Run 584
Hares: ThreeTimesALady & Pennis
Location: Heavenly Herndon VA
It was a fairly small group of hashers that appeared at Herndon High
School for
this week's run. As I see it, there are three possible reasons for this.
First,
our group could be composed of members like Byte, HardDrive, and LizBert
(read
stupid) who follow the hare's directions to the letter and end up in
some far
and distant non-start location. (Eventually, they did make it to the
start.)
Nah. Second, it could be that the slightly inclement weather caused
folks to
stay away. But this isn't reasonable based on past head-counts. Sadly,
we are
left with the third and the worst reason...a large number of our group
must have
been planning to run the Army 10 Mile RACE. It is so sad when a hash
degenerates
to the point where a significant number of its members RACE. Thank
goodness we
have folks like Wilburr, JohnHandCock, DrinksOnMeBud, NurseCrotchet and
BlazingStraddle. These intrepid adventurers headed (in some cases
literally -
how about that Hooker Hash eh Wilburr?) off to far-away lands to drink
lots of
beer and thrash about in the jungle! Fortunately, these true hashers
exactly
counter-balance the dreaded RACERS, at least for this week. To help keep
Hash-
World peace, don't RACE, DRINK. Enough preaching and on with the story.
After a weak 'Ather Abraham, we began a long loop around the high
school. Just
as the pack finished rounding the building, we stumbled into an
especially
difficult check. It was here that Byte and BlankCheck got into a nasty
lover's
spat about who was supposed to check where. This must have been quite a
distracting sight to the youngsters taking their SAT exams. While these
two were
at each other's throats, StainedSheets demonstrated that you don't need
speed to
be an FRB, just possess a stubborn streak two miles wide. SS headed down
one of
the side-streets and damned if there wasn't one little molecule of flour
about
half-a-mile down the road. True trail!
We continued weaving through a nice quiet neighborhood always going
up-hill.
This must violate some law of physics. Anyway, trail continued along
beautiful paved paths with small excursions into the bush (WooHoo) and
across
several small streams. The hares managed to turn the FRBs about several
times.
What more can I say, you just can't trash a Hash that is less than 5
minutes
from your house and which you did not have to host. It is that simple.
Of course
our hares made it easier to give the trail a big thumbs-up by doing a
fine job
of marking trail. Well, expect for Pennis' penchant for laying one
dollop of
flour well into a side road, DESPITE THE TRAIL CONTINUING FORWARD. Argh!
If the hares aren't today's great trail evil then it must be the
walkers. (The
FRBs are just too heavenly to ever commit great hash sins.) And so it
was this
day. After hours (seemingly so) of trail running, the FRBs espied the
walkers up
ahead as they were motoring down a hill. Just then the walkers shouted
"BT". Of
course the FRBs believed them, even though the evil walkers were not
returning
to the check. Nope. Instead, the FRBs (and hence the pack) did an extra
mile or
so loop while the walkers short-cut BIG TIME. At least the walkers had
to suffer
through the tunnel of death, darkness, and dookey while the pack et al.
were
able to go over top. But again the walker's evil nature overtook them
and while
standing in calf deep dookey, they called out that they were on trail.
Lies.
But, Byte believed them which in turn sucked a number of us into the
mire as
well. Will we ever learn? I doubt it.
After a long and very draining up-a-mountain run we found the DownDowns
in the
rear of Pennis' home. In order to agitate his neighbors several of us
changed
clothes in his front yard. Only time will tell if we succeeded.
The pack was treated to bagels, ham and cheese with a couple of side
dishes of
yellow jackets and beer. Hmmm, thems good eat'n. We waited quite some
time for
the stragglers like Hymen-Dick-Over. HDO was culled from the pack at the
high
school check from hell and never saw another hasher until he wandered
into the
finish. He should have been called forward for cheating as he only found
the
finish by using an area map he just happened to pick-up at a local park.
But,
well, it just never happened.
Finally the rituals began. First were the Hares who drank heartily. The
VIRGINS
followed suit: Bill Roeder, Tom Voeller and Keri Bahorich. RETURNERS
included:
HeatSeekingMoistureMissle and CallGirl (who brought along Kanga, her
three
legged dog.) Sadly there were no visitors and only a handful of
ANNIVERSARIANS:
Steve Rigliese (5); NavalJelly (15); ThreeTimesALady (69 - been there
before
don't you think?); and StainedSheets (385). The potential re-naming of
HeatSeekingMoistureMissle was unanimously vetoed by the pack. How could
you
come-up with a better, more obnoxious name than that?
Then the violations. For such a seemingly nice run and a small pack, we
had one
heck of a group of VIOLATORS: HollowPoint (for playing with himself and
bragging
about it to BlazingStraddles, for not having any black friends, and for
believing that women don't belong working at a construction site - no he
doesn't
get a lot of dates); JustGreg (putting down hare's arrows at checks);
SlickSlit
(representing the walkers - LYING); BecauseHeCan (whining about
following Byte
down some BTs); CheapSlut (for coming up with a totally offensive
meaning to
BecauseHeCan's initials - Big Huk'n C***!); HandSolo (for asking what
time it
was every other minute - get a watch); FrenchToasted and CallGirl
(fashion
statement - same top); Byte and BlankCheck (lover's spat); JustSteve
(email faux
pas!); DriveThru and BrambleBush (cat fighting); FrenchToasted and
LateCummer
(something about fucking a full moon - don't go there); FoulBalls and
WaterSport
(LateSignIn) and then the known RACERS (DualAirBags, Byte,
FullMetalBalls,
BecauseHeCan, HardDrive). Phew.
The Hash-It desired to speak causing the following nominations: Dr.
Jekyll (who
knows why); JustSteve (for being stupid with his e.mail); FullMetalBalls
(current Hash-It) and StainedSheets (for marrying off his daughter
before any of
us got to sleep with her). Yep, SS won hands down.
Then in honor of RedSnapper's 50th birthday and out of respect for the
youngsters in our presence, we sang a non-hash Happy Birthday. Boring.
As always there were Tweeterless and Announcements but who really cares
about
that stuff?
Time is the best teacher: Unfortunately, it kills all its students.
Dr. Jekyll