MVH3 TRASH: February 14, 1998 The Weekly Journal of the Morally Corrupt Mount Vernon Hash House Harriers
Directions For Feb. 21 Ru
Hares
Dr Strangelove, Pudknocker
Date/Time
Feb. 21, 10 a.m.
Directions
Extra pair of dry shoes recommended. Trail is dog friendly, somewhat stroller un-friendly (but you could shortcut).
>From the beltway: Take Exit #4, which is I-395 north towards DC, and at the first interchange take Exit 2B, which is Edsall Road West. Travel 2/10 mile and at first traffic light turn right on Cherokee Ave, and then immediately bear right again, remaining on Cherokee Ave. Travel 6/10 mile and turn left at Navaho Drive, into the Halifax Office Park. The building has a large sign "DRI" on the side. Park and hash.
Dr. Strangelove
Important Stuff From Mismanagement About the Mount Vernon Hash
Noncompetitive fun run. Costs $4. 4 to 6 miles. Hash goes
rain, snow, sleet, or sun. Keys, gear, dry shoes, etc., can
be left at the start and will meet hashers at the end.
Hares must e-mail or phone directions at least 10 days
before the run to both Yes Dear and Scoop to avoid the
rubber chicken. Trails are assumed to be dog friendly
unless explicitly noted in the directions.
Scribes take no responsibility for accuracy of this
publication.
Hash Hotline: 202-PUDJAMO, #6 for directions that are
updated by Thursday. Or visit the web site at
http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3
Receding Hare Line .........
Run 550/ Feb 28 Rutro, Spread Sheets
Run 551/ March 7 Poop Deck, Screws Everybody
Run 552/ March 14 Stained Sheets, Cheap Slut, Kimo
Run 553/ March 21 Capt Titanic, assorted virgins
Run 554/ March 28 Mudbuns, Dirty & Hairy
Run 555/ April 4 Spread Sheets & Co.
Run 556/ April 11 Hard Drive
Run 557/ April 18 Stained Sheets & Co.
Run 558/ April 25 Scoop, Yes Dear
Run 559/May 2 Dr Jekyl, Cunning Runt
Run 560/ May 9 Mismanagement (AGM)
Mismanagement ...............
Joint Masters:
Mark `Steamer' Stoffel: 703-516-2176
Calvin `Byte Lightening' Brown: 703-590-6794
byteru@aol.com
Religious Adviser:
Stan `Wide Open' Jozwiak: 703-239-0615
Co-Scribes:
Karen `Scoop' Reid: 703-836-3839
Scoopwwc@AOL.com
Jaret `Yes Dear' Seiberg:
301-890-1348 seiberg@tfn.com
On-Sec:
Jim `Full Metal Balls' Fenton: 703-339-5528
Hash Cash:
Eric `French Toasted' Geyer: 703-425-0769
Hare Raiser:
Dave `Wankers Aweigh' Bertagnoli: 703-685-0338
Haberdashers:
Nancy `Pit Stop' Geyer 703-719-0157
Tia `Dual Airbags' Perry: 703-878-703
"I was drinking." No... make that: "I was drunk." Must've been dead drunk. How else could I be taken advantage of like this. How else could I have volunteered to be the guest scribe. Expecially given my past experience as Scribe and SubScribe. Oh well. Unfortunately I'm sober now and my thoughts and memories you'll read. Remember... everything you'll read is the truth. As I remember it! Oh, by the way, RutRo said she should be in the trash. So she is.
It was warm when I left my home in southern PW County. But after traversing 23 zip codes, two counties, and who knows how many cities, towns, and developments I arrived at a very cold starting location at a commuter lot at the corner of Fox Mill and Reston Parkway in Northwest Fairfax County. And it was COLD; by consensus!
I spent those moments before the start by keeping warm greeting others after my long, hiatus caused by injury. (no, you can't run through achilles tendon injuries!) But now I planned to run!!! With dog. A new dog--and I would drink. I had decided that my life was boring with just two teenage daughters at home and a girlfriend and so I committed to a new dog. (What's that they say about hashing and a half a mind?) Anyway, although the hares claimed this trail to be "marginally dog friendly" I decided to risk it. After all, I knew at least one other dog would be there. Right Beezer?
As the pack gathered, no hares were to be seen. Where were 3 X a Lady and *69? More importantly, where was the endofhashvehicle? Then all became known: These two, plus Drive Through, Friendly Thighs, Randy the Virgin drove up at the last minute. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but it appeared that Keyhole was just standing around and suddenly was also a hare. I think the impression of the pack when this motly crew departed with a total payload of one handful of flour was best stated by Cunning Runt when she shouted, "Get back here you guys and get some flour!" to no avail.
After a nice `Ather Abraham led by Byte Lightning, the pack departed by crossing Fox Mill. After milling around a bit in a neighborhood, I found myself being dragged by my dog along the right away next to Reston Parkway with several others, including Snow Fairy. Snow Fairy, a late arrival, had seen Hares and encouraged us to follow. Immediately after I made a disparaging remark in her direction as she started across the parkway, she espied a Hares Arrow. Alas, the false hopes this and many other Hare's markings would engender among the pack.
We all crossed. Well, all except the usual suspects of Missing Link, Full Metal Balls, PoopDeck, and others who shall remain nameless. And I'll discuss their adventures in a bit. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the majority of the pack crossed Reston Parkway and followed trail over hill, over dale... (wait, I'm not in the army. Besides, I spent the first part of the trail learning about hashing with a dog on leash. You know, the "opposite sides of the tree"drill that brings both dog and owner to a complete and ignomious halt to sort things out).
On the east side of Reston Parkway we found a checkback #1. What did that mean we pondered. Was that a checkback 1 meaning go back one? Or was that an indicator of the first checkback of many? We decided it was go back one. It made sense; I mean, there WAS a road intersection there. The problem was we could find BTs. And we could find hash that petered out to nothing. We just couldn't find true trail. The pack was scattered over a many block area searching, searching, searching. Finally, Mama Runt gathered the miscreants together, carefully marking for stragglers and directed all back to the start. There we hoped to find directions to the finish. As we returned along Reston Parkway we found flour again! Go figure! Momentum! But wait, it goes back to the start?!?!?!? Did anyone know where Drive Through lives?
At the start we discovered that we were supposed to go the other direction across the commuter lot and eventually found what appeared to be true trail. Nope, BT. Did that other path have flour? Nope, just paper. Where, oh where could trail go? Plenty of Full Metal Balls and Missing Link markings, though. Finally, with all options about used up, we discovered trail up into the woods on the right. Whew! Back on.
Somehow, hashers appeared from all over coming from all directions as we traversed neighborhood, paths, and woods. I remember running along the street when Sticky Lips appeared with her Virgin (young male sticking to her like glue--wouldn't you?) pulling herself through entangling catbriers and cursing Friendly Thighs, et al, loudly. I offered to remove any offending stickers with my teeth and soothe her wounds with my tongue. She ignored me. Then Big Bird Turd drove by (can you say "mechanical advantage?") complaining that he'd checked all routes through this area and found nothing. Did any of us wish to ride? Nope, we decided to tough it out, sent Mr Turd on his way, and continued on.
Suddenly our path through the woods intersected a street. Hare markings indicated On Over, but a quick look to the right showed hashers straggling along the street for 1/2 mile heading who knew where. There a debate insued and the three of us decided to stick to true trail at this point.
Somehow we picked up Bavarian Bush as we neared the end. There was a tunnel under the road. We coaxed the dog through--all except Bavarian Bush, who as we all know is extremely location challenged. She figured if she went through an underground tunnel, she'd lose all sense of location and never find her car. So she kept to the sunny side. And overlooked true trail to the right where the entire pack was feasting, drinking, and making merry a few yards away. We arrived just as downdowns were beginning.
The Hares drank. And drank. And drank. (You get the picture). Virgins, Randy Clifford, Shawn Stilphen, and Michael Etheredge drank. And Randy was a hare. One hare drinks... Visitors were Mark Hafen, Matthew Girard and Marie Tien. Returners were Ollie North, Sticky Lips, Saran Wrap, and Mike Perz. We renamed Keyhole (one hare drinks...) as Keyhole. Then Mike was named Hard Up. Ask Wide Open for details. Violators drank: *69 for new car (one hare drinks...), Blank Check for new dog, Big Bird Turd for mechanical advantage, and Byte Lightning for being Byte Lightning. Whistle check caught Friendly Thighs (one hare drinks...) then we sang Swing Low and went home. Down south. Where it was warm. And the hares drank.
OnOn. Blank Check
After watching the harriettes take off in a pack, only two sporting flour, the rest of the hash did a brief Father Abraham. Snow Fairy drove up and informed the hash that the hares were waiting down the street. Off we went across Reston Parkway into a field with the first check for walkers. The runners went right and the walkers went left. Missing Link and Full Metal Balls scouted the walker trail and a few BT's. Poop Deck and Wankers Away also managed to scout the walkers trail.
Link found the first BT and sent us on left, which went right back to Reston Parkway and the parking lot. Knowing this couldn't be true trail, the hashers declined to be lead back into the parking lot. Which later turned out to be true trail. Instead, down Lawyers road the hashers went. Off to the right was a false trail. Wankers Away, Cheap Slut, Lone Ranger, Black Box and Screws Everybody went straight. Miscellaneous flour was found on the way and we did our best to ignore it. Somehow, Link managed to get really lost and while it took us only 20 minutes to do the trail, Link was gone for a long time.
In the mean time, Full Metal Balls and Poop Deck were the first to find the on-in in a record 13 minutes!! They came back to find the walkers and show us the way. Along the way, Wankers decided to tell PD what to expect after getting married. Seems that Wankers got married to save time. He divulged that he spent 59 minutes of every hour trying to convince Hot Legs to have sex. Now is that a quickie or what? One minute of sex. Guess Wankers subscribes to the West Virginia theory of foreplay, "Get in the truck, B*tch." Wonder if he'll be getting any after this week? Hot Legs should be expecting a nice bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day.
Mean while, at the on in, *69 whined incessantly. She whined that we missed the whole trail and that it looped three different ways back to the parking lot. Something about some movie called Groundhog Day and repeating the day. Yeah, right, get a life *69. For once the walkers got hot food or food for that matter.
It was decided that when Byte came in that we all start singing Swing Low. While the front runners were out for about an hour, they too whined about the long and sh*tty trail. Hey it's a hash. Besides, this one was ripe for the hares doing multiple down-downs, which they did. Slick Slit mentioned that we had to stop singing "The Roof, The Roof is on fire." The Little Emperor went up to Mom earlier this week and asked "What song is it that has motherf*cker in it?"
Enough of this nonsense. On-on.