Run 598
Hares: MissingLink, ByteLightning & AssFault
Location: Hoo-ville
Today was a true stroll down memory lane for us old-timers. First we had
Byte and Link as da-hares, teaching a newbie-hare the "traditions".
Sound familiar? There were plenty of the old gang present as well -
RotoRouter, SnowFairy, Dribbler, StainedSheets, CheapSlut and LoanShark.
Funny, but they weren't the "old gang" back then. My goodness, even the
urban legend, HardDrive, was present. But the kicker was the appearance
of Dr. Quick and his virgin, Kristin Mancuso. DQ was a regular back long
ago, before he moved to Hawaii. Anyway, he was in town for a wedding-not
his own-and called PUDJAMO on a whim. Well surprise, surprise, the hash
was just down the road from where he was staying. The rest is now hash
history. The reminiscence was complete as we noted that, just like the
good-ole days, it was as cold as hell is hot at the start and we
finished outdoors!
The Hash began at a commuter parking lot. Well, this is what Link calls
it. The rest of the world calls it a small mud puddle. Most of us parked
along the road and hiked upteen-bazillion miles to the sign-in. But, you
can't complain too much as there was a gas station across the way for
pre-Hash relief, which many took advantage of. Cold weather does that to
a person I guess. Anyway, we did some good PR work as the gas attendant
was quite curious about all the requests for the restroom keys. In fact,
we may even have a virgin for next week.
It was an auspicious start with 'Ather Abraham being held on a somewhat
grassy knoll. The beauty of this was that the drivers on the Fairfax
Parkway were treated to some grand sights as the clan heaved and ho'd.
Finally we were off, wandering forward on a paved path that set the tone
for most of the run. It was covered with ice/snow making it nearly
impossible to see the flour marks. On top of all this, you couldn't tell
when the pavement was wet or ice-covered. Yes, to use Byte's favorite
phrase, there was BLACK ICE. Naturally, the hares took us on lots of
paved trails to take full advantage of the BLACK ICE, as well to test
our skating talents. Even the sage advice of ColdSweat (who lives in
this area and knows it like the back of his hand - or so he claims)
wasn't enough to keep us on true trail. At the first check, CS took the
FRBs to the right towards some power line trails and a big BT. Whose
hand does he know the back of?
Winding back and forth through neighborhoods and woods the pack moved
ever forward. The checks were tricky but thankfully we had RotoRouter
and HardDrive to do the hard part, blazing trail and marking the way for
the rest of us. At least, this is what they want you to believe and what
they shouted at the Scribe as he passed their sorry little butts. Hmm,
wasn't this the first time the FRBs had espied this dynamic duo today?
Why, yes it is. I guess they are true hash legends only in their own
minds. And what is with those designer tights of RR? You know the ones
with the big gaping holes in the legs? Perhaps we can all chip in to get
him some new ones?
The big feature of today's trail was the stream crossing. Yes, in the
middle of the f***ing winter, the hares have us wading through a stream.
Argh! Well, it is not so bad if you have neoprene socks. Anyway, believe
it or not, FrenchToasted was leading the way toward the stream, sort of.
It seems FT doesn't trust himself to find trail and stopped after only a
few yards to see if others had found true trail. Normally this would
have been enough to earn him the HashIt. However, today this was a good
thing as two big huk'n deer flew across the path just in front of FT
nearly knocking him to the ground. Ever late, BurntSox yelled out a
warning to FT AFTER the deer had passed. You go BS.
FT continued to stumble forward and eventually came to a stream. This
obstacle stumped him. He was not about to cross the stream until someone
else assured him that true trail lay on the other side, even though the
flour markings were clear about what had to be done. Sadly, FT wasn't
alone. It seems Dr. Quick wasn't going to cross the stream either. He
was whining on about being from Hawaii where it is warm and...you get
the picture. So, we left them there. (Dr. Quick is reported to have run
nearly two miles to get around crossing the stream. Yes, he drank for
this aberrant behavior.) In a truly nasty move, the hares set the next
obstacle to be a climb up a huge ice-covered hill - no mean trick with
wet shoes. This is not quite true if you are YesDear and have a dog to
get you UP. Don't go there if you aren't prepared for the answers.
As we crested the hill and started following YesDear and Bullwinkle on
true trail, the mental prowess of ThreeTimesALady was aptly
demonstrated. TTAL wondered aloud why his shoes suddenly seemed so
heavy. Duh.
DOWNDOWNs
At last, the finish. But what is this? An outdoor finish in the middle
of another mud puddle! Now this definitely takes us back to the old days
and means that we are true hash - at least by BlankCheck's definition.
>From my perspective, the hares are just darn lucky that it warmed-up
into reasonable temperatures by the finish. Darn lucky. One other quick
observation, as noted by Steamer: It is quite incredible (as well as
reminiscent of the good-ole days) that Link can find a spot for the
DownDowns that is in the wide-open and yet, no cops or nosy neighbors
showed their faces to ruin the festivities. Too bad this good luck
doesn't extend into Link's bedroom. Oooh. Nasty.
The hares drank first and were quickly followed by the VIRIGIN: Kristin
Mancuso. There were no visitors. Returners included: ColdSweat,
ContinentalDrip, Cumz&Goes, Fire&Ice, ToreAss, Dribbler, SnowFairy,
MotherPucker, RectalRipper, Dr.Quick and Andy Harrah.
A handful of Anniversaries were noted: 14K (25); DangClose (25);
BlackBox (85 and reportedly has really nice boobs); Buddah (100); Dr.
StrangleLove (269) and at the top of the heap - QuickDrawers (375).
Then there were the violations: HawaiianPuke, NavelJelly, Andy (friend
of BiteMeElmo, which explains a lot); IndecentProposal, MudBuns and Byte
(New shoes. Many of these folks claimed that their shoes were just
sparkling clean due to last week's slush run. Who cares. Shut up and
drink); RotoRouter & HardDrive (whistling and carrying on when
RangerDick took off his shirt on trail); RangerDick (being a tease to
RotoRouter and HardDrive); DrQuick (whining); FrenchToasted (being a
silly FRB); HawaiianPuke (he is late, which implies he must be pregnant.
DNA testing will commence immediately.); BecauseHeCan & DuckJob
(environment, at least they didn't do it together) and FoulBalls &
WaterSport (LateSignIn). Well there were two other violations. The first
I promised not to mention because GreatBallsOfFire would be embarrassed
to have it known how easily he recognizes scrotum skin on another male.
Now, how could that be? The other violation is a very serious one.
Today, MVH3 hit a new low: The Dahlmer Cooler was filled with SODA and
not beer. The hares are really lucky that the HashIt is in England with
BlazingStraddles.
There were tweeterless and announcements, as usual.
And remember: We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
DR.J.