MVH3 TRASH: Jan. 10, 1998 The Weekly Journal of the Morally Corrupt Mount Vernon Hash House Harriers
Byte Attacks Pack with Syntax Error, Tries to Cover-up Crim
By Yes Dear
Hash Scribe
FAIRFAX, Va. -- Upset over his attempted murder
last month by a fellow hasher, Byte the 'Ho retaliated
against the pack by marking a check with a hare's arrow
and then trying to cover up his crime.
This heinous act was discovered by joint master
Steamer and your friendly scribe. We saw the mark by
the lake in yellow chalk, but could not identify the hand
writing. Byte tried to implicate Bushmaster for the
crime. But Bushmaster said Byte was the true culprit.
Both claimed that they did not use yellow chalk. But
a thorough examination of their hands revealed yellow
chalk dust embedded in Byte's palms while Bushmaster's
were chalk-free. Appropriate punishment was meted out
at the circle, although our long-missing hashshit was not
in attendance so Byte only drank for his crime.
So went the best MVH3 hash of the year. Hares
Hollow Point and See Dick Run led the pack on the
woods-filled adventure complete with stream crossings,
shiggy, and a road race.
The pack gathered a bit late for the run, which began
in the parking lot behind a movie theater near the
intersection of Route 50 and Interstate 66. Full Metal
Balls was dutifully collecting the cash while Mud Buns,
Hot Legs and Red Snapper were playing valet, passing
hash bags into the inner reaches of the 4x4 so they could
sit in the cargo area to keep warm.
Why they had to keep warm was a bit of a mystery.
This was a beautiful March morning, which fortunately
fell in January. With temperatures shooting toward 60
degrees, hashers including Wide Open appeared in
shorts. Then there was Slick, who was replete in her
heavy, winter Patriot's jacket. The things she'll do for the
team.
The hares were off promptly at 10 a.m., although
they did not have any bags of flour in their hands. This
worried me greatly, remembering past hashes that may
have made bakers proud but did little for keeping
wankers on trail.
But they obviously stowed the bags somewhere near
the start because next thing I knew I saw flour flying in
the air. This prompted Byte, the 'Ho to yell out some
advice along the lines of it is better to throw the flour on
the ground rather than let is disperse in the air.
Around this time Star 69 appeared with Steve, who
was wearing new shoes. Now this violation may not
have been noticed if Star 69 wasn't castigating him for
this sin in front of several members of mismanagement.
Clearly, she must have been thirsty. A hurried search
was made for the rubber chicken so she could chug
before the start. But our favorite foul apparently was
seized by officials from the Hong Kong consulate, who
claimed all the beer had fermented inside and was
responsible for the killer flu. Hopefully, we will have a
new bird soon.
We had a rousing rendition -- as always -- of F'ther
Abe before we set off around the Safeway, past several
startled baggers, and to a check. As usual, hash hounds
Bullwinkle, Beezer, and Little Lucy were vying for early
FRB honors. But Byte has passed them easily by the
check after grabbing Fly the Friendly Thighs by the ass,
which is becoming a regular occurrence at the hash.
(Note of radical feminists: Fly grabbed back!)
Byte went into the woods to check while Dr. Jeckyl
turned right down the street. Defying conventional
wisdom, the doctor was on trail and the pack took off in
pursuit. After a short road race through some apartments,
the pack cut through a drainage area and ran up what
appeared to be Route 50. Wankers Aweigh made a
desperate effort to race Cunning Runt up the hill, but
was left eating her dust after 10 yards.
The pack hit a check, which the FRBs blew through.
The pack went left down a dead end street. The FRBs
were paralleling us on the other side of a creek. Led by
Steamer, the pack cut around another drainage ditch and
hit a paved trail that took us to a lake and a check.
Following a pack arrow, us wankers cruised the
long way around the lake. This allowed us to encounter
another check, with the previously mentioned syntax
error.
The pack came out to another busy road, which we
crossed and followed Hard Drive into the woods. After
battling some thorns, we hit a semi-paved trail which
switch-backed us repeatedly across a stream. Soon we
hit some steps, which were temporarily blocked by the
very sad sight of a tired Penis.
A road race erupted as we hit the street. We
encountered an unmarked check, which slowed down the
pack. Corkscrew went checking left and found true trail
by cutting through some tennis courts to another check.
After running up a long hill to a BT, the pack
reversed course and began running up a street. We
eventually passed the Fairfax county government center
before entering some more woods and cutting through a
condo construction zone. The pack raced down a hill, cut
through a farm with ``No Trespassing'' signs, where your
scribe and Steamer promptly lost control of their dogs in
a creek. This occurred right after Mud Buns astounded
us with were broad jump over the knee-deep water. I had
to jump in to get Bullwinkle's leash. Then Steamer lost
Little Lucy's lead. Fortunately, she was running after the
pack, allowing for an easy recovery by Bullwinkle.
The pack headed up hill, cut through more condos
and some woods before arriving at a new condo owned
by one of the hares.
And now a special word from our favorite deep throated
walker....Some days the hashes all seem to resemble one
another and then some days they stand out. Like
Saturday when the start was almost in God forsaken
Centerville. Okay so it was still Fairfax County, but only
just barely. I wondered how people could live in such
suburbia. It totally escapes me. Anyway, the hash
started in a very suburban looking strip shopping center
with a Tower Records. (When was the last time anyone
saw a record album in Tower?)
Well, as you know it was sunny and not quite warm, but
hashers being what they are, shed their clothes. The
hares, C Dick Run and Hollow Point, had a walkers trail
of sorts. This proved to be very strategic as the FRB's
repeatedly passed the walkers. But I get ahead (who said
head?) of myself. Okay so we did the circle, yahta,
yahta, yahta. Off the pack went and down a very
suburban looking road. The runners went to the right
and the smart walkers straight. Here they met up with
PoopDeck who was off trail (what a surprise!). Black
Box, the FWB, was struttin her stuff as some virgins of
*69 jogged to keep up.
These two particular virgins had been at the Aussie
Embassy New Year's Eve party. Seems *69 rented a
limo. We heard all about the party (boring) and the
alcohol consumed (boring) and the antics these two
events produced (more interesting). Rumor has it that
GBOF made it his goal to dance with every woman in
the Embassy. At last count he had 69 under his belt.
Then he got bored and decided to join the band - on
tambourine. You go girl!
Okay so we crossed Fairfax County Parkway, with no
casualties. Into the woods and the FRB's hot on our tail.
Red Snapper and Hot Legs took off and caught the
runners. Then they came to the 2nd short cut. This
proved a little hairy (harey?). Since the pack was just
exiting the woods, the walkers had to walk part of true
trail to fake out the runners. Ha, they must have been
good because as nobody asked why they were
"strolling".
Okay so back to road and back to the pack to a school or
something. It got pretty boring here, just neighborhoods
and streets. Keyless Entry was discussing her very
recent engagement to Squidley Didley. (Is there
something in the water? This is reaching epidemic
proportions.) The talk turned to receptions and dresses
and all that crap, between KE and Screws Everybody.
Now this might be interesting to those getting hitched
but the rest of us are ready to barf. Did anyone else
notice that of the 4 pending weddings, all involve
hashers of both sexes? This inbreeding can't be good.
Pretty soon we'll be known as the "Incest is best hash".
Okay so back to the trail, uhh, up a road to a field and
some buildings that put us near Fair Lakes Parkway.
Down a hill, which Milk Money opted to slide down, to
some private property, to a creek, which everyone
jumped except Beezer who was befuddled as to how to
cross, to the FFCP again. This time most hashers made it
safely and all but one truck who locked it up to keep
from hitting some runner who will remain nameless.
Up a small path to a street and to the on in at C Dick
Run's new house. Hey CDR, when is the house
warming? This place wasn't properly broken in... Now
back to our regularly scheduled trash. After enjoying
beef stew, hot poppers, and, of course, beer, we circled
up.
Anniversaries included: Trouser Snake 5, John
Handcock 25, 3XaLady 35, Screws Everybody 35, Hairy
Buddha 55, Pudknocker 135, Full Metal Balls 135,
Spread Sheets 150, and Dr. Strangelove 225. Virgins
included Chris Dolan, Steve Dolan, and Wanda Dodson.
Returners included: Trouser Snake, Tenor Wilk,
Alexandria Areyropolous, Billibong, Keyless Entry, and
Squiddly Diddly.
We named Trevor Wilk. After his dad informed us
that his kid puked at age 18 into a beer mug and was
about to drink it for 100 marks (this was in Germany),
the nominations started flying. They included Hot
Chunks, Sea Sick, and Last Drop. We also considered
Umbilical Cord. But settled on Hot Lunch. Cyclops and
Mother Pucker kept their names. Suck Straddle Hurl did
not. After rejecting Tri-Me, in reference to a triathlon
she's running, the pack agreed to Blazing Straddle.
This was also a special occasion. Hard Drive passed
the post of Media Slut to Poop Deck and Screws
Everybody, who appeared on the front of the
Washington Post style section for a story on office
parties.
We also had a fashion show between Fly the
Friendly Thighs, Perk-a-Set, Alexandria Areyropolous,
and Hawaiian puke, who won for his new namesake
shirt.
Other violations included the hares for not signing
in, Friendly Thighs for late sign-in, Wankers/Runt for
the aforementioned race, Milk Money for sledding down
hill on her butt without snow, Cyclops/Stool Sample for
enviromentals, and Byte for his crime.
That's all I wrote. On-on.
Hash Runs Saturday, Jan. 17 at 10 a.m. in Lorton Past Priso
Hares
Missing Link
Date/Time
Jan. 17, 10 a.m.
Directions I-95 south to exit 163 (Lorton). Right off ramp. At light, right
on Silverbrook Rd. Pass Lorton prison and Hooes Rd.
Continue on Silverbrook for another mile. Left onto Crosspoint. Immediate
right into Silverbrook Elementary. In doubt, check map.
Important Stuff From Mismanagement About the Mount Vernon Hash
You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Get Up Early.
Noncompetitive fun run. Costs $4. 4 to 6 miles. Hash goes
rain, snow, sleet, or sun. Keys, gear, dry shoes, etc., can
be left at the start and will meet hashers at the end.
Hares must e-mail or phone directions at least 10 days
before the run to both Yes Dear and Scoop to avoid the
rubber chicken. Trails are assumed to be dog friendly
unless explicitly noted in the directions.
Scribes take no responsibility for accuracy of this
publication.
Hash Hotline: 202-PUDJAMO, #6 for directions that are
updated by Thursday. Or visit the web site at
http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3
Receding Hare Line .........
Run 543/ Jan. 10 Wankers Aweigh
Run 544/ Jan. 17 Missing Link
Run 545/ Jan. Scoop, Yes Dear
Run 546/ Jan. 31 Roto Rooter, Steamer
Run 547/ Feb. 7 3 Time a Lady, Star 69
Run 548/ Feb. 14 Stained Sheets
Mismanagement ...............
Joint Masters:
Mark `Steamer' Stoffel: 703-516-2176
Calvin `Byte Lightening' Brown: 703-590-6794
byteru@aol.com
Religious Adviser:
Stan `Wide Open' Jozwiak: 703-239-0615
Co-Scribes:
Karen `Scoop' Reid: 703-836-3839
Scoopwwc@AOL.com
Jaret `Yes Dear' Seiberg:
301-890-1348 seiberg@tfn.com
On-Sec:
Jim `Full Metal Balls' Fenton: 703-339-5528
Hash Cash:
Eric `French Toasted' Geyer: 703-425-0769
Hare Raiser:
Dave `Wankers Aweigh' Bertagnoli: 703-685-0338
Haberdashers:
Nancy `Pit Stop' Geyer 703-719-0157
Tia `Dual Airbags' Perry: 703-878-703
EXTRA, EXTRA: Byte the 'Ho Bitches About Long Lost Hashit To All Hashers;
The Hashit is a symbol to recognize a hasher or group of hashers who have demonstrate themselves above and beyond the best, or someone like me who get it for no reason. I am saying all this to say let keep the Hashit available to all Mount Vernon Hashers. It should not be giving to someone who hashes once or twice a year. The only time that the Hashit should be away from MVH3 is when a faithful hashers take it to visit other Hash Houses throughout the world. Remember that the Hashit is symbol of great honor; let keep it moving around. -- Byte