MVH3 TRASH: Dec. 27, 1997 The Weekly Journal of the Morally Corrupt Mount Vernon Hash House Harriers
Girl Scouts Institutionalized After Encountering Hash on Trai
By Yes Dear
Hash Scribe
OLD KEENE MILL RD, Va. -- Twelve members of a
local girl scouts troop have been forced into therapy after
encountering the Mount Vernon Hash House Harriers on a
wooded trail.
The youngsters expected a scenic traipse through the
forest along side one of the local babbling brooks. Instead,
they saw Screws Everybody taking a wee in the woods, got
plowed over by an out-of-control Stained Sheets, and heard
Wilburr screaming about how he couldn't find his penis.
Troop leaders vowed to take the girls next week to a
much safer environment -- such as an open-air drug market in
Southeast Washington. ``At least there you'd expect to see
weird, deranged alcoholics,'' one trooper said.
So went the 541st running of the Mount Vernon Hash
House Harriers, which was hared by Slick Slit, Pudknocker,
and Missing Link. The pack gathered at a Park'nHash lot off
Old Keene Mill. The hares were itching to leave at 10 a.m.,
but Byte the 'Ho was trying to hold them up until Steamer
intervened with a blow of his whistle, which sent the hares off.
FRBs Dr. Jekyll, Cunning Runt, Byte, and French Toasted
took a commanding lead as we cut through a fence and walked
behind a strip mall to the first check. Declaring there was no
way trail would head down some stairs despite obvious flour
marking, Byte turned left and ran down a BT.
Myself, Bullwinkle, Cork Screw, and the other FRBs
went down the stairs. Cunning Runt turned right.
Remembering her lack of luck with true trail a few weeks
back, I went left. That turned out to be a BT and other than
being nearly run over by Byte as he raced to the front, I didn't
see the FRBs again until it was beer drinking time. Actually, it
is always beer drinking time. What I meant to say was that I
didn't see them again until the on-in.
As we ran through a neighborhood I noticed that Fly the
Friendly Thighs had chalk marks on her butt. She said they
were courtesy of Byte, and she had a big smile on her face.
Not sure what that means, but back to the trail.
We soon came to some power lines and what I only can
imagine was a killer check because I could see Dr. Jekyll and
Cunning Runt standing around waiting at a check as French
Toasted ran about six miles down hill to a BT.
True trail went into a neighborhood where we ran through
some woods between various housing developments. At one
point while watering my dog, I witnessed Lick it Off Baby and
Stained Sheets racing to a small bridge. Needless to say, Lick
it Off Baby was the clear victor.
We soon hit a log crossing. By this point the front of the
pack was long gone and the middle part of the pack was left
figuring out the trail on its own. Stained Sheets and I played
mini FRBs as we scoured for true trail.
After the leading the pack up and down several hills, we
were enjoying a leisurely jog alongside a stream before
running into the dreaded girl scouts. I say dreaded because I
hit them at the exact point of a check, which I missed because
they were standing on it.
This meant I dragged Perk-a-Set, 6 Yen Man, Plays-withYen,
and Friendly Thighs about an extra 1/3 of a mile down
the stream before realizing that I hadn't see flour for a long
time. The group reversed course, found the water crossing,
and headed up hill to a waiting Missing Link, who was armed
with soda and beer.
After recharging, the middle of the pack was off. We cut
through a swim club and turned right up a series of hills.
Doing my best to run extra distance, I repeatedly missed
marked checks, a point 6 Yen Man continuously reminded me
about. Soon Full Metal Balls had caught up to our merry little
group and lead us to the on-in, which was on the other side of
some power lines by a construction site. Beef stew, Sam
Adams, and the usual goodies awaited the pack.
Now for a Special Report from my favorite Deeply
Throated source:
Close hashes are always good. This was no exception.
They only thing left to speculate on was the end, Link's or
Franconia Pizzeria. A fairly good size group assembled which
included a large number of walkers. No short cut was
provided but, just like last week, Link offered to drive people
back from the beer check. And it was a true beer check, no
water was to be seen, but I'm getting ahead. (Who said head?
I'll take some of that!)
After the hares left, Byte called the hashers...blah, blah
blah. Then Steamer took over when Byte decided to bend over
and fidget with his shoes. I'm truly surprised that not one
hasher made some remark about his posterior being in the
airier for such a long time, nor took advantage of the target
provided. I guess they were of good cheer or asleep. Anyway,
off a walking we did go.
Quickly we were on trail. The walkers managed to make
the checks in record time and keep up fairly close to the pack.
Big Bird Turd graced the group with a "social visit". BBT
made some comment to Late Comer regarding work and
getting her sent somewhere, she asked him NOT to do her any
favors. So, off he went. We went somewhere through some
neighborhoods and up to some powerlines.
Seven Minutes scored a major short cut when she saw the
runners coming up a hill. So, back into the fray we went.
Sometimes the only good thing about being slow is the
shortcuts. Red Snapper and Watersports were seen running
early on. They maintained that they had to keep up with the
rest of the walkers. Down to a townhouse development and
into the woods, under a bridge sounds of on-on were heard by
Semen Hole and others. At one point, Screws Everybody
decided that the woods were empty enough for her to commit
an environmental. Late Comer and Steel Trap were with her
and they waited till the Girl Scouts on their nature walk were
just out of sight distance to tell her so. Must admit, she came
outta the brush pretty fast. Anyway, behind the pack was Fire
and Ice and Roscoe, and Watersports to name a few.
Across the creek, and up a hill to the beer check. Link
informed Bad Dog that this was half way (to what is still being
determined). Off the walkers went in twos and threes.
Through a neighborhood and some other stuff and to some
power lines to true trail and the on in. Once again Slick out
did herself with great food.
Back to the regularly scheduled Trash.... After Stained
Sheets was shot down trying to pick up the lady trying to sell
these newly built homes, the pack was ready to circle up.
Anniversaries included Rat's Ass 15, Port-a-Potty 35, 7
Minutes 35, Steamer 125, Red Snapper 200 (Or course, Dual
Airbags had her tastefully embroidered jacket waiting.) and
Dr. Jekyll 235.
We had one virgin -- Jeremy Porto, although I swear I did
not see this person ever on trail. Cumz-n-Goes visited us, but
no one told me from where.
Returners included: Plays-with-Yen, Porto-Potty,
Placenta, Paula Gordon, Bobbit, 14K, 6 Yen Man, Perk-a-Set,
Hairy Buddha, and Lady Bugger.
Plays-with-Yen kept her name, but violations included
Rat's Ass for late sign in (which he confessed to when I went
around asking for violations. So, for Rat's Ass, I'm not asking
you to turn yourself in. Rather, snitch on a friend.), Screws
Everybody for the aforementioned environmental, Wiburr for
the lost penis, Cunning Runt for walking on trail, Lady Bugger
for bathing in one of the creeks, and Steamer for an
environmental.
That's all I wrote. On-on
More Great Stuff From White Elephant Run: The Walkers Perspectiv
What a gorgeous day for a hash. The sun was shining, the grass
was green, the orange and palm trees swayed--okay, so maybe there
weren't any orange and palm trees where we started trail, but it sure
didn't detract from the day. The walkers, who were in full force, were
joined this day by Hawaiian Puke, who was still suffering from the
after effects of his 50 mile JFK run, and chocolate lab puppy Boomer
(since he is a puppy, does that make him a Baby Boomer?), whom
CheeseSpread agreed to take on trail with us. For a good part of the
trail, the walkers were able to keep up with the pack because of all of
the checks and false trails that the FRBs encountered.
The group did, however, slow down when we got to the creek
crossing, and everyone tried their best to keep from getting wet in the
rather deep, cold, and fast moving water. For Sale or Rent yelled to
use the bridge. What bridge? Up the hill and back on trail they went
leaving a whole group at the creek trying to decide the best way not
to get wet. Delinquent, Hot Legs, Red Snapper and Screws
Everybody went into the water and on up. No Class seemed to have
no problems leaping across the rocks, only getting one foot slightly
soggy. The Shields family decided to take off their shoes and wade
across, only to slip and drop their shoes into the water.
Hawaiian Puke decided to display his best officer-and-agentleman
routine by making his way to the middle of the creek and
then offering his hand to those harriettes who needed assistance.
Scoop and Milk Money would have none of that, but Black Box
graciously took his help and managed to get across the water with no
problems. Right behind her, though, was Steel Trap, who decided that
the best way to maneuver over the rocks was to lower her center of
gravity and squat down. WRONG! No sooner was Ms. Trap on the
second rock, than she misjudged her footing and went into the creek.
All the way into the creek! Completely drenched! The other harriettes
quickly came to her rescue. While Ms. Trap started stripping--this
was when Puke REALLY was glad he was the only male on trail--No
Class offered ST her jacket to wear. Fortunately, the group was only
a short distance from the beer check where Missing Link then offered
to drive ST to the end.
At the beer check, Missing Link's short-cut for the walkers was to
offer everyone a ride. But considering the size of the group and the
amount of space in his car, it was clear that at least one harriette
would have to sit on Link's lap and no one was willing to do that. Hot
Legs did take a ride feigning a tooth ache. We don't know what that
has to do with hashing but we let her ride as she was the only one
willing to sit on Link's lap.
After the beer check, Delinquent and SE caught up Pay Per View.
PPV was limping out of the woods, an environmental check she
disclosed. As they were walking through the neighborhood, a polite
youngster on a bicycle asked if we were with the runners. PPV
acknowledged this question and a short cut was provided by this
youngster. Not having any chalk, we didn't mark the check,
however, we did whistle to Captain Titanic who quickly ran our way
and off up the hill to the school to true trail.
The second walking group decided to continue on trail,
particularly since Link said that the beer check was the half-way
mark. Half way to what? Certainly not the end. But the intrepid
group kept up a good pace, passed some great houses, the golf
course, and a flock of geese, and picked up Spinal Tap, who had been
autohashing. Although at one point the group was so entranced with
the scenery that they inadvertently missed a turn in the trail, the
mistake was soon discovered and everyone got back on true trail.
When the group passed a house for sale, Puke noticed a sign that said
"I'm gorgeous inside." BB, Puke and Spinal tried to figure out how to
take the sign without being spotted by the homeowner, but to no
avail. Would have made a great addition to the gift pile.
Meanwhile, Link drove by to see how PPV, Delinquent, Bump
and Gump and others were doing. They thanked him for his concern
and continued to walk and run the trail. They followed the street
makings covered over by the industrious homeowners who raked
leaves over the checks. They were nice enough to point us in the
ight direction. Past the golf course, across a street into the woods and up the hill, the hashers went. Finally, the group spotted the "beer near" sign and when they saw the Knights of Columbus building knew that their long journey was about to end. Even though the walkers were DFL, by the time they got inside there was no line for the food and, more importantly, no line for the beer.
Hash Runs Saturday, Jan. 3 at 10 a.m. Off Route 50 Near Interstate 6
Hares
Hollow Point, See Dick Run
Date/Time
Jan. 3, 10 a.m.
Directions
Take I-66 west from I-495 (Beltway) to Route 50 West. Take third exit, West
Ox Road South. Turn right into shopping center second
traffic light) and park behind the movie theater.
Important Stuff From Mismanagement About the Mount Vernon Hash
You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Get Up Early.
Noncompetitive fun run. Costs $4. 4 to 6 miles. Hash goes
rain, snow, sleet, or sun. Keys, gear, dry shoes, etc., can
be left at the start and will meet hashers at the end.
Hares must e-mail or phone directions at least 10 days
before the run to both Yes Dear and Scoop to avoid the
rubber chicken. Trails are assumed to be dog friendly
unless explicitly noted in the directions.
Scribes take no responsibility for accuracy of this
publication.
Hash Hotline: 202-PUDJAMO, #6 for directions that are
updated by Thursday. Or visit the web site at
http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3
Receding Hare Line .........
Run 543/ Jan. 10 Wankers Aweigh
Run 544/ Jan. 17 Missing Link
Run 545/ Jan. 24 open
Run 546/ Jan. 31 open
Run 547/ Jan. 7 open
Run 548/ Feb. 14 Stained Sheets
Mismanagement ...............
Joint Masters:
Mark `Steamer' Stoffel: 703-516-2176
Calvin `Byte Lightening' Brown: 703-590-6794
byteru@aol.com
Religious Adviser:
Stan `Wide Open' Jozwiak: 703-239-0615
Co-Scribes:
Karen `Scoop' Reid: 703-836-3839
Scoopwwc@AOL.com
Jaret `Yes Dear' Seiberg:
301-890-1348 seiberg@tfn.com
On-Sec:
Jim `Full Metal Balls' Fenton: 703-339-5528
Hash Cash:
Eric `French Toasted' Geyer: 703-425-0769
Hare Raiser:
Dave `Wankers Aweigh' Bertagnoli: 703-685-0338
Haberdashers:
Nancy `Pit Stop' Geyer 703-719-0157
Tia `Dual Airbags' Perry: 703-878-703
WARNING: MVH3 Needs Hares; Submit Directions To Scribes Early
The Mount Vernon Hash House Harriers is in desperate need of hares. Please call or e-mail Wankers Aweigh to sign up. The hash is a lot more fun if a variety of people are setting trail. Remember, the only bad trail is the one not laid. Also, submit directions early. The Scribes like to go out drinking Wednesday nights, rather than sit around and wait for directions. Much thanks. Mad Dog's Annual Hang Over Hash Set for Silver Spring on Jan. 1
Join Maryland Dirt Road House Hash Harriers for the 3rd Annual Last
Hangover Helper hash and the 100th running of the
Maryland Dirt Road Hash. This is always a great run, with lots of shiggy.
New Info: Run leaves at 1 p.m.
Directions: From I-95 in Maryland, Exit 33B (Rt 198W); go to second light
and turn left on Old Gun Powder Rd. Go 1.8 miles and
turn right onto Greencastle Road. Go .8 miles and turn right into dirt
parking lot. Park 'n Hash. Probably food. Probably Oysters.
Probably T-shirts. Definitely Good Beer. Cost $10.