This week the hash went to the dogs. Yes, it seems we had more than the usual amount of beasts present for Saturday's Wine and Dine Run so there was probably more than the usual amount of beastality going on during this hash. The wankers gathered at the Brown Academy's Soccer field at the usual time and the hares were sent off with the usual fanfare at approximately 10:12. Our four-legged friends found amusement in watching us all jump around in order to stay warm and were beside themselves when Byte Lightning led us in Father Abe. Soon the pack was off, running down Telegraph road in search of flour. Most of us took a right into a subdivision while Missing Link, Full Metal Balls, Hollow Point and Beazer went straight ahead down Telegraph. (Interestingly enough, they were not seen until the ON-IN where they came in well after the pack. All four had very satisfied looks about them and Beazer immediately lit up a cigarette.)

The pack went up a series of never-ending hills and successfully navigated through a couple of well-placed checks. We rounded a corner and the entire pack was stumped at a check laid at a three-way intersection. Fellow scribe, Yes Dear and Bullwinkle were waiting as Cunning Runt and Camel Jumper checked out the alternative routes. Dr. Strangelove called On-On and the pack followed up another hill and across a busy road. French Toasted was the first on the scene of yet another check and the pack waited anxiously as he tried to decide if there was actually true trail ahead or a BT. Finally, we were convinced he had no clue and followed Wankers Aweigh around a muddy construction site. Mud Buns, Snow Fairy, and Cheap Slut decided to run through it but not before Snow Fairy made sure the mud wasn't "too muddy." We passed Roto and Hardrive cumming out of the woods as Steamer and Lucy bounded by. Trail led up the Telegraph hill, and one hasher, who shall remain nameless, remarked that if he had just short-cutted he could have saved us the trip. We were all astounded by the intelligence of this comment as we weazed, sucked and blew up the long, shiggy-filled foot path. Rat's Ass was ahead with doggy in tow as he made it across a water-filled culvert. Blank Check called On-On as we spotted trail laid across a playground, the pack followed only to find a BT and upon backtracking about 1/4 mile found true trail in Corkscrewed's neighborhood. Poop Deck spent the last portion the trail explaining to me why he could have scored the greatest short-cut of all short-cuts, but didn't. Word to the wise, never, never follow PD on a "short-cut." Trust me.

The trail ended at Corkscrewed's place where the hares provided lasagna, fried rice w/pork and of course, wine. Beer was available, as well. I think that generally speaking the pack was just happy that the trail was completed in under two hours.

The circle was an unusually raucous affair as anniversaries were celebrated by everyone, it seemed. Mellow Foreskin Cheese - 15, Camel Jumper - 25, Black Box - 35, French Toasted - 115, Corkscrewed - 135, Hot Legs - 165, Snow Fairy - 175, Red Snapper - 195, The Dribbler - 200, Roto Router - 245, Hard Drive - 305, Cheap Slut - 395. Bob Fecteau and Ray Williams were sacrificed as virgins and a Storm Chaser was just passing through. There were a few returnees, Cum Shot, Broken Rubber, No Genitals, Glad-He-Ate-Her, and Beetle Juice. There were a series of heinous violations. Black Box was caught making snow angels, sans snow. Roto hurt his hand shaking hands too hard. Dual Airbags was making a serious fashion statement with some hat she found on the roadside. Fly the Friendly Thighs got her nails done to come to the hash. Boomer, the dog was caught auto hashing. Some sex on trail was had by 3x a Lady. Unfortunately, he had sex with a horse. (I propose a renaming to Catherine the Great) Hard Drive had sex with a Duck. And, Byte was trying to hang with the GenXers with his earring. All he needs now is a flannel shirt, a knit cap and he's on his way to Seattle to bring Nirvana back together. Cheap Slut and Snow Fairy told us a couple of good jokes but we made them drink anyway. There was a vote to rename Screws Everybody after she made her decision to enter into matrimonial bliss with our very own, Poop Deck, but after all the votes were tallyed she got to keep her old name. LIOB was not so lucky. As the polls closed it looked as if LIOB will be forever known throughout the world of hashing as (drumroll peleeze) LIZBERT.

ON-ON

Scoop