MVH3 TRASH: Jan. 31, 1998

By Yes Dear

Hash Scribe

SEMINARY ROAD, Va. -- Realizing that they already printed and distributed the write-up for last week's run at last week's run, the scribes used this week to give two candidates a chance to try their hands at scribing.

In order to appear nonpartisan, the scribes are offering an open invitation to all candidates that they are free to write-up a run whenever they please. Just ask ahead of time.

``Hell, well let ya takeover right now,'' Co-Scribe Scoop said last Saturday after she spent six hours cleaning up spilled red beans and sauce from her car.

For those who would like to read the official write-up, please check out last week's trash on the web page. That's all I'm writing. On-on.

The trail was short, wet, hilly and very shiggy.

Actually the only wet parts were the stream crossings. The first crossing was over a three foot wide log that was solid enough to jump up and down on, which I did in an effort to check Wilbur's balance. Just trying to do him a favor.

It only qualifies as a wet crossing because many hashers were afraid of falling off and getting wet and to prevent that from happening they waded through the waist deep creek. Except for Dr. Jekyl, who felt compelled to demonstrate his triathlon skills and dove into the water head first. One could almost see their half minds working furiously.

At the second crossing getting wet was unavoidable for the less than divine, meaning approximately 100% of all known hashers.

After a fashion, the trail sorted the pack along the usual lines with the usual FRBs in the form of Byte, Cunning and Jekyl leading the way and the usual walkers, in the form of No Class, Spread Sheets, Lick It Off Baby, etc. bringing up the rear. Hot Legs and Red Snapper were not among the DFLs, because they... how do you delicately say "they cheated"? There would be more specifics on the trail but this correspondent wasn't informed he would be contributing to the trash until after the run, and he is endowed with a normal hasher's memory.

Steamer conducted the circle and as usual screwed everything up. In particular, he loused up our greeting to the virgins, thereby

depriving Cheap Slut of the joy of respectfully requesting a display by the female virgin of certain gender specific organs.

Violations:

Roto Rooter - new hat

Burnt Sox - signed in on time

Hares - only set 1/3 of a trail

Little Emperor - environmental

Mudbuns, Bushmaster - late sign in

Spread Sheets - hadn't had a violation recently

Poop Deck & Screws Everybody - refusing to hare on their wedding day

Keyhole & Snow Fairy - having the good sense to doubt the OnSec

The day started off overcast but quickly turned into the most beautiful of mornings. The sun started shining and all the hashers who were at Friday night happy hour and who said they would only cum if it wasn't raining, came. Thus they were doubly satisfied. Or so they would have us believe.

The trail started off of Seminary Road behind an office park. A fairly large crowd assembled which included many walker types. Today Scoop and Yes Dear gave Hot Legs a short cut. She did relay this to others, but no one found it. Hmmm.

Off we went down a hill to the first check. Byte started to call "running" but someone beat him too it. Most of the pack went to the right, down the hill and the rest of us lemmings followed. This was a really fast trail and the walkers lost the pack right away.

I think we went into a park. And over a small creek. Then we came to the big creek. Most people took the log, either by straddling it and sliding their bodies over the log, which made it really slippery. Or they did the Mary Lou Retton version of walking the balance beam. Snow Fairy was particularly entertaining with her rendition of a backwards handspring.

She only received scores of 3.5 mostly due to the fact she stayed on the beam. RutRo decided to sit on the long and put her feet in front, no straddling for this hasher. No Class, Hot Legs and Latin Analyst went down stream to cross where it was shallow. LIOB jumped in up stream and got soaked up to her knees.

About this time the hares came running down the hill to see if everyone made it over the log. Up the hill and down some hills and up some hills.

In fact we hit every hill in a 3 mile radius. About this time most of the walkers got spit up and there was a group that just made their own trail. Some of us managed to stay on trail and hit the water crossings and two tunnels. Of course some of us also managed to skip the tunnels and get to the other side.

Continental Drip took the short cut and slid down one of the hills. Along the way Slick drove by and so did the hares. Hmm, isn't this autohashing? Or maybe they were driving around trying to get rid of some left over food?

Off through some apartments, down another hill and up a hill. Into a nature preserve we went. Snow Fairy, Pudknocker, Milk Money and Key Hole joined us. Snow Fairy was regaled us once again but this time with a Slick Willy tongue twister. Apparently each time she added another adjective and managed to screw up her own twister.

The overwhelming consensus was that she spent too much time with the Dribbler last weekend. By the way, where has the Dribbler been? Rumor has it that he is on injured reserve.

Up the last hill to the parking garage and to the on in we went. Only to find lots of beer and munchies and lots of dog food in the middle of the garage. But even the dogs weren't eating the food. Hmm, maybe it is a good thing that the food was tossed about?

3 Time a Lady, Star 69

Feb. 7, 10 a.m.

Directions Have no idea. Would help if we got the directions ahead of time. Please check PUDJAM0 and come watch the hares drink from a rubber chicken before the start of the run.

Noncompetitive fun run. Costs $4. 4 to 6 miles. Hash goes rain, snow, sleet, or sun. Keys, gear, dry shoes, etc., can be left at the start and will meet hashers at the end.

Hares must e-mail or phone directions at least 10 days before the run to both Yes Dear and Scoop to avoid the rubber chicken. Trails are assumed to be dog friendly unless explicitly noted in the directions.

Tia `Dual Airbags' Perry: 703-878-7030