Run 597
Hares: BecauseHeCan, MudBuns and Dirty&Hairy
Location: Snow Covered Hills of Kilimanjaro
Today's gathering was bleak, wet, snowy, and COLD. All I could think as
we began our jaunt down the road to the start was - "Thank goodness I
don't have to set the Hash today!".It seems this same sentiment was
echoed by all in attendance, including the hares.
If you arrived at the start early, you had a good chance at getting
parking space. However, since most of our clan is habitually late (it
has something to do with being old and memory loss, I think), they had
to battle the parents of the girl's basketball team for the scant
parking spaces. Experienced hashers like LizBert (who screeched out
"S**T" just as one of these young athletes wandered by with her family)
and RotoRouter (who was doing 360's down the road toward the school, had
no problem finding a space. Parents are happy to keep as much distance
as possible between the likes of these Hashers and their young-uns.
Just before the hares departed, two very interesting events occurred.
First the Hares sought out an FRB to carry a map of the course! They
were concerned that we might get lost. YIKES. This is a very bad sign.
How the heck will the rest of the pack be able to find anything if the
FRBs can't? Well the answer is, they can't. It was even worse for the
walkers - no map or shortcut. To make things even bleaker, BadDog was
walking this day and well, his sense of direction SUCKS. SpreadSheets
and LizBert (walker babes) were on true trail meandering forward many
times when BadDog would yell ONON! (even though he was not on trail),
pulling them into the woods to get lost, cold, and wet. While pulling
female hashers into the woods is normally a grand idea (you never know
when you will get lucky), doing this in the middle of a nasty, cold, and
wet day is just plain STUPID. Remember Lorena Bobbit! In fact, isn't
this type of behavior for which we invented the HashIt?
The second event was when BecauseHeCan asked us to keep an eye out for
his wife. She had the key that would open the bag vehicle - you know,
the place where we stash our warm clothes. The description he left was
certainly telling as well - she has brown hair. Double DUH. Naturally it
was Wilburr, who is on permanent scan for lone women wandering in
parking lots, who spotted the dame. Thankfully, the Scribe (that's me)
espied Wilburr stalking the woman and quickly interceded.
After learning that the Scribe had a map, DualAirBags decreed that it
should be turned over to her for safe keeping. While she argued that it
was better for the pack to have the map, so that more folks could make
it to the finish, her ulterior motive was clear as the run got underway.
It seems DABs has always aspired to be a FRB and well, when there is no
flour to follow, SHE with the map becomes critical to getting to the
food and beer. So, we waited at each check until DABs arrived and graced
us with an announcement of which road to follow. Yes, she did send the
FRBs down several BTs while she attempted to gain the lead. Silly woman.
And that is basically the trail. Ninety (90) minutes (unless you were a
walker - 120+ mintues) of no flour and plenty of ice water, slippery
iced tunnels, slick streets, angry motorists and waiting for DABs to
tell us where to go (literally). So much for a continuation of a stellar
start to the NewYear.
DOWNDOWNS
Thankfully there were no virgins and only one Visitor: Harvey Beaulieu.
Returners included: BadDog, ReEntry and 38Long.
Anniversarians included: DuckJob (15); BigBirdTurd (95); MudBuns (165);
PoopDeck (245); BavarianBush (245) and MissingLink (475). 475 Runs! My
GAWD! I didn't think we could count that high. Someone get this man a
life.
There was one naming. Alas, I slept through most of this (the cold takes
it toll on the old and infirm) and only the know the result: Speedie was
renamed to IceChest.
Violations: IceChest, HymenDickOver, BrambelBush, BurntSox (LateSignIn);
IceChest (running in only a jog bra - how did I miss that?);
HawaiianPuke and Wilburr(boasting about being real men); Hares (just
because); PoopDeck (making yellow snow); IndecentProposal (plastic wear
- huh? This is the last time I sleep through the DownDowns); BiteMeElmo
(using change to pay for the hash); DuckJob (birthday and fashion
statement); HardDrive (forgeries) and BrambleBush (a new front loading
bra).
BlankCheck was voted most likely to receive the HashIt, but in a move of
incredible stupidity, RotoRouter was the awardee: "I was just handing it
to BlankCheck." But, and she does have a nice one at that, our own
BlazingStraddles actually got to take it home. She dis'ed MVH3. BS
wanted to know why the MVH3 warmups cost more than the ones WhiteHouse
was selling. Some women are just safer left in the kitchen barefoot and
pregnant.
Till next week...
If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman to there to hear
him, is he still wrong?
DJ