Dual Air Bags and Milk Money Mud Wrestle Their Way To Front Of Pack, Leaving FRBs In The Dust
By Yes Dear, Hash Scribe
EDSALL RD, Va. Fearful that he was going to be conscripted into service, Stained Sheets spent most of last Saturday's run frantically recruiting candidates for next year's mismanagement. As of press time, Mr. Stained claimed to have at least one candidate for each spot. "Thank God," an obviously relieved Stained Sheets kept saying over and over to himself after conning Pudknocker to run for some assuredly grueling post. "I get to delay my triumphal return to mismanagement for at least another year." Stained Sheets wrapped up his politicking shortly before Wankers Aweigh grabbed Hot Legg's breasts during the circle and maintained firm contact throughout the drink fest, earning significant praise from Hard Drive, Poop Deck and other envious male hashers.
But alas, I get ahead of myself. The pack gathered on a chilly spring morning in February at the DRI parking lot, right off of Edsall Road. Full Metal Balls as always was manning the sign in book as Missing Link, Beezer, and other early arrivers showed up. Even Burnt Sox managed to sign in on time. Hash hound Bullwinkle was fascinated by the nearby, duck-infested pound, which she repeated tried to drag your humble scribe into. The cars kept arriving, and soon it was 10 a.m. and hares Dr. Strangelove and Pudknocker were off. Byte led the pack in Father Abe before we were off into the woods. Typical FRBs Byte, Dr. Jeckyll, and Cunning Runt took the lead. They were joined by See Dick Run. Big mistake for See Dick. After bush-whacking through the woods, we entered a construction site and shoe-sucking mud. Last I checked, See Dick was still trying to wrestle his sneakers free.
We left the construction site for the road and our first check. Wankers tried to
convince Cunning Runt to check down hill to an obvious BT. She was about to take him
up on the offer when true trail was called in the opposite direction. After cutting
through an office area, we hit concrete factory with a lake. This was merely a ruse to
slow down the FRBs. Instead, it only snared myself and Bobbit. We struggled to catch
up the pack, which already had passed the split for walkers and runners. We failed to
convince Bad Dog to take the walkers trial, so we continued try to catch up. After some
neighborhoods, we saw Fly the Friendly Thighs, Drive Through, *69, and assorted other
female hashers ahead. I lost Bobbit around this point, which was just fine by me.
Unfortunately, this mini-pack had no idea where it was going and lead me into a deadend.
Rather than backtracking, I cut through some woods and briars and ended up in a
cool, tunnel of briars and bushes.
With the minipack in tow, we found true trail running past the hockey game and went
up-and-over the wall.
At the ball field, we caught our first glimpse of the pack Burnt Sox's bright red
shirt and Hard Drive's white hat. Using those as our beacon, we headed on true trail,
overtaking Stained Sheets in the neighborhood. Soon we were back at the split and on
the walker's trail. We ran into Little Guinea and his hound at the first stream crossing,
where
we were all relieved not to be headed back to the construction site, which was located
ahead of us. Instead, we went downhill into the woods and followed the stream for
about a 1/3 of a mile before exiting the woods and beginning the descent down to the
on-in, where rice, beef, pasta salad, and good beer awaited.
In all, another great MVH3 run.
In the circle, we gave Bobbit the hashshit for being dumb enough to take it from
Burnt Sox on trail. Some in the rather unruly crowd, including Joint Master Steamer,
proposed renaming him Dumb Fuck. But a renaming committee was not convened.
With Dual Airbags filling the cups with brew and Wide Open hassling the joint masters,
we proceeded to celebrate all sorts of anniversaries, virgins, and the like. Unfortunately,
the sheet where all this data is recorded is missing. A reward of one down-down is
being offered for its return.
That's all I wrote. On-on.