Despite the weather looking a tad bit threatening, it was a lively group that assembled behind the Giant in "Bites-ville" MD. Lively because they were anticipating RedDressRun photos and saucy stories about the goings-on. CheapSlut helped out on the photo front with a number of "candid" shots. His most intriguing was that of a young woman who was reported (and later verified by none-other than FMB, DUH!) to have a shaven and pierced snatch which she would be glad to show you! I think her name was Monica but you must check with CheapSlut, FMB and/or Bill for full details. No, this was not the same girl with whom Steamer'sBitch engaged in some odd variation of the VulcanMindMeld near the end of RedDressRun V. In this version, SB had his tongue plunged deep down her throat. This and many other assorted and sordid stories about RDR V circulated quickly among the Hash and caused a slight delay in us getting off, so to speak.
At last we began walking, with Trina (Little Guinea's pet) taking the point and infuriating ByteLightning in the process. BL looked over and said: "Trina, if you aren't going to help check, get the hell back." And damn if Trina didn't stop and turn back. Byte has such a way with animals, perhaps he should be renamed Dr. Doolittle. Anyway, as the trail led on, Trina gained some moxie and began a series of moves calculated to help LittleGuinea gain FRB status - she would run up and suddenly stop in front of the lead FRBs. (Has she been taking lessons from Rina?) Buddha saw how viable a strategy this was and started behaving in a similar manner (but more effectively because of his, er, greater stature). Alas, Byte's and CheckMyShorts' remonstrations had no effect on Buddha. I guess that Dr. DoLittle thing is transitory.
The hares laid a wonderful trail that had a bazillion (this is a technical term originally defined by Carl Sagan which means - a great many) checks. Despite this ponderous collection of checks, QuickDrawers still moaned about how there weren't checks in particular spots. But, you know, when you get to be QD's age (it was his birthday today!) you get a bit curmudgeonly...at least that is what I hear.
The Hash wound back and forth over wooded trails heavily populated with tree roots, rocks, and other ankle destroying paraphernalia. There were ample hills and shiggy sprinkled throughout. Small road and tarred path trail sections were also interspersed, making for a lovely hashing experience. Well, except for the sewer tunnel from HELL, which apparently only Dr. Jekyll and CunningRunt managed to navigate. (Yes it is a family thing.) This was one ugly tunnel: vile shoe-sucking mud piled on the right such that you could not help but slide into the putrid water on the left. And the stench...WooHoo. At least there was "clean" water on the other side of the tunnel for shoe rinsing. The only question in my mind (after having managed to cross the damned obstacle) was, Why the heck wasn't this part of the trail?
As the FRBs exited from the streambed containing the tunnel, they were greeted with a very unusual scene...FatLady in the lead quite a ways down the street. Boogers. At least it was a short jaunt to the cars and the finish, right behind the start. Yes, it was a Mount Vernon A-to-A run!
Hashers were greeted with cold drinks, some bean soup and some pasta that must have gone bad...it was green. Yucko. Oh well, as long as there is beer and I get to use my way-cool scratch-n-sniff beer can holder. (No it is not for sale!)
It wasn't long before the call for the Hares to drink was heard. And drink they did. The next up were the VIRGINS: Lou Galway and Michon Bechamps. We only had one visitor this day: Mike Kontburns...gee I wonder what his hash name will be if he ever shows up again.RETURNERS included: HairBall, GraveRobber, SnowFairy & Dribbler (which meant that the hares would have to drink again!). Then the ANNIVERSARIANS were brought forth to serenade the rest of the hash because of their great number: Roger Kilgore (5); CJ Kalber (5); Pamela Kinsbury (5); Indecent Proposal (25); *69 (50); SweetCheeks (100); Pudnocker (165); FMB (165); SnowFairy (185); SlickSlit (275) and HardDrive (335). However, MisManagement should be severely punished for missing the return of one of our most favored Hashers. Beezer. She has made a remarkable recovery and will be joining us on regular basis from now on.
We were particularly blessed this day with four potential namings. GraveRobber absolutely refused to even discuss the possibility of being renamed and was left to his own devices. Peter Koltay did not appear when summoned and someone claims that he already has a Hash moniker. If this is true, please let the Scribe know so that I can use that name in vain in future editions of this rag. Finally someone in need of a life and a name: Pamela Kingsbury. After many go-rounds, it was unanimously decided that henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of Hashing, Pamela would be known as "Pussy In A Hat" out of respect for her t-shirt (The Cat in the Hat). Chuck Chiapetti, who was wearing a "normal" t-shirt was then named NavalJelly because, as a group, we are bastards. And I mean that in only the nicest way possible. Hah.
Finally the VIOLATIONS: BurntSox, BadDog, and CJ Kalber (LateSignIn); QuickDrawers (whining about checks); MudBuns (wearing pink running shoes); LittleGuinea (new shoes and using Trina to get 'ahead' in the hash); Byte (wearing new shoes at the RedDressRun and not expecting us to find out about it); Steamer and PussyInTheHat (matching t-shirts); Steamer (getting naked at the DownDown); Steamer'sBitch (sniffing PussyInTheHat's butt); YesDear (environmental - it doesn't matter that it was a Port-o-Pot, it was on the trail); CheckMyShorts (whining and wasting the Scribe's valuable time trying to get Margo-The Virgin to drink); PussyInTheHat (premature running); PutItOut (chest nubs: new hair on chest. Don't ask!); BadDog (can't tell a check from a hole in the ground); Buddha (using his big behind to block the trail); GraveRobber and Byte (matching t-shirts) and finally, SnowFairy (for turning in her own mother for a private party!). After this set of DownDowns, talk immediately turned to the HashIt. Nominated were: BigBirdTurd (who knows why); SnowFairy (for turning in her own mother); QuickDrawers (he needed a birthday present); CheckMyShorts (obsession with getting Margo-The Virgin drunk) and MissingLink (for getting lost on an A-to-A run?). Following usual HashLogic (which is the antithesis of true logic as best as I can cipher), MissingLink once again won the trophy and can be seen next week wielding the prize.
There was a very important announcement from MisManagement that all should note as it can directly affect your pocketbook:
The budget for haring a trail is $175. MisManagement will consider on a case-by-case basis requests up to $200. Anything over $200 will have to be paid for out of the hares' own pockets. So sayeth MisManagement. You are now forewarned.
There were tweeterless and then we left to go our separate ways. It was only then that *69 told us about buying a new house. (Drinking offense twice over). It was also at this time that Steamer'sBitch brought out his big water gun (no it was not his...you know) and started soaking PussyInTheHat and anyone else that got in the way. Who knows why and then again, who really cares. At that, we left to find showers, food and sex...not necessarily in that order.
Montana - at least our cows are sane.
DJ