Run 594
Hares: QuickDrawers & DualAirBags
Location: Foul-Mouth VA
For all of you who stayed home - too bad. You missed one of the greatest
runs of all time. It was incredible: all down hill, no water crossings,
no mud, no shiggy, warm weather, a perfect paced jaunt for gossiping
with your friends, Hasher-friendly checks, plenty of gorgeous scenery
(the trail was nice too) and plenty of ice-cold delicious beer at the
finish served by buxom, blonde wenchitas (pronounced `when-cheetas`).
All of this and it was FREE. Yep, because of the low turnout, in
anticipation of the trail you ran today, and as a nice little
pre-Christmas gift, the Hares put all of this on for FREE. You losers!
Next time you should think about heading South for a "real" winter run
and get your big-ole sorry butts out of bed...this means you too
HardDrive.
True the drive to FoulMouth VA did require a three-day head start,
appropriate VISA and Passport validations as well as consent from the
State Department (I won't mention the need for the health shots 'cause
I'm a nice guy.) and a hefty supply of road food. But think of the all
the adventures you could have had during the ride - we (that would be
the Runt and I) counted 3 women giving their boyfriends/whatever that
special "heads-up". Now there's a way to "blow" a couple of minutes
(maybe even 7 Minutes) on the trip - eh? Then there was Santa and that
nice woman who pulled into the No-Tell Motel (while we were gassing up
the truck for the third time) to open up their "packages". There is even
a chance for life-and-death drama - we were nearly run off the road by
some big huk'n semi-tractor trailer. Why did the truck decide to change
lanes right then? Who knows, but think of the excitement you just
missed. Besides, where else but Foul Mouth VA can you see real, living
rednecks in their natural environment, or men/boys driving big-wheeled
trucks covered in mud with a mouthful of chew'n 'baccy? Well you could
go to Maryland, but who would want to drive that far? And only here in
rural Virginia can you see why the Government wants/needs to institute a
mandatory waiting period for the purchase of guns...just look at who is
carrying them. You gotta love this country.
DOWN DOWNS
Anniversarians: CorkScrewed (169); StainedSheets/Gorbachev (395);
CheapSlut (445). It would appear that CheapSlut now has a life. Because
of this fact and in order to stifle Gorbie's incessant whining, Gorbie
was officially crowned as the "Leader of the Get A Life Club".
Virgins: Doug Brown. Yes, he must have been a true virgin for he was
bleeding when FMB finished him off. He was temporarily named as
CloningGoneBad as he looked remarkably like WhiteLightning, or was it
BarneySoreAss. Six of one, half dozen of the other.
Visitors: Paul Brown - relation to Doug Brown? Only their mothers know
for sure. Paul was a visitor because, well, he was from Arlington VA and
he wasn't real sure if he was still in the US at this point.
Returners: No Quickies.
Namings: Karen Rahlf was officially renamed as HolidayHo. This was to
acknowledge her volunteer work with the homeless during this blessed
season. Unfortunately for the male Hashers of our tribe, she will not
"bless" them for anything less than $200 a pop. Don't ask how the Scribe
knows all this. I know nothing. I see nothing. I touch no-one. I hear
everything.
Violations: HairyBuddah, BenWaBalls (LateSignIn and sex on trail - with
each other!!!); CheapSlut (LateSignIn - only has sex with himself);
Deliverance (LateSignIn and never has sex); RedSnapper and WaterPark
(officially designated walkers are not allowed to run. End of story!
Both like to have lots of sex.); MissingLink (New eyes. Such pretty
eyes. Yikes, I've been down south too long. Can spell sex.); BigBirdTurd
- endangering the life of the Hash's bestest Golden Retriever (May have
had sex once in elementary school but is not quite sure); Psycho
(fashion styling and profiling, knows what sex is, but it is against his
religion to do it) and FrenchToasted and Byte (racing, with FT actually
getting ahead on Byte. Mind you it was a little white head - emphasis on
the little. No need to describe their sex history any further.)
HashIt: CorkScrewed - for ignoring the direction of the pack and heading
off to run his own trail; Buddah and BenWaBalls (see above); DougBrown
(semi-officially named as either Junior or Jethro) - for not knowing how
to tie up HolidayHo in honor of her 5th run; MudBuns - for not wearing
the dinosaur hat given to her by the Scribe last week; and Hands Solo
for blurting out something really stupid and mostly unintelligible after
the nominations were concluded. HandsSolo "won".
That's it.
And remember...
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
DJ