Bitching and Moaning Mark Saturday's PMS Run
By Scoop, Hash Scribette
Hares: Rutro, Spreadsheets, Lick It Off Baby
Even Saturday's unseasonably warm temperatures failed to cure the pack of it’s
PMS whining. The hash was greeted by three bitchy, PMS-afflicted, pistol-packing
harrietts, Lick It Off Baby, Rutro, and Spreadsheets who treated the hash to a long, all
uphill trail. Clearly stricken with PMS, these three donned red shirts which became
their badge of courage as they symbolized the agony and pain women must endure on
a monthly basis due to sudden shifts in hormone levels. Starting behind yet another
Generica strip mall in Northern Virginia "hares away" was called and soon the group of
deviants gathered and were led in Father Abe by Byte, whose scarred-for-life children
joined us in our hailing of him as THE hash "ho." The pack set out walking with the
usual FRB's, Cunning Runt, Byte, and Wide Open leading the way. We headed straight
out the parking lot and through another shopping mall parking lot. The entire pack
crossed Rt. 7 at once which was a thrill for the Saturday morning errand-running traffic.
The general feeling amongst hashers at the motorist's obvious annoyance was "fuck `em
- it's the PMS run." After crossing the street the pack remained together for quite some
time as those lovable FRBs led us like lemmings through a check and into an apartment
complex. As the bemused neighborhood watched on, the pack picked up a small group
of children who began running with us. I was just starting to feel like the pied piper
when Dual Air Bags scared them away by flashing them her tits. Led by Hyman
Dickover up a hill and through another neighborhood, the pack was starting to split up.
Following Milk Money, (big mistake) through a bunch of prickers we crossed a creek
and soon hooked up a with mini-pack including, Eat Me For Breakfast and Number 2.
Just as I began to wonder if we could possibly go up hill any more another hill was yet
to be conquered. There was some serious bitching and moaning going on at this point,
and appropriately so, as this was the PMS run. Doing her best Brenda Vaccaro
impersonation Fly the Friendly Thighs called ON-ON as the pack made it to the top of
this hill and crossed over Route 7. Little did we know we were only 1/3 of the way
through the trail. Catching up with Roto and Harddrive we made our way behind a
high school, through a tunnel and to a Beer Check. Shocking, I know, but yes, a Beer
Check. I'm starting to think to myself - Self - these PMS chicks are all right- they even
do beer checks. But soon, we were off and running again down a street and through the
21st neighborhood we'd seen that morning when Quick Drawers came up behind us
saying that he'd taken a shortcut. Uh-huh, a shortcut. Stained Sheetz also appeared out
of nowhere claiming he too had scored some major shortcut. I think they were both
having sex on trail. (with each other of course.) The on-in was held at a small, but lively
bar and good food and beer were had by all. Sure, people had to bitch about the size of
the place, but what the hell, this was the PMS run! The Circle was led by Steamer, Wide
Open, and Dual Air Bags who had violations for just about everyone including, Sweet
Cheeks for wearing a "White Trash Necklace," Little Guinea for having his 30th B-day
and John Handcock for mispelling his name. Dr. Jekyll was racing, Hyman Dickover
was almost renamed and also had to drink for the faux fur he was wearing and Missing
Link had an enviromental. After the circle Wide Open, Sticky Lips and Flys the
Friendly Thighs treated us to yet another rendition on "Allouette." And so as we pay
homage to the Patron Saint of PMS Mrs. Lorena "Come here honey, I got somethin'
that'll make you feel reeeeel good!" Bobbit, let us remember that PMS is debilitating,
and very often, can be chronic. Please, give to the National PMS Fund today. After all,
a good penis is a terrible thing to waste.
On-On,
Scoop