This is the season when folks start to behave like civilized human
beings. They do things like hold the door for you, say please and thank
you, step aside to let you pass, and even stop lying. (Of course there
is a limit to what you can expect even during the Holiday Season - NO
ONE is going to let you have a close-in parking space!). Isn't it
amazing how that early childhood brainwashing (and our own greed) can
force us to behave this way just to get that special reward from Santa.
(I've got your reward right here!) Happily, our own Hash group is no
exception.
First we note the incredibly "considerate" behavior of QuickDrawers and
DropsALoad. These two had shortcut so far ahead of the FRBs that they
were actually running the trail backwards. Even more astonishing is that
they were NOT marking the checks, "...so that we would not ruin the joy
of discovering trail for those following behind." (Even I am having a
hard time believing this load that DropsALoad dropped.) In fact, QD &
DAL were so moved by the Holiday Spirit that when they realized that
they were running trail backwards (they looked-up and saw the FRBs/pack
headed toward them) they patiently waited until the pack arrived before
heading back onto trail. And bless their little hearts, they did not
tell folks where true trail actually lay. I am sure Santa will bring
them lots of goodies for such "unselfish" behavior...lots of coal.
One of our esteemed HashMasters was so moved by this joyous season that he stopped lying - at least to the male hashers - as the following quote demonstrates:
"One of the Joint Masters, told me that it only took them two hours to
lay the trail...just before they left to 'lay' the trail."
RotoRouter
Of course, FMB didn't do this until after he and DualAirBags had declared that because of the gift exchange, no violations or anniversaries would be celebrated this day. Still, he did tell the truth. One lump or two? Even MissingLink was on his best behavior. While he did scarf the rest of CunningRunt's Christmas Guinness, he was considerate enough to refill the bottle with Hash beer. Such a saintly guy. ML also described his good friend Byte in glowing terms (perhaps in hopes of a great gift in return):
"He's the only guy I know who can walk on his hands and knees on the
sand and leave 5 tracks behind."
MissingLink
Other examples of folks and their best behaviors include:
ThreeTimesALady, who shared his secret for getting wives - "All of my wives have been virgins!." (To which MissingLink responded: "I guarantee his next one won't be. I guess he broke the string - literally.)"
Pudnocker, who offered his car to Byte and IndecentProposal so they could have sex. (But, IP hadn't had enough to drink yet.) Even Byte was in the Holiday spirit, he promised not to go too deep.
Byte, who brought extra food for those who couldn't stand in line. Of course, if you wanted a french fry, you had to take it from his clenched teeth, which MudBuns did do-do. WooHoo. This might even be on film. News at 11)
IndecentProposal, who pretended to be interested in having sex with Byte, so as to not hurt his feelings.
BlankCheck, who shared his trash with the rest of the troupe. He kept balling it up and tossing it to different tables, trying to plop it into their beer. But he was sharing.
NoClass and Steamer, who brought a child as their WhiteElephant gift. Alas, they had no takers and had to take it back home with them.
BidBirdTurd, who out of respect for the child amongst us (and extraordinary fear of losing his testicles to NoClass), did put out his cigar.
FlyTheFriendlyThighs and BlazingStraddles, who took pity on the lowly Scribe and groped his butt to help cheer him up. I know Santa will have an extra big (and chubby) gift for these two!
DriveThru, who was kind enough to wander throughout the crowd demonstrating her "fu** me" shoes.
Wilburr, who demonstrated unparalleled generosity by bringing a toilet from his own home as his hash gift. You just can't get more generous than that! In fact Wilburr would probably have won his bet with BlazingStraddles on who had the most memorable hash gift, if BS hadn't offered herself for an evening of fun and entertainment to whoever took the lamp.
As always, there were a handful gifts that EVERYONE just had to have, even if it was for just a moment. The most prized possession was the Talking Shark Bowl. CheapSlut made a valiant attempt to get the SharkBowl, but was foiled by the more senior MissingLink, who walked away with it. CS was left to pick from the remaining gifts and as I recall it, he got the "shaft". (Prize status is determined by the number of times it was stolen from other hahsers and the ranking of the Hasher who walked away with the gift). A smashing green jersey was a close runner up, going home with QuickDrawers. There was some controversy surrounding the Oreo Cookie Jar, as PhysicalTerrorist attempted to abscond with it before Byte had his chance to steal it. Luckily, so many hashers were blocking the door that PT could not get it to get to her car. Byte did take it home. There was also a significant amount of commotion surrounding a stunning dinosaur hat which, when the dust settled, ended-up with Dr. Jekyll, much to MudBuns chagrin. YES! However, pleading her case extremely well (and with the promise of more bed-breaking sex) DJ handed over the hat to MudBuns.
It was a grand time. You were surrounded by some 100 of your closest friends, neighbors and potential lovers with plenty of beer and good food. And on top of all this, you got to walk away with a gift by which you can always remember this special day! And perhaps most important of all, I think we recruited some good looking young lasses (bar tender and waitress!) to come run with us.
On a slightly more serious note, there are two folks I would like to thank for demonstrating the true meaning of the holidays: FullMetalBalls and RangerDick. Today, both demonstrated some of the most unselfish and considerate behavior I have ever seen in a hasher.
RangerDick brought a special Chanukah gift for Buddah - a musical dradle - and gave CunningRunt his one-of-a-kind (girlfriend made) ugly PinkElephant pants. He did not even ask for sex in return (which she tells me she would have gladly done. TO0 LATE DUDE. Better luck next year).
FullMetalBalls, who despite being exhausted from the day's activities, cheerfully hauled away the trash and took those gifts which were left behind (the cut-up kitchen sink, the toilet, etc) to the dump.
It's comforting to know that our little Hashing family has cool folks like these two sprinkled throughout. We should all try to emulate (no it is not a medical procedure) these two throughout the year.
Happy Holidays and Cool Yule, to you and you and you. (You have to say it real fast and with a bad French accent to get the full effect). Dr. Jekyll