Trash 556, April 4th 1998
By Yes Dear
Hash Scribe
Centerville, Va. By unanimous proclamation, the Mt. Vernon Hash House Harriers have banned anyone from Westchester, N.Y., from haring a run during a non-summer month. That's right, the same group that brought you a long, shiggy, wet, and cold run almost a year ago to the day were back. When they arrived, the 85 degree weather left, leaving us instead wet and cold. But hashers are hashers so about 40 wankers showed up in the rain in Centerville for a shiggy, fun, albeit shorter, run, hared by our own Spread Sheets and Hard Drive, and WestchesterÕs Max Headroom and A Bit Turned Off.
The hares were off promptly at 10 a.m. from a parking lot at the intersection of Rt. 28 and Rt, 29. The pack did a quick version of Father Abe and was soon off in pursuit. Hey, it was raining. What did you expect? We'd wait all wet? The pack headed out of the shopping plaza and past a gas station before scattering. True trail was found off the right and the pack was soon away. The typical FRBs Byte, Dr. Jeckyll, Cunning Runt Ñ were being FRBs.
Trail was found in some woods, which emptied into a field bordered by a highway. Missing Link did his Olympic gymnast imitation, performing a perfect roll without letting go of Beezer's leash. The pack got a bit confused at the next check. Byte and I guessed wrong and wound up shortcutting to catch up by crossing through some woods behind a church. Trail crossed on a newly constructed bridge and headed into the woods, where we followed 3 Times a Lady and Rat's Ass. Trail hit a road and a check, which must have confused the FRBs because we suddenly saw them again. After some more shiggy, we began paralleling a large stream. Hash Hounds Bullwinkle and Lucy bathed as Pudknocker came barreling past and Big Bird Turd used the opportunity to rest. The hares, although tempting the pack at several checks, never actually took us across the creek, which was unfortunate because we were all soaked anyway so it would not have made much difference if we had gotten a bit more wet.
Trail eventually deposited us in a town house/condo complex, which was around the point that perennial late comer (not to be confused with Late Comer who was on time) Burnt Sox caught up and overtook the pack to become an FRB. True trail snaked through the condo complex, but Stained Sheets and Wilburr saved some time by short-cutting by staying on the road.We scared some dog walkers, entered some woods, and then crossed a fence with a barb wire top which fortunately was being separate from the fence part by Burnt Sox, allowing us to get through.
Trail deposited us on an exit ramp and then went under the highway. I think I saw Wide Open at this point come bolting through. Trail turned left and we overtook a walking French Toasted, still ailing from a non-hash injury. This needs to be a violation if he's still limping this week. Beer Near, and then Beer were spotted and the pack gathered in a barb-wire infested spot among the pine trees. Dry bags were had, the scribe got entangled in barb wire which hare Hard Drive politely removed, and Bullwinkle cut her paw on another piece of barb wire. Injuries aside, the pack enjoyed a feast of bagel sandwiches, beer, beer, beer, and soda. We were wet and Dual Airbags was whining, so the circle began rather quick and went double time. Unfortunately the sheet was lost, so all you returners and anniversaries just need to pretend you are listed here.
Violations (kept of a separate sheet of paper) included: rain gear fashion statements for Beezer, Hard Drive, Hawaiian Puke, Tore Ass, and Spread Sheets. Crackman brought new shoes, Scoop was racing, Milk Money got a new job, which turned out to be her old job, Link got a new car, Stained Sheets and Burnt Sox got a woman driving past the hash to shout that she was cumming, the hares had a syntax error, Dual Airbags had phone sex at the on-in, and Star 69 is obsessed with mobile homes. (enough said)
That's all I wrote. On-on.