April is truly the cruelest month if not upredictable as hell. The week before last, the hash was treated piss-poorly by mother nature with pelting rain and chilly temperatures but this week the God's o'hash once again smiled upon MVH3 bringing sunny, dry warmth to a trail full of shiggy and P.I. The only hashers who seemed unworthy of their goodness were Lick it Off Baby and Rutro who were lost and off trail in the wilderness of Fair Lakes suburbia for hours. Having read that cannibalism is deemed politically correct if not down right cool in North Korea, LIOB and Rutro survived by salting and cooking Cunning Runt. Unfortunately, because CR was such a tough piece of meat, LIOB and Rutro had to sate themselves with the traditional Passover ham sandwich at the on-in. I am told by many of my J.A.P friends that just because its served on Jewish deli rye doesn't make it kosher.

Trail began with the usual, or unusual group of deviants gathered in the parking lot at SRA in Fair Lakes. Camel Jumper and I arrived just in time to see Byte showing the hash how a "Ho" goes down. Burning Bush assisted Byte in Father Abraham and soon the pack was off on trail across the street and through a large mud-filled construction site. Following Fire & Ice, we trudged through the sticky, red clay. Looking right we could see Ollie North, Dual Air Bags, Nurse Crotchit, Perk-a-Set and several other hashers with more than 1/2 a mind running down the highway avoiding the mud field altogether. Up ahead Star 69 was bent over in ankle deep mud retrieving her shoe which had been summarily sucked off her foot. Fortunately for the rest of us, we found a short cut around the remainder of the mud and made it across a shopping center parking lot with relative ease.

Following Tore Ass, we crossed the highway and watched as a large group of FRBs disappeared behind a hill. Slick Slit and Beazer found flour and charged on following the FRBs. Fortunately Star 69 saw this same group of FRBs heading back in our direction a bit down the road and we scored a much- needed short cut. With Big Bird Turd, Lucy, and More Leggs leading the way we ran through a patch of woods and over a creek. At this point the pack got a bit spread out and some of us losers in the back lost trail having to call "are you?" Fortunately Hands Solo found trail and we followed him and Pudnocker out into a neighborhood. Soon we were back in the woods following trail along the side of a creek. As Penis tiptoed across a set of rocks in the creek he must have forgotten that with these creek rocks comes algae, and with algae comes a slippery footfall, and with a slippery footfall comes a face-first dive. The rest of us seemed to make it in and out of the creek just fine but the same cannot be said of LIOB and Rutro who found another neck deep creek off trail which gave LIOB the opportunity to try out her backstroke. As trail hit a bike path Steamer, Mud Buns and Dirty & Hairy came trudging out of the woods to my right. Don't quite know what was going on there, don't think I wanna know. Trail ended in front of a flooded volleyball court close to the start.

With Missing Link and Full Metal Balls cumming in together much after the rest of the hash circle was convened. We had many anniversaries with Happy Helmut - 5, Blazing Straddles - 15, Dirty and Harry - 15, Mellow Foreskin Cheese - 25, Scoop - 45, Screws Everybody - 45, Black Box - 50, Steamer - 135, Byte Lightning - 265. We welcomed back Put it Out, More Leggs, Camel Jumper, Burning Bush, and Seth Chanitz. Seth was made to drink several times just for being a Seth. We had no virgins and only one visitor, called Wheels? There were several runners who happened by during circle and one was stupid enough to join the us for a down-down. Tears well up as a new hasher is born. We had no namings but quite a few violations. Mud Buns and Dirty & Hairy apparently had sex on trail. Poop Deck and Hawaiian Puke got the walkers lost because they couldn't read a map and wouldn't ask for directions. No Class and Red Snapper were running on the walker's trail. Blank Check's doggie dookied. Wide Open had a chicken up his ass. Wankers and Camel Jumper had dual snowboarding injuries. Puts it Out was a media slut. Late sign ins were Major Private Parts, Charly Fissin, and Nurse Crotchit. No sign in was given to Cork Screwed Jr. Star 69 drank for losing her shoe in the mud. Roto also drank for thinking that potato chips are a vegetable. John Handcock was originally nominated for the hashit for "thinking about taking a shortcut" but then Roto did something equally stupid which brought hash wrath upon him. He apologized for the p.i. on trail. Roto won.

ON-ON Scoop ed for the p.i. on trail. Roto won.

ON-ON Scoop