Run 599
Hares: MissingLink & Dr. Strangelove
Location: Burke, VA
"I refuse to cum unless Byte is present."
CallGirl
Run 599
Does this give you an idea of how damned good today's run was.? I
thought so.
It started like most MVH3 Hashes - totally mucked-up. While this week's
directions were quite explicit (even Cap'n Titanic didn't have any
trouble finding the start), many of the pre-mature cummers remembered
last week's "Commuter Parking Lot" and began parking along the road,
rather than traveling an additional quarter mile to the parking lot only
to have to turn around again. You see, you can teach a Hasher a new
trick. Anyway, this behavior so annoyed MissingLink, that he wandered on
down to the HashCash (ThreeTimesALady - who, based on his comments about
SpinalTap at the last Mis-Management meeting, will soon be renamed to
ThreeTimesALady-and-OneTimeAMan) and forced him to shift to the parking
lot. This started a mass relocation effort that was soon a frigging
mess: the three open spaces were quickly snatched. And speaking of
snatches, CallGirl was wearing panties under that long shirt...many of
us can personally attest to that fact.
It wasn't long before we reached a critical mass and, lacking any Wesson
Oil, the hares were let loose with the call "HaresOff". Interestingly,
it took them almost three minutes to get their act together and begin
laying trail. It seems Dr. Strangelove was "tied-up" with some young
thing and, well, he just couldn't pullout. That would be rude. After
arriving at the finish (Dr. Strangelove's CASTLE) it is easy to see why
he gets that kind of attention. You go boy!
Once the hares were off, Rina took the opportunity to crap right in the
middle of the mal-formed 'Ather Abraham circle. Ever prepared and always
a good citizen, BlankCheck cleaned-up after his bitch which is more that
can be said for CallGirl and Kanga - and right in front of the school
yard No Pets sign. Her comment about the blessed event: "Oh well. Why
should I care? I don't have kids going to this school!"
Byte (who went to McDonald's for a pre-Hash feast and did not bring back
any treats for the pack! Can you say HashIt?) led the troops down the
path and through the first check. At the next check, Dr. Jekyll took
half the pack with him down to the slippery bridge from hell where he
did some totally outrageous acrobatics. Unfortunately, he could not
overcome gravity and crashed hard. To make matters even worse, it was a
BT.
True trail ended-up crossing Burke Center Parkway and continuing down
one slick hill to the railroad tracks. DejaVu? 'Twas a quick jaunt by
BonzaiBen's House (where is Bonzai these days?) and a loop around
da-lake before crossing over the tracks once again. We did the loop
around Lake Barcroft - required whenever you host a run in Burke - with
Buddha in the lead. Can you believe that? It wasn't long before the FRBs
caught-up to Buddha. Now be forewarned: BUDDHA DOES NOT PLAY NICE! Even
though the trail conditions were decidedly dangerous, Buddha thought it
great fun to step directly in front of hashers trying to pass him, even
if you called out "PASSING". Please be careful around Buddha, he can't
be trusted.
The next check caught all of the FRBs with their pants around their
ankles. What a sight. Eventually true trail was found and a lovely cross
country adventure was begun. Nothing like running along wet leaves, and
wet roots. Eventually we emerged from the woods and scooted across the
Fairfax County Parkway. It was here that the walkers were espied (Hah!
You didn't think that I would forget to use that word in the trash now
did you?). The led the pack to the last check. As fate would have it,
Dr. Jekyll and CunningRunt arrived at the check just as the Walkers
started to hunt for true trail. Forgetting the primary rule for all FRBs
(DON'T TRUST WALKERS) they believed the calls of BT and headed on down
another route. Some hours later, they wandered into the finish.
DOWNDOWNS
The finish was truly magnificent. We could congregate under Dr
Strangelove's stunning screened and covered back porch or make use of
the huge dance lounge he calls the basement - including a Karioke setup,
kegs on tap, a twirling lighted disco ball, and mirrored walls. To top
it off, the hares served-up some pretty awesome chili-dogs and potato
salad. Everyone (including DualAirBags) was in a great mood.
The hares drank first for having an outstanding run. No one dared say
anything bad about the run lest they be forced from this heavenly
enclave. That was doubly apparent when the ReligiousAdvisor invited
those willing to sleep with, be adopted by, or who wanted to just live
in the house with Dr. Strangelove to step forward so that he could
choose from among them! FullMetalBalls promised to be a good bitch - but
then again, he always promises that.
There were no virgins.
Two visitors were honored: BloodyVaginalReject and BullShit.
As for returners: BladeRuner, Rambo, KeepTheSteers, I'llTakeThe?,
WombBroom, MarcScott, RamButt, and Dahmer. The anniversarians included:
6YenMan (25); PinkiePenis (45), ScrewsEverybody (69); Fire&Ice (100);
ToreAss (115); Rutro (145); Dr. Jekyll (285) and ByteLightning (300).
There was one naming and it was a fiasco until we learned that Lucas
Jackson wanted a really disgusting name. So, henceforth and forever more
throughout the world of Hashing, Lucas will be known as ChickenFucker. I
have no idea how we got to this name, but I do believe it has to do with
having a group of half-wits drinking beer, smelling really bad and being
surrounded with mirrored walls.
The true fun came about with the announcements of VIOLATIONS: Dahmer,
Rutro, BadDog and HawaiianPuke (LateSignIn); DualAirBags, StainedSheets
and YesDear (fashion statement for all wearing the same top);
DualAirBags (straining the Scribe's wrist by forcing him to hold up one
of her boobs while she adjusted her jog-bra); CallGirl/Kanga
(environmental on trail); Rutro and BlankCheck (sex at the downdown.
Again I say, if you don't have enough for us all to share, you can't
have any either); RangerDick (noting that last week's run was listed at
$5 and only paying $4, as well as mentioning the error to the Scribe -
read my disclaimer you heathens); RangerDick, Fire&Ice; *69,
FullMetalBalls, ToreAss and 14K (fashion statement - wearing jeans to
the DownDowns); HymenDickOver (marking checks the wrong way so that he
could stay near the front); Rambo (penis surfing with DualAirBags. It
seems to me he should have earned our respect for this feat, but the
pack felt different.); DualAirBags (dumping everyone's dry clothes bags
to the ground, tossing them aside until she could find hers. She didn't
know what her bag looked like because it was new!); BecauseHeCan
(whining about running in the warm weather, while having goose-bumps);
DoesItForFree (breaking a hot dog in half with tongs - in front of male
hashers. Oooh.); Hares (Dahmer cooler filled with sodas - again);
CheapSlut (wearing a racing shirt and having a nudie magazine in his run
bag); Dribbler (wearing a racing shirt - and yes it counts no matter
what your time was); DreamBeaver (for asking permission to touch the
backside of HandsSolo and calling him by his formal nerd name-Mr.
Albanese, HandSolo- Mr. Albanese (for being so old that a gal who dated
his son in high school had to help push his big behind up a hill) and
the worst offense of all, BlazingStraddles, who went to England and
hashed about twenty times, but never once brought forth the vaunted MVH3
HashIt.
The awarding of the HashIt was a no brainer: BlazingStraddles. However,
in an ironic twist of fate, BigBirdTurd was awarded the item when it was
announced that he would be turning into a Grand Master (WhiteHouse) that
evening. Even more ironic, with the announced departure of BurntSox and
7Minutes, Byte requested that we all bring one of our black friends to
the next Hash so that he wouldn't be all alone in the Hash. Some how
this got turned into whining and well, Byte took the HashIt home again.
The last telling note about the true greatness of today's adventure was
during the Announcements. BlackBox leapt forward and started screeching
"this evening" over and over again. It was all the crowd needed,
breaking into a horrible rendition of "This Evening". Thankfully they
only knew one verse.
There is simply nothing more to say.
And remember,
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Dr. Jekyll