The Run

Run # 535

ScrewsEveryone and YesDear

Somewhere in the outlands of Maryland.

Ah, a cold, rainy, dreary day. We just don't seem to get enough of them

now do we. To make the day an even greater success, we also got to drive

umpteen-bazillion miles to NoWhereVille, Maryland. Again! Of course the

directions were crystal clear - if you are psychic perhaps: go a-ways

down the road, over a hill, across a stream and there we'll be. (Good

english too.) Goodness, what more could you ask for on a Hashing day?

Well, we certainly got more than we had planned on. Yep, these Hares

knew how to use flour. Of course, not nearly as much as the 45 pounds

used on the Dr. Jekyll/CunningRunt trail of several weeks ago, but

certainly more than the mere dribbles from the previous week's run.

Drats, I am now ahead of myself - who said head? I got some of that!

At the start, a small clan of brightly clad hashers slowly amassed under

a park pavilion. And, as usual, every now and then a hasher would go off

to 'scent-mark' the park. Some fared much better than others: Dr.

Strangelove was caught polluting the environment by pedestrians! But,

after wearing that Marv Albert outfit for Halloweenie, nothing

embarrasses DS and he returned to the fold unscathed. Soon thereafter,

the Hares were off, heading up the hill and passing Cap'n Titanic, who

had just finished inadvertently 'scent-marking' true trail. It was also

about this time that the aged-HashSage, CheapSlut, was overheard

speaking with PoopDeck about his impending marriage. CS wanted to know

why PD decided to do this thing. PD's response: he was tired of having

sex and he was told that after you get married you just don't do that

anymore. So, the time was right! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

A late sign-in by Byte (which was ignored in the DownDown) and the pack

was off. As quickly as possible we passed by the 'markings' left by

Cap'n Titanic and followed trail into the woods, around a big huk'n pond

and onto a nice, wet, leaf- covered walking trail. Lead by the

ever-fearless and all-around nice guy, Dr. Jekyll, true trail was found

to the left, meandering by a stream. At the next check, Penniss followed

the good Dr. into oblivion, which ultimately resulted in several

waist-deep, icy stream crossings as he struggled to return to true

trail. Like the Grinch, Penniss shrunk many times that day. This 'brings

up' an an interesting side note: ScrewsEverybody announced at the finish

that the trail was laid with this particular shrinking effect in mind.

According to SE, male shrinkage can be overcome by diligent - and

extremely entertaining - efforts from female hashers. This was her grand

plan for PoopDeck and being a considerate hasherette, she thought other

Hashers might be able to convince their 'mates' to provide the same sort

of treatment. Alas, PoopDeck shortcut too much this day, missing the

cold water and thereby depriving both himself and SE of the rehab

process. SE was a bum'n dudette. How did the rest of you fair?

After the icy streams of male-shrinkage, the trail wandered through a

couple of neighborhoods, up a few dozen hills, and then across a very

well traveled highway. Byte and CunningRunt were the first to discover

the highway and in true hasher spirit, Byte headed across. But, in

teeny, tiny blue chalk on the curb was a hare's arrow pointing down, not

across, the highway. So, while the pack pushed forward, down the

highway, Byte threaded his way back across four lanes of deadly-fast

automobiles only to find another hare's arrow directing him back the way

he came. My ears are still ringing from his discourse (or was it his-

curse). Once across the highway of death, it was a quick jaunt through

the woods, into and out of a neighborhood, up a huge hill (led by Dr.

Jekyll, of course) and then a scenic tour of a local strip mall.

WoooWeeBabeee! Finally, a series of clever checks and the trail ended at

YesDear's house (sans Mrs. YesDear). Of course, moving at nearly the

speed of light, Byte and CunningRunt missed the finish markings, sailing

right by, heading off into the woods (some say to have sex on trail!).

They returned a few moments later....I guess that's all Byte takes?! I

am so sorry Runt.

As the remaining hashers wandered in, they were greeted with piping hot

(temperature and taste) soup/stew, peanut butter sandwiches (if you made

them yourself - can you say CHEAP!) and lots of cold beer. Much later,

the tag team of BurntSox and FatLady strode in. BS was looking a little

disjointed and well, he was. Somehow or other, he had (at least

according to the many Hash-medical experts on the scene) dislocated his

big toe. Stop laughing you sicko's, it really hurt. Anyway, our hero

(BurntSox) hobbled through the entire trail to the finish. Hash-it. And

then immediately summoned medical help by polling the more responsible

hashers for their opinions of his condition. Hash-it. Eventually he came

to his senses and went to the hospital. Hash-it. They think he will

recover from the operation in a couple of days, and then will be flying

off to join the Vienna Boy's Choir. Ooops. Hash-it.

Rituals

As mentioned above, the hash finished, more or less, in YesDear's house.

The DownDown rituals were conducted on YesDear's back deck. Since none

of his neighbors speak to him anyway, it seemed appropriate. We

certainly could not make the situation any worse.

The first to drink were last week's hares: their trail was three trails

long and so they will have to drink at least one more week. There were

no virgins nor visitors (Did you really think there might be after last

week's fiasco?!) and so, last week's hares were also voted-in as virgin

substitutes and drank again, but only after introducing themselves.

Anniversarians included: RubberMadien (5); Wilburrr (105); Continental

Drip (195) and Byte Lightning (245). There was also one returning hasher

- Cap'n Titanic. Now get this, CT actually stayed at the finish long

enough to have to drink. Will wonders never cease?

There were many violations. However, most were never recognized by

Mis-Management. Go figure. Violators: HardDrive-buying a new mountain

bike while unemployed and being called to come back to work for the

company that fired him, not even a week later; Byte-showing Star69 more

of his backside than she cared to see; Star69-complaining about see

Byte's butt and not being able to get a date for the Marine Corp ball;

CunningRunt-calling a true trail arrow a BT (blondes!);

PinkyPenis-taking a mid-term exam instead of running the trail and then

showing up in civilian clothes; Physical Terrorist-announcing on trail

that she did not bring her whistle (I wonder if she is really a blonde

in disguise.); HotLegs and Wankers-being late (which is not necessarily

a bad thing!); ScrewsEveryBody and PoopDeck-getting engaged.

See you tomorrow,

Heidi