They were followed closely at the conclusion of the 26 mile, 385 yard-long course by Missing Link, Poop Deck, Full Metal Balls, Camel Jumper, Motto, Stained Sheets, and assorted other hashers that I was too tired to remember.

Short-cutting bastards Byte and Dr. Jeckyll were disqualified for skipping an entire segment of the trail that ran through the woods and a graveyard. Still, they finished in 1:23.

The walkers, led by Screws Everybody and Black Box, arrived in 2:35.

Hares French Toasted, Late Cummer, Put it Out, Latin Anal-ist, and FUBAR were still drinking down-downs as of 3 p.m. Friday when the Trash went to press.

So went MVH3 run #534. The pack gathered in a steady drizzle at Mt. Vernon High School. The hares were away promptly at 10 a.m., although Latin Anal-ist did not have any flour. That was a mistake. FUBAR, who was still U Gotta Be Shitting Me at the time, had a full bag of flour. That also was a mistake. But more on that later.

After a rousing rendition of F'ther Abe, the pack declared Byte a 'Ho and headed off on trail. Missing Link checked right, so the pack went left only to wind up at a BT. True trail was found in the general direction of Link and Full Metal Balls. We passed the first of many recreation centers as we went along a path by some woods.

The pack, possibly led by Tickle Me Ivy, descended onto the grounds of a cheap motel. The pack checked in all directions and true trail was found heading right.

We some how ended up running up Route 1. After cutting through the third 7-11 of the trail, the pack was headed up a street when Byte, Cunning Runt, and Dr. Jeckyll lost track of flour.

Blank Check and I found true trail into the woods. After defeating some particularly vicious thorns -- Roto was heard repeatedly yelping in pain -- the trail ran smack into a stream, that was up near the top of its banks. The FRBs had a choice: walk along a slippery log in the now pouring rain or jump into the stream. We chose the stream and were greeted with waist deep water.

Trail dumped into another neighborhood and we soon were circling around Mt. Vernon Hospital. Trail continued up past a school and ended up at a fire station, where a water stop was set up.

True trail was lost. Dr. Jeckyll appeared to be running loops around the station, but no flour could be found. Poop Deck checked right, but turned back. I went across the street, one of a half dozen hashers who failed to find flour. Finally flour was spotted behind the school we had passed earlier and the pack was off.

After more neighborhood running, we entered some woods. A BT was spotted up some steps. Cork Screw and I kept checking forward. No flour. Blank Check and Hard Drive found true trail back at a small bridge we crossed. Trail ran along the stream for about 300 yards.

Soon Cunning Runt again lost flour. I was watering my dog in the stream as the pack turned around. This proved fortunate because true trail was found up at the street. We climbed a steep hill and soon were in a neighborhood.

After another long check at a four-way intersection, true trail was found going down hill into a stream. Cork Screw and I checked on the other side of the stream. Big Bird Turd went right along the creek.

Eventually we found trail, which led up the opposite bank and into a cemetery. A hare's arrow pointed the pack down hill. Then nothing.

Cunning Runt kept doing laps up and down the street. I went into the woods on the right, where I found lots of trails but no flour. I soon headed back the road in a creek. Roto was checking in the creek on the other side of the street.

Finally trail was found on a side street back up the hill. How this was found I have no idea. Blank Check and Hard Drive were trying to encourage a slow-moving Roto to catch up. His response: ``I'm already in high gear.''

After running for more miles trail cut through another school and soon the pack was stumped at a check. Cork Screw went straight but apparently did not go far enough because true trail eventually was found in that direction. I believe Dr. Strangelove may have joined us then.

Cunning Runt was returning from no trail to the left and she dragged half the pack with her to no trail on the right. Eventually we went straight again and found true trail.

We ran through more neighborhoods before finding the second water stop. The pack hit this water stop, around mile 18, at 1:23 into the run.

Link apparently was ahead of the pack at this point, but he missed the hare's arrow directing the pack to the left. [I was depressed the whole day,'' Link said afterward of missing the arrow.] We soon entered some more woods, crossed a creek, and hit a check by a school.

We checked everywhere. Cunning Runt took most of the pack to the right, behind the school. Bullwinkle and I went in front of the school. We hooked up by a girl's soccer game.

We decided it had to be a back check and proceeded back to the bridge. Poop Deck and others appeared around now and true trail was spotted in the creek. We soon came to a road. We had a choice: enter a drainage pipe and cross under the road, or hop a fence and cross over the road. True trail was supposed to be in the pipe, but one of Fairfax's finest forced the hare's to close the manhole cover.

This is the time we found French Toasted, the hare. Fortunately, we were too tired to kill him. He assured us we only had another mile to go and after more neighborhoods we saw beer near at the entrance of Fort Hunt Park.

With no flour at this point to guide us, the pack spread out and eventually found the on-in set up under the shelter. Chili, sandwiches, cup cakes, cookies, soda, coffee, and of course, beer, greeted the pack.

The hares were out looking for hashers, giving us wankers a wonderful opportunity to bitch nonstop. Some favorite comments: ``Was Wankers a consultant to the hares?'' -- Stained Sheets; ``I was 40 when I started this run'' -- Ollie North; ``That was two trails'' -- Yes Dear and assorted others; ``No, it was three trails'' -- Cunning Runt and assorted others.

Not everyone ran the trail, which if you could forget about the length wasn't too bad. Wankers, Mud Buns, Pudknocker, and Cold Sweat decided to follow Mud Buns on a short-cut by crossing a BT. ``She said we can just cut through and meet up with the pack,'' Wankers said. ``Well, we met up with the pack but not until after someone gave us a ride from the cars.''

The walkers had their own fun, according to a well placed, deep-throated source:

What an awesome day it started out to be. A light rain to keep things cool and put hashers in just the right mood for a fabulous trail. One would think that hashers would learn from the past. How many screwed up runs have we had with a zillion hares? Two come to mind. But knowing two experienced hares, Late Cummer and French Toasted, were part of the "pack of hares" lead us to a false sense of sanity.

Off the hares went in a star burst pattern. This isn’t bad per say, but with flour being thrown by only one hare, well, you get the picture. As the pack took off on a BT, the walkers were the frbs. This was the first of many times they would be frb’s. Across the road to a field to another BT and finally to true trail. The pack was seen running from all sides. Shortly after getting on true trail, Poop Deck came up and wanted to hitch a walk. He was run off with hash shit in hand as a bad luck omen. Back to true trail we went.

The trail itself was pretty uneventful. In fact, the most interesting thing about this trail was the number of times we met the pack. Stained Sheets and Bad Dog were like finding pennies. At one point of no flour and looking forever, we found a pee-wee football father who guided us on our way. Seems the pack was so busy being lost they forgot to mark the trail for the rest of the pack. How thoughtful, and after someone went and bought chalk just for this purpose. Oh, well, blame it on the rain. Yeah, it washed the marks away.

After missing the first water check, and making it to the second water check, we persevered. On to Ft Hunt Park. And of course it had to be a half mile across the park to get to the beer. Fortunately there was food left, seems almost everyone else was out late too. And when a pick up truck full of stragglers arrived, well, we knew then it was the mark of a truly f*cked up trail. But hey, it killed a Saturday-literally.

Back to the circle…. The circle began and the hares drank. Then they drank for the second trail they set. Then the drank for the third trail they set. By the time French Toasted finished sweeping he already was six down-downs behind.

Anniversaries included Blank Check 305, Pit Stop 155, Ken Hawes 5, and U Gotta Be Shitting Me 5. U Gotta Be Shitting Me was renamed FUDAR and Ken Hawes was named I Wasn't A Hare, the comment he repeatedly made when called up for his naming.

Violations, besides the hares, included Poop Deck, who asked his bride-to-be to carry his penis in her pocket, and Screws Everybody for agreeing to give it back to him. All auto-hashers drank, and Blank Check was supposed to drink for his birthday.

Poop left before the hash shit could speak. So Camel Jumper stupidly took the hash shit in his place. Then he refused to speak. He would have gotten stuck with it if Black Box didn't nominate Screws Everybody for agreeing to marry a hasher. Byte nominated Slip Knot, who for the first time ever accepted a ride in. But of course the hash shit went to the hares, who probably will keep it for weeks to come.

That's all I wrote. On-on.

From the beltway, take Telegraph Road south. Go about one mile. Left at Browne Academy School. Park on gravel area and on left of bridge inside complex. Do NOT park on soccer field.

Scribes take no responsibility for accuracy of this publication.

Hash Hotline: 202-PUDJAMO, #6 for directions that are updated by Thursday. Or visit the web site at http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3

Run 535/Nov. 8…….. Yes Dear, Screw Everybody

Run 536/Nov. 15…….. Slick, Stained, Cork

Run 537/Nov. 22…….. Quick Drawers, Dual Airbags

Run 538/Nov. 29…….. Steamer, Wankers

Run 539/Dec. 6…….. Penis, Roto

Run 540/Dec. 13…….. Christmas Run: Byte, Link

Run 541/Dec. 20…. Slick, Link, Pudknocker

Joint Masters:

Mark `Steamer’ Stoffel: 703-516-2176

Calvin `Byte Lightening’ Brown: 703-590-6794 byteru@aol.com

Stan `Wide Open’ Jozwiak: 703-239-0615

Karen `Scoop’ Reid: 703-836-3839 Scoopwwc@AOL.com

Jaret `Yes Dear’ Seiberg:

301-890-1348 seiberg@tfn.com

Jim `Full Metal Balls’ Fenton: 703-339-5528

Eric `French Toasted’ Geyer: 703-425-0769

Dave `Wankers Aweigh’ Bertagnoli: 703-685-0338

Nancy `Pit Stop’ Geyer 703-719-0157

Tia `Dual Airbags’ Perry: 703-878-7030

In an effort to add new tunes to our collective hash knowledge, the religious advisor has selected two hash classics that we normally don't sing. These lyrics will appear in the trash during the next few weeks. Learn them or at least pretend to.

Sally in the alley siftin' cinders

Lifted up her leg and farted like a man

Wind from her butt blew out six windows

Cheeks of her ass went Blam, Blam, Blam.

I'm looking over

My Dead Dog Rover

That I ran over with the mower

One leg is missing, the other is gone

The third leg is shredded all over the lawn

You see there's no use explaining, the one remaining

It's spinning on the carpet floor

I'm looking over,

My dead dog Rover

That I ran over with the mower.

The full moon hash is set for Friday at Mr. Days in downtown Washington. Call Pubjam0 for more details.

Mount Vernon's annual Thanksgiving hash is set for Nov. 29. The time is expected to be in early afternoon, although the exact time has not yet been set. Cost will be $4 and a dish for the dinner. Please talk to hares Steamer and Wankers to sign up for various foods. Christmas Run is set for Dec. 13. Details to follow.