In fact, almost the entire pack gave up after the water stop on the trail, which was set by hares Wankers Aweigh, Hot Legs, Rubberhummer and Red Snapper.

That's unfortunate because this started out as a pretty amazing hash. The pack gathered at a park in downtown D.C. bordered by 13^th, 14^th, K, and I streets. About 30 wankers were there, a surprisingly small pack for Mt. Vernon. The small turnout meant the pack stuck together and everyone was checking for true trail -- a rather uncommon occurrence for our hash which normally features many really fast people who hit the checks long before the rest of the pack arrives.

Byte, for the third week in a row, held back the pack to give hashers time to park. Most of the pack either arrived by Metro or parked in one of the many spots with busted meters. A few like French Toasted chose a nearby side street with free parking. A couple of others, like Black Box and Screws Everybody, paid $5 to park in a lot. Then there was Stained Sheets, who managed to park three blocks away and pay $10. Just shows what years of hashing can do to your mind.

We declared Byte a 'Ho after Father Abe and took off in pursuit of flour. After subtracting out the walkers, the pack consisted of only 20 or so hashers. This meant we were altogether during most of the run. Even Slick Slit and Little Emperor were FRBs at various point during the first half of the run.

We exited the park on 14^th street and headed down to New York Ave. The got sidetracked here. Byte checked left, I went right and Cork Screw went straight. Actually, lots of other hashers went in similar directions but those are the only ones I remember.

Someone called on-on to the left, but it turned out to be a BT. Now we should have realized here that we were going to have problems because we had a hell of a time finding flour. Eventually true trail was found on G Street, although there were no marks between the check and G Street.

We didn't see flour leading to the circle, but we found some in the middle of it. A pleasant gentleman hanging out in the traffic circle told us to go northwest. We ignored him and the long-haired guy and Byte went south. They found a ``walkers'' hare arrow, indicating that indeed we should head northwest.

This lasted for two minutes. We again hit busy street we searched last time, only now we were several blocks further north at a check. Buddha located a trail going west, but it led to a clearly marked BT. Corkscrew checked an alley with French Toasted. , they reported nothing. Byte and Link continued heading north to no avail. Eventually the pack decided to run through the BT and see what happened. Guess what? We didn't find flour.

Realizing I had to report on the entire trail, I stuck with them. Big mistake.

Link eventually found flour in the alley checked by Corkscrew and French Toasted. (French Toasted later denied checking the alley, but we have numerous first-hand accounts that place him on the scene.)

The four of us --- brave hashers embarking on a hellish journey -- ran through a series of alleys heading generally west. We mostly ran from check to check because there was not any flour in between. We are talking zip. This was particularly surprising because trail took us past both a Safeway and a Giant.

Us four noble hashers continued the journey, eventually ending up at Dupont Circle. Flour reappeared, but again there was no pattern. We'd see some by a trash can and then nothing for two blocks. Also, trail never headed in a straight line, making the task even tougher.

Eventually true trail was found and we ended up at International Square. We followed a hare's arrow into the basement of a building, which was being remodeled. Finding no sign of the hash, we exited and eventually picked up trail near the new World Bank building.

Soon we were heading through Lafayette Park, down H Street and to the on-in. We arrived one hour and 36 minutes after the run began.

Wankers tried to explain how they pre-laid part of the trail the previous day and the flour must have been swept up. We weren't buying it. The biggest problems were the less desirable neighborhoods. This city can't even open its schools, yet we are supposed to believe they attack the sidewalks to eliminate unwanted flour. Plus, these streets were covered with crud and garbage.

In a last ditch effort to placate us, Wankers noted that some of the pack reported seeing someone sweeping. That's true. A 80-year old guy was sweeping in front of his apartment. Some how I don't think he erased five miles of flour.

Before we get to the walkers' trail, a bit of a preface. Wankers apparently made a big deal of being the one to give the directions to the walkers. So he grabs Black Box for this very secret task. Now mind you, there is no map this week, just some vague directions on which way to start to get to the walkers trail.

The pack takes of and goes on right while the walkers go on straight. After a block BB says, "I think he said on left?" This was a foreboding moment that we should have heeded. Regardless, the walkers being ever adventurous went on left. Half a block up and hash was spotted and true trail was found.

As we walked, Steel Trap explained to Christine what hashing was and what the flour meant. Up an alley and on left again, hmm a pattern is emerging. Big chalk letters proclaimed "WALKERS." About this time, BB was observed doing some bizarre dance. Maybe it was a dance to the hash Gods for a good trail? No, it was determined that the huge, hairy, squashed rat that she almost stepped on was the cause of her dance. After the obligatory "euwws" it was decided that this must be the work of Hot Legs. (Funny, didn’t she make the food for the on-in?)

On we went through a parking lot and in the general direction of Logan Circle. Our first check was easy to spot, as it had big chalk letters outside the circle saying WALKERS. The big chalk letters were recurrent, however this did not carry over into the hares arrows markings. Which were only three inches in length. Again it was decided that Hot Legs was the culprit of the extra teensy arrows. Maybe she was imaging Wankers? Anyway, at this check the pack split up and off they went to scout. One group went down an alley and then to another alley before realizing that they were very alone in a not so great part of town. During this check we discovered that whistles did no good. Seems the everyday noise level was sufficient to drown them out. Not to mention that the locals looked at us as if we were crazy first for whistling then for yelling on-on as the rest of the pack brought up the rear.

A tiny hares arrow was spied crossing the street and on over we did go. We must commend the hares on their powers of persuasion in getting the locals to assist in throwing the pack off. Flour was spied and into a fenced area BB went, when a group of locals stepped aside and a very tiny hares arrow was spied. On to true trail again. This time we turned right and were within sight of Logan Circle. On over and around we went. The park regulars asked if we were part of the runners. The first thought is that the rest of the pack had already been by. This kind soul was good enough to point us in the right direction. Right to a BT! On back to true trail and into the H2O stop where were met by Hot Legs and Red Snapper. Red informed us the pack had not yet made it when down the street like a streak of lightening came the FRB—Stained Sheetz, with Corked Screwed about 25 yards behind. This should have been the second omen as to how the run was going.

The rest of the pack were not far behind, even Slick and the Little Emperor via his bike. A quick drink and Hot Legs sent the pack back they way they came and with the instructions to cross the street and on right. So, on right we did. And at the next block, 14^th street, the pack again met up. Byte, Yes Dear, Link and others were running every which way looking for trail. They would head in one direction and after 2 blocks come streaking back, a BT they would yell. Then off in another direction only to come back to the rest of the pack. The pack was getting restless, not to mention aggravated at the lack of flour. Slick reminded us that there was some kind of rule that didn’t allow HL and Wankers to hare together. How could this have happened? Cries of "Kill the hares!" were heard.

Finally someone asked what the map said. If you remember last week, BB had a map only to be chastised for using it on trail. Anyway, BB had no map to refer. With the FRB’s running willy nilly, the rest of the pack just started walking down 14^th Street. It was decided by Screws Everybody and Black Box to go down Rhode Island Avenue towards the start. Off the pack went and agreed that we had been out way too long. French Toasted and For Sale or Rent came running back and informed us that no flour was to be found, but we didn’t care, we wanted that roadkill stew that we knew was waiting at the end.

With ¾ of the pack walking behind the Queen Bee, it was decided to turn down 15^th. Little did we know that the virgin Christine, disguised as a mom with a baby stroller complete with baby, knew the location of the on-in. Along the way, Steel Trap revealed that she did have a chain mail bra. Well, it was heartily decided that she should wear this paraphernalia to the next hash and model it.

Eventually Christine led us to an alley a block from the start. There we found a half dozen hashers who had somehow Zen hashed to the on-in. Chorus’s of "Kill the Hares" could be heard. Now the pack was not to be placated till food and drink were had. They descended on the roadkill stew with relish. And the beer to calm the frazzled nerves. It was noted that Slick was receiving many a condolence for having driven with Missing Link, who was still on trail. Wankers did his best to assure the unruly crowd that there actually had been flour and it had been preset (so it was Memorex afterall) and that the flour must have gotten swept away. I can’t think of anyone who bought this story. About this time HL was professing that she had nothing do with the second half of the trail and that it was all Wankers. This was just a ploy to deflect the sting of the hash wrath on to her beloved. But the pack didn’t care, a hare is a hare is a hare.

About half an hour after the majority of the pack was in, Next Week came r*cing around the corner on his ultra spiffy bike. Later many a hasher was seen coveting the steel steed. He was followed by Byte, Yes Dear and Missing Link all on foot. Seems that NW, who is always late, was riding around lost when he happened upon the usual FRB’s who were DFL when you get down to it. With roadkill stew and beer for all, tempers were soothed and conviviality began its return to the group.

The circle was rather short, mostly because the rest of the pack had been waiting about 40 minutes for the FRBs to arrive. We made the hares drink, but not nearly often enough for their crimes. SlipKnot drank for racing because he beat Byte to the end and Byte drank for coming in after SlipKnot.

Virgin Christine, who brought a baby in a stroller on trail, did a down-down. Unfortunately in my state of utter exhaustion -- it is not easy keeping up with Byte and Link -- I don't remember much more. After a quick Swing Low, the pack went home, happy to have survived another infamous Wankers/Hot Legs trail. Hot Legs, in a goodwill gesture, toured the park before leaving distributing leftover pasta and iced tea to the homeless. Kudos to her. Am bit surprised, however, that she wasn't offering them leftover flour. Oh well.

That's all I wrote. On-on.

Hey Yes Dear. Please put this in verbatim. Thanx and love ya... heeheehee. Announcing that MVH3 has been declared as MCH3, Montgomery County Hash House Harriers... For the gazillioth time, our Marylanders are forcing the Virginians up the

road into Montgomery County. Please note, the only hash that occurred in Frederick County was initiated by Hard Drive. See Hard Drive, I knew I'd correct you again! Travel up the 495 Beltway. Take 270N at the "Y". At exit 10, jack off, I mean

get off onto Rte 117W, aka Clopper Rd. Stay on 117W for 3.2154 miles. At the intersection of Maten(e)y Rd. and Clopper Rd, take a right. It's the fifth light, I think. Then take an immediate right and park catty corner to WEIS MARKETS. Dog, cat, cow and horse friendly. Do not bring sheep.

Scribes take no responsibility for accuracy of this publication.

Hash Hotline: 202-PUDJAMO, #6 for directions that are updated by Thursday. Or visit the web site at http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3

Run 529/ Sept. 27……. Red Dress Run!!!!

Run 530/Oct. 4....... Killer Bees

Run 531/ Oct. 11……. OKTOBERFEST; Dr Strangelove, Wide Open

Run 532/Oct. 18....... Cunning Runt, Dr. Jekyl

Run 533/Oct. 25....... Halloween Run: Blank Check

Run 534/Nov. 1…….. Put It Out

Run 535/Nov. 8…….. Yes Dear, Screw Everybody

Joint Masters:

Mark `Steamer’ Stoffel: 703-516-2176 steamer@patriot.net

Calvin `Byte Lightening’ Brown: 703-590-6794 byteru@aol.com

Stan `Wide Open’ Jozwiak: 703-239-0615

Karen `Scoop’ Reid: 703-836-3839 Scoopwwc@AOL.com

Jaret `Yes Dear’ Seiberg:

301-890-1348 seiberg@tfn.com

Jim `Full Metal Balls’ Fenton: 703-339-5528

Eric `French Toasted’ Geyer: 703-425-0769

Dave `Wankers Aweigh’ Bertagnoli: 703-685-0338

Nancy `Pit Stop’ Geyer 703-719-0157

Tia `Dual Airbags’ Perry: 703-878-7030

Yes, it is true. A year has passed since Mount Vernon last hosted this annual day of decadence. So find a Red Dress, cough up some cash, and find someone who is accepting registrations. Here are the details: $16 up until Sept. 20. $25 after that. Register with Burnt Sox, Blank Check, Pay per View, or Black Box. Gather at the Rock by the Gallery Place metro in downtown D.C. Please take the subway. The Rock is next to MCI arena. Registration is at 2 p.m. Hares away at 3 p.m. Red dress mandatory. Please register early. It makes everyone's life much easier. Thanks.