when they returned with more beer!
There were 4 virgins: Dave Sherer, Maria Kurieta, Gail Whalen, and Sean
Burch. Maria was wearing a "Reston" sweatshirt. It is a sad day when I
have to go to Maryland to meet pretty girls who live in Reston. Sean is
another story. He is tall and fast. Worse yet, he seems to be a nice guy.
He even teaches a kick boxing class for the local gyms. He did say that
while he hates running, he really enjoyed today's escapade, so be looking
for him in the future - as an FRB. Hate him!
No visitors - no surprise. Who but those without a life would come to
Maryland to Hash.
Returners included: BigHole, BloodyHandJob, SunHungLo (and his new bike);
DaveHill; Val Rappelin-Hill (huh?); Cap'n Crunch; PortoPotty and LazerShit.
Anniversarians included: JeanneStudach (5); RangerDick (25); John Handcock
(45); LateCummer (65), *69 (65); ThreeTimesALady - he tried to give himself
185 runs, but was discovered during a Hash Audit as only having 85!;
MilkMoney (100) and CunningRunt (245).
Now the real reason folks read the trash - THE VIOLATIONS. First the old
folks who needed a flat space to put their plates so that they could eat
like civilized people: PudNocker, QuickDrawers, WankersAweigh. Then we had
those suffering from the Dr. Quick syndrome (they won't get their feet wet):
WankersAweigh and CorkScrewed. The hares were up on many counts: Prelaying,
Out of Food and Out of Beer. RangerDick stepped forward for wearing pants
only fit to be on a fashion maven like Dr. Jekyll. OllieNorth only did a
half-assed job of self decapitation - he ran directly into a branch that
put a good size cut in his head. No attempt to was made to try and miss
the branch, he just ran full steam into it. He later commented that a bloody
head job is better than no head job. Be warned! OK HandsSolo, where do
you find the trash? Can you say, trashcan?! SeeDickRun was caught trying
to steal an entire sleeve of Oreos and parking his big behind on the coolers
so that no one could get drinks. Is this the kind of behavior you would
expect from a man whose motto is Foreplay Before Intercourse? (FBI was
embroidered on his DownDown attire. What else could it mean?).
OralPresentation: CunningRunt is my woman and if I want (and she lets me)
I will kiss her butt whenever. Blazing Straddles was brought forward for
NOT doing a workout before the hash. Despite a grand effort, DriveThru
could not hide the new shoes from the Scribe. Finally we had to acknowledge
the poor state of BloodyHandJob. BHJ was reported to have carried several
Harriettes across the water so that they would not get their feet wet.
Even worse, a woman with whom BHJ does not have (and will probably never
have) sexual relations, ORDERED him to go to the kitchen and bring her
back a sleeve of OREOS. The whipped lad complied! What a poor example for
the rest of the male hashers. This is definitely a violation and a HASHIT
nomination.
The BHJ nomination was quickly followed by calls for the Hares (see above);
BadDog (for loosing his flashlight, or was it because he is annoying and
stupid). Bad Dog won - at least I think it is wining.
There were tweeterless, BlackBox did have a FullMoon annoucement, and Byte
managed to behave himself throughout the entire proceedings. Will miracles
never cease?
And remember,
Drink till she's cute.
Dr.Jekyll
e proceedings. Will miracles
never cease?
And remember,
Drink till she's cute.
Dr.Jekyll