Run 573
Hares: PinkiePenis (with a little help from his friend *69)
Location: Claude Moore Park, C-ass-cades, VA
All you really need to know about today's hash is that it finished at a
brewery. What more matters? There was an incredible selection of lagers,
ales, stouts, even root beer, accompanied by real meat (as compared to
our usual processed bologna) and potato salad. All this and
air-conditioning too. Who really cares what it took to get here?
So what if DualAirBags and FullMetalBalls had to drive for thirty days
and nights to get to the start? They were so cute bringing out the
little pop-up pup-tent they used on their sojourn. (I'm not even going
to guess who is the pup in that relationship.) Who cares that
LadyBugger, having entered the Park at the wrong entrance, had to put it
in four wheel drive and auto-hash over the soccer field to get to the
start? Who cares that FreshTesticle was stopped by JoeCop for speeding
(something about 69 in 45; but don't worry, he "knows" the judge) on his
way to the start? The
point is, we finished at a brewery with all the beer you could drink for
only $6. And it was good beer!
Does it really matter that several long forgotten faces reappeared this
day: LittleGuinea and SweetCheeks; PoopDeck (who claims to have missed
the last several hashes because he had to drink root beer?!) and
ScrewsEverybody; DiamondHead; the irreplaceable Rambo (give that man a
beer so he stops singing); Section8; KalASocky and Peter Koltay? I think
not, especially when there are so many beers to taste-test.
In light of the finish, it is of small consequence that after the 'Ather
Abraham (and a little pep-talk from *69 about PI, deer flies, and such)
that the trail headed into the woods and a wonderfully complex check.
The trail from the check led us around a little fishing pond and then
through a series of wooded trails with hideous foul smelling stream
crossings, nightmarish briars, eye-gouging branches and gawd-awful long
BTs. (But they were always well marked. All this and only one hare!).
Even MadDog (or is it BadDog) who went mud puddle dipping (maybe he
should be
called MudDog) couldn't complain when finally arriving at the finish -
his mouth was too full of food and drink. Similarly, high from his "root
beer" even PoopDeck couldn't feel bad for having followed FreshTesticle
down the garden path (acutally it was a about a half-mile wooded trail
that had no flour markings). Yes it was stupid, but how can you feel bad
about that with a cold "root beer" in one hand and big honking sandwich
in the other?
The only real complaint came from a red-headed youngster who
(rightfully) whined about ByteMeElmo constantly bending over in front of
the lad in a merciless session of teasing throughout the entire trail.
But even this dude calmed down after a brew or two.
Despite all these good vibes, there were some violations and other
noteworthy events. The following anniversaries were observed:
PeterKoltay (5); Alan Ford (5); DangerouslyClose (6); FreshTesticle
(15); DiamondHead (25); LateCummer (45); BigBirdturd (75); FrenchToasted
(145); SpreadSheets (169) and MissingLink (455). The following virgins
were left untouched (too many bloated Hashers from the feasting to even
think about sex): Jeff
Koltay; Rosemary Hogan and Allison Kennedy (whom SlickSlit really
frightened with all that talk about tasting the youngster). Allison was
also suitably embarrassed when her Mom (LadyBugger) came forward to show
her how to swallow.
There was almost a naming, but in the end (which is how FullMetalBalls
likes it), DangerouslyClose was allowed to keep her moniker.
Sadly, there were a few misbehaving individuals at this hash, including:
SlotMachine (dropping trou at a recent hash get together; Sorry about
getting your HashName screwed-up SM. It won't happen again? ); MilkMoney
& ByteMeElmo (criticizing the Scribe's outfit. If y'all aren't careful,
I will be forced to go back to dressing in high fashion world garb as
taught to me by BlankCheck); SlickSlit (for squatting in the middle of
the trail and polluting it while hashers were still traversing it, the
trail that is); HawaiianPuke, FamilyJewels and GyroMan? (Late Sign In).
I'm
sure there are others, but since I can't find my notes, this will just
have to do.
Yes, there were Tweeterless and Announcements.
Once again, lets congratulate PinkiePenis for a damn fine trail and
finish. Perhaps we can upgrade him to just AveragePenis after this.
Kudos to you lad!
PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the
consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist
or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.
Dr. J.