The BASTILLE DAY Celebration / LORTON APPRECIATION DAY hash

Feeling oppressed? Is your life lacking liberty, shiggy, and the pursuit of cheap bier? Well, don't stand for it, by God! HASH THE BASTILLE, or at least Lorton!

Hares: Liberte' (Stained Sheets), Equalite' (Roto Router), Fraternite' (Cork Screwed) and Madame DeFarge (Night Crawler).

To those who catch the muse: feel free to dress appropriately. Possible costumes might be rags with cake crumbs sprinkled down the front, or regal wear if you're curious about what it might feel like to have your head chopped off.

So, what the "H" was Bastille Day, and why should we care?? (Bastille pronounciation: Bass-teal)

The Bastille started out as a fortress on the east side of Paris designed to protect the people of France, sort of like the U.S. govenment. It was a huge mother, just like the U.S. government, with 100 foot towers and an 80-foot wide moat. Over time, however, the very thing built for protection became a very shiggy prison used by the French ruling class. Most prisoners were very hasher-like, i.e. they were troublemakers or were imprisoned at the request of their families. Mostly Back-of-the-Packers ended up there because they couldn't outrun their families or the King.

Then, as now, things began to get really revolting particularly when a proposal to reduce the deficit by increased taxation of the privileged (read non-hashing class) was rejected by the nobles. Also there was a bread shortage (and possibly a bier shortage as well, but this is harder to substantiate), Marie Antionette was being really bitchy about food and, besides, the common deviates longed to Hash freely. She is reported to have said of the starving hashers, "Let them eat cake, and wash it down with bier!" -- even though there wasn't any!

Well, you know how cranky the pack can be in the absence of bier and food after a long hash. The obvious solution seemed to be to storm the Bastille and let out all seven of the imprisoned hashers. Oh, and they thought while they were there they'd snatch up all the arms inside and use them for Hash Shit awards or something similar.

Oddly, the prison governor didn't seem to like this plan. But, being hashers, the deviates said "tough shit, we're going through anyway," and then they really got wild. They stormed the prison, while chanting a very early version of a hash song: "Liberte'! (liberty!), Equalite'! (Equality!),Fraternite'!(brotherhood!) Are You?? On-On!"

During the On-On-On, Marie and her husband, who happened to be the King, were given the Revolutionary version of the Hash shit. They were beheaded by guillotine. Meanwhile Madame DeFarge (Night Crawler) sat at the foot of the guillotine doing her knitting, smoking her pipe, spitting on the ground and cackling madly which is pretty typical behavior for Mme. DeF/Nut Crawler). Further, they took Marie and the King's now free noggins and slam-dunked them onto a couple of fortress spikes a la' London Bridge.

Why you should care: Bastille Day was chosen as a French national holiday and ever since, the French have celebrated July 14th as their Independence day with French kisses. The storming of the Bastille symbolizes, for all citizens of France, liberty, democracy and the struggle against all forms of oppression and idiocy, plus it makes yet another great excuse, uh theme, for foreplay and for the hash to party.

BTW - on one road trip East, Wet & Wild and Norm! were playing "Who Would You Do?" W&W offered Norm! the choice of Marie Antoinette or Katherine the Great. Norm!, although faced with the choice of possible engaging in "sloppy seconds" after a horse, still chose Katherine the Great "because Marie Antoinette was an idiot!" Draw your own conclusions.

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Wet & Wild Antoinette was an idiot!" Draw your own conclusions.

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Wet & Wild