Run 563
Hares: WideOpen & Dr. Strangelove
Location: C&P Telephone - Your Friendly Phone Company
Isn't it amazing that as soon as the new Mis-Management steps in to take control, we get sunshine, warm weather, a lovely short trail with just the right mix of shiggy and road? There is something magical about the new Mis-Management. Heck, they even got most of the old Mis-Management up to drink.
Our day began by writhing our way through the parking garage at the C&P building. The incredibly low ceilings made for a dicey ride if you had a vehicle bigger than one of those little toy Hyundai thingies. The Hare's directions said to meet on the top of the garage, but Stained Sheets, all-knowing and all-powerful, commanded that we meet one floor down in the shade. Shock and amazement, the Hash did just that. Sheep I say, sheep! Nonetheless some took the opportunity to water the grass from on high! WooWee!
The crowd slowly swelled with the miscreants from the AGM telling frightening tales of that fateful weekend. The description of Hotel Hell seemed to have gotten particularly larger than life – Hollow Point's first words were, "Was the hotel really as bad as they say?" No Good Morning, No Hello. No how are you?
Hmmph.
With great fanfare (OLD Mis-Management, please note the following) and right on time, DualAirBags sent the hares (WideOpen & Dr. Strangelove) on their merry way. OK we are in a parking garage, almost on the top floor. Why in the heck did they go up to the top deck? There is only one way to go..DOWN. (Later on trail HotLegs remarked how much she likes going down. Of course, Wanker's isn't going to see any of that unless he starts following her directions while driving to the start!)
DualAirBags and CunningRunt led the group in a super-fast paced `Ather Abraham' with all kinds of bizarre wordings so that the spawn of Bags and SlickSlit would not be exposed to `bad' words. Down the stairs the pack headed, with Byte bursting through the bottom door and beginning to run - before the whistle. Several FRBs took this occasion to remind BL that he is just another hasher these days and can't just go off willynilly. The new RA took personal offense at this heinous behavior and vowed to punish the man, the myth, the legend.
Trail followed the road to the left. Of course Byte and MissingLink led a fairly large contingent of folks across to the other side of the road. They ciphered that since I-495 was just to the left of the trees on the left, that the hares couldn't possibly go that way. WRONG. And this is where we almost lost Steamer's Bitch (and for the gazillionth time, he is OK with the name until we come-up with a better one! Get a life people) and SeeDickRun. SB was trying to battle a fast moving Chevette. I know you think it's not possible, but I saw it, the Chevette was going fast. See Dick Run was not quite so bright..SB might have won his battle. Nope, SDR decided to take on the FIRETRUCK. I still don't know how he avoided being clipped by the side mirror. The firemen were considerate enough to blast their horn just before impact was to occur, so maybe that is what saved the moment.
Trail did loop back to the left and into some shiggy, carrying all to a large field where Byte, showing signs of his great age, wandered around lost until Dr. Jekyll came screaming by carrying the pack forward on true trail. The hashing-beauty of this field is that it is composed of thigh-high, flesh-slicing grass. Ouch! So the real hero of the day is MissingLink who pulled the pack out of the field to a check. Now, please be seated before going any further with this tale. OK, all sitting down? From the check, it was MissingLink who led the way to true trail! No kidding.
CunningRunt soon wisked by ML to take the lead. Alas, she didn't go far enough before turning back, missed the TrueTrail arrow and ended-up mired in some stinking mud hole/tunnel thing with Steamer'sBitch close behind. QuickDrawers now took command and led the pack forward into a maze of townhomes. QD was in spectacular form today, constantly shortcutting and making it work. Unfortunately for the rest of us, no-one followed him. This is where BlankCheck
stepped-up to take control. (Another frightening image that I not planned on having in my head when I awoke this day.) BC and Rena stumbled onto true trail behind a row of townhouses and despite his cries of ONON, only Pennis and Dr. Jekyll followed him to True Trail and safety. It wasn't long before we were
lost again and this time it was Pennis who having successfully shortcut, carried the pack forward to a schoolyard.
Hot, tired, thirsty- things looked bleak at the schoolyard until the eagle-eyed BlankCheck spotted the walkers and our way home! Thank goodness for the walkers. Never thought I would say that. A quick jaunt past these ever-friendly beings and we faced a little, itty-bitty stream crossing followed by scaling Mount
Olympus.
A winding wooded trail and up ahead...QuickDrawers! With an easy downhill jog the finish was in hand. We were nestled next to a lake, with cool grass, trees, beer and pasta salad. Not bad at all. Oh yes, sometime later Byte finally rolled in. It seems, he just kept taking the wrong path from the checks (even those that had been marked!) Alas, our own MissingLink brought-up the rear.
The down-downs began ON TIME with the hares drinking twice for such a lovely post-AGM trail. Next the Anniversarians: CheckWithThe Sec (5) - but no-one has ever met this dude, so we made the On-Sec drink in his place; OllieNorth (15); FoulBalls (115) and CunningRunt (215). There were two virgins: Barry Taylor (who claimed he really like doing it) and Amy Prillman (who was picked-up on trail by Wilburr but was so athletic as to continue on from the downdown to run a couple more miles! The gossip has it that this is not Wilburr's illegitimate daughter. Her Dad and her boyfriend do run with the Men's Hash!). There was one visitor: Carl Tiska (VA Beach) and a number of returners: MotherPucker, BushMaster, StoolSample and WaterSports.
Thankfully, there were no namings.
Then my favorite part, VIOLATIONS. Lets see, where to begin..Hares (no water stop), StainedSheets, (ordering the hash to move down a level); the HASH (for following StainedSheets); Byte (premature running and weak RoadRunner imitation); FrenchToasted (unauthorized ballet movements on trail); BushMaster (environmental - at the start, in front of the entire pack); BlankCheck (training his dog to cutoff any Hashers who might be pulling in front of them); DualAirBags and SlickSlit (having surviving spawn at the DownDown); NoClass and Steamer'sBitch (whining about the trash), ScrewsEverybody-or is it Mrs.PoopDeck?(her liquor from the AGM for substitute scribing); Wilburr (scoping out young girls on trail). In addition to all this, RotoRouter had to drink for telling us the story of when he was in the hospital for an arm infection and he had to piss. He waddled over to the urinal, started pissing and passed out.
Awoke, starting pissing again and passed out. Of course this second time
the good doctors found him, naked, lying in a puddle. Ew. Also tagged to drink was YesDear. It seems while at the liquor store, Roto (Doctors orders) found a bottle of SCOOPS. Obviously since Scoop was not here, YesDear would have to
drink..her? Anyway, there were lots of folks upfront drinking.
BurntSox (also not present, but luckily we were not able to find a bottle of him at the local distillery – too bitter) tried to lose the hash-it by leaving it at HotelHell! When/if he ever returns, he may just have to carry it for the rest of his life! In the meantime, WideOpen was nominated because. Just because. WankersAweigh was nominated for not listening to his female passengers on how to get to the hash until they started talking about denying him sex. RotoRouter was nominated for not successfully offing his wife in an obvious set-up car accident. Stupidity beat failure and WankersAweigh now owns the Hash-it.
There were many tweeterless: Byte, Maria, 3TimesALady, SpreadSheets,
HollowPoint, Strange Lady, BadDog, FatLady and FlyTheFriendlyThighs (which for those of us keeping up-to-date on these things are coated with a poison-ivy rash).
As a final note, I would like to nominate our own DualAirBags as Mom-Of-The-Month. Her little-un had just finished drinking a soda and was reaching for another when DAB said: "That enough soda, get a beer!" That's a Mom if I ever heard one.
Drive Fast. Take Chances.
DJ.