Hash Nearly Gets Sick After Run; Unrelated to Tainted Beef

By Yes Dear

Hash Scribe

DUNN LORING METRO, Va. -- Mount Vernon Hashers nearly engaged in a collective up-chuck at the end of run #525, but it had nothing to do with the fact that we were eating hamburgers produced by Hudson's food.

Rather Hareball, MVH3's favorite exhibitionist, began another of his dreaded strip-tease acts. Fortunately, it didn't go any further than the removal of his dog collar and shirt. In fact, Burnt Sox -- armed with the hashshit -- actually convinced Hareball to put his shirt back on. This was a wise move on Hareball's part because, as we all know now from the New York police, a hashshit is a very dangerous weapon.

Run #525 began at the Dunn Loring metro station off of Gallows Road. Hares Big Bird Turd, Perk-a-Set, Poop Deck, and Hot Legs were off at 10:10, our second late start of the month. Joint Master Byte decided the pack needed more time to gather. Clearly he's becoming a softie in his old age -- actually caring about late comers, but not Late Comer who was all but ignored by our 'Ho.

The pack did Father Abe, declared Byte a 'Ho, and then headed off following Missing Link toward the subway station. The wankers quickly came to their senses -- after all, no one follows Link -- and found true trail in the opposite direction.

The pack passed through an office building, turned right at the beltway, and paraded along an embankment behind an apartment complex. The back was pretty much together through this part, although Maryland Dirt Road Joint Master Tenderloin pretended to be a MVH3 FRB. That simply got him stuck in a field, off trail with Cunning Runt. Dr. Jeckyl was no where to be seen.

We turned left at Rt. 29, crossed the beltway, and headed right into a golf course. True trail headed into a stream and through a tunnel. Fly the Friendly Thighs decided to hump a large log that was blocking our way. Actually, she slipped on the log and landed spread eagle. It was quite a spectacle.

We came out on the other side of Rt. 29 and immediately proceeded to cross the street and re-enter the golf course, this time by the put-put course. True trail turned into the golf course. Cunning Runt tried to hop the fence, rather than parallel true trail on the wrong side of the fence like most of the pack. Unfortunately she got stuck mid way, forcing Byte to grab her ass to haul her over. Dr. Jeckyl later accused Byte of de-flowering his princess.

But back to the trail…. True trail headed right, following a stream bed into a neighborhood. We skipped from street to street under the grueling sun. The natives were quite friendly, with one even asking if we were a hash. None decided to join us, despite repeated invitations.

We eventually encountered the WO&D trail, which we entered and used to cross I-66. After circling a park, the pack found Perk-a-Set waiting with water. After more neighborhoods, the pack encountered a back check, which stumped the FRBs, but not little Lucy and Steamer, who wisely ignored the FRBs and followed some other wankers who were calling on-on.

Around this point we encountered the walkers, Wide Open, and Wankers Aweigh, who all began this run by following Gallows Road rather than turning into the office building.

According a deep throated source, Queen Bee Black Box had a map with a short cut, but neglected to let the walking group know that they would be on left versus on over. After much confusion and discussion on the length of the short cut, 4 versus 5 miles, the walking group with two new cumers , rooster's Wide Open and Wankers Away, made their way on left. Wide Open was walking presumably because he was injured, and he limped to add credibility and Wankers since he would be r*cing the next day. (Which I'm told he always wins! Sounds like a drinkable offense) It was interesting to note that while we walked thru a BT, Missing Link had already marked this way as true trail.

Brown Poopon whined about how much she didn't like her name and asked if we couldn't please help get her renamed. Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to like your name? Regardless, on we went with Black Box giving instructions. Visitors Kathy and Greg joined us as they were guests of Tore Ass.

As we walked towards true trail, No Class ran up to a new home to get a brochure. Seems that 7 Minutes and Lick It Off, Baby had been discussing how much they would go for. (Sox you have your work cut out for you!) Anyway, 7 Minutes guessed $125,000, the brochure said $314,000. After a good laugh, we proceed down the hill to the bike trail and to true trail. Then on to the water stop where Perk-e-set, BBT and Poop Deck were pouring water. Wide Open and Wankers Away skipped the water stop in order to gain ground. Does this sound like whining? Yep, you bet, they were complaining about the walkers walking to fast. Hey, if you can't stand the heat..... Beltway Barb, a visitor from Wisconsin was the last walker to the check, not bad for her first hash.

Through the woods and into a neighborhood we went with no sign of the runners. Up to Cedar Lane where we went right with Black Box using the map to call out directions. About this time Screws Everybody mentioned that while on true trail we should do the trail, i.e. check the checks and get rid of the damn map. On we went past BBT's cousins house, but no water stop today. Down the hill to a check and back to real hashing. As the FWB's stopped to scout LIO,B yelled back asking what the map said. Where upon BB replied that she couldn't use the map.

Just Greg, Just Cathy and Screws Everybody went back to the last check and on to true trail. Nothing like having visitors be FBW's for a while. Sounds of the pack could be heard. Cork Screwed and Mud Buns came running by and on to the back and over check. This gave the walkers and lot of the pack time to catch up. On down to the woods the wankers went. Now, the walkers have a theory, to use gravity and run down hill. This would come back later to haunt them.

Anyway, back through the woods to the school and into the development we went. Having done this part of the trail many times, a short cut was taken and marked through the neighborhood to the on in at BBT's house. Later Hot Legs came looking for Wankers Away. Seems we lost him on trail. But only temporarily as he and Wide Open straggled in later.

The rest of the pack -- those running bastards -- eventually we crossed Gallows Road, ran through some pricey town homes, and trudged through a stream to the on-in. Actually only a few of us went through the stream. The rest pissed off the neighborhood by cutting through back yards to keep their shoes dry.

We munched on tainted beef, sausage, chips, cookies and of course beer. We had much to celebrate. Anniversaries included: Rubbermaiden 5, Spits it Out 5, Carole Roeder 5, Black Box 25, Hareball 35, Friendly Thighs 50, Fire & Ice 69, No Class 105, Poop Deck 195, and Bushmaster 215.

We had one virgin -- Lyle Vander Schunt, whose wife we might note came without him last week -- and numerous visitors including: Cathie Sweeney, Gregg Access, Where-da-Fa-Khawe, Ralph Feno, John Fiolo, Cindy McDonald, Barb Overdahl, Tenderloin, and Sleepless in Seoul. Returners included A.J. Jablonsky, Wide Open, Cross Hares, Live Aids, RAS, Missed Erections.

Sharon Gustanfson almost became Spanish Fly, Latin Lover, and Poodle Chew. Instead, we named her Latin Anal-ist, because she studies Latin America for the World Bank. Brown Poop-On demanded a new name because she did not actually crap on trail. Rather, she urinated. . The naming committee agreed and considered punishment names such as Beer Belly and Jenny Craig before deciding on Water Sport. Then someone yelled out Gray Pee On. That drew cheers and became her new name.

Violators included the walkers for running, Tore Ass and Fire & Ice for sex on trail, Cork Screw for littering, and Mud Buns, Hard Drive, Rut Ro, Snow Fairy and Big Bird Turd for running a race in Annapolis. Hard Drive whined that he shouldn't have to drink because he didn't win. The pack ignored the plea.

We sang Happy Birthday to Friendly Thighs and made Slick Slit, Rubbermaiden, Goofy, and Cross Hares drink for no whistles.

A note from the scribes: Sun stoke is causing us to remember less and less from the trail. So, we are always looking for good stories. Please e-mail them to us by no later than the Wednesday after the run.

That's all I wrote. On-on.

Start at Hechinger parking lot nearly Montgomery Mall. ADC Montgomery County Map 31 A11.

From Virginia or I-270 South. Take Exit 1B (Democracy Blvd West) First Exit on I270 if coming northbound from Virginia and last exit if coming from Gaithersburg. Go about 1/4 mile, right onto West Lake Drive at corner with Exxon station. Turn right at second light. (about 1/4 mile) onto West Lake Terrace. Turn left at first light and park in Hechinger parking lot.

From Maryland beltway, take exit 36 (Old Georgetown Road) north toward Rockville. Turn left at third light (about .6 miles) onto Democracy Blvd. Go 1.6 miles and turn right at Exxon onto West Lake Drive. Follow same directions as above.

Trail is A to B. Dog friendly, not stroller friendly.

Scribes take no responsibility for accuracy of this publication.

Hash Hotline: 202-PUDJAMO, #6 for directions that are updated by Thursday. Or visit the web site at http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3

Run 527/Sept. 13....... Run 528/ Sept. 20……. Missing Link, Slick Slit

Run 529/ Sept. 27……. Red Dress Run!!!!

Run 530/Oct. 4....... Killer Bees

Run 531/ Oct. 11……. OKTOBERFEST; Dr Strangelove, Wide Open

Run 532/Oct. 18....... Cunning Runt, Dr. Jekyl

Run 533/Oct. 25....... Halloween Run: Blank Check

Run 534/Nov. 1…….. Put It Out

Run 535/Nov. 8…….. Yes Dear, Screw Everybody

Joint Masters:

Mark `Steamer’ Stoffel: 703-516-2176 steamer@patriot.net

Calvin `Byte Lightening’ Brown: 703-590-6794 byteru@aol.com

Stan `Wide Open’ Jozwiak: 703-239-0615

Karen `Scoop’ Reid: 703-836-3839 Scoopwwc@AOL.com

Jaret `Yes Dear’ Seiberg:

301-890-1348 seiberg@tfn.com

Jim `Full Metal Balls’ Fenton: 703-339-5528

Eric `French Toasted’ Geyer: 703-425-0769

Dave `Wankers Aweigh’ Bertagnoli: 703-685-0338

Nancy `Pit Stop’ Geyer 703-719-0157

Tia `Dual Airbags’ Perry: 703-878-7030

Yes, it is true. A year has passed since Mount Vernon last hosted this annual day of decadence. So find a Red Dress, cough up some cash, and find someone who is accepting registrations. Here are the details: $16 up until Sept. 20. $25 after that. Register with Burnt Sox, Blank Check, Pay per View. Gather at the Rock by the Gallery Place metro in downtown D.C. Please take the subway. The Rock is next to MCI arena. Registration is at 2 p.m. Hares away at 3 p.m. Red dress mandatory. Please register early. It makes everyone's life much easier. Thanks.

Hares have had some difficulty recently with the reimbursement system. So for all of your who have forgotten, here is the law of the land. During the warm months -- read May through September -- hares are authorized to spend up to $175 per run. During the colder months the limit drops to $150. This does not mean you need to spend all the money and it doesn't mean you can't go over. But the most we will pay is $175 in warm months and $150 in cold months. These limits are based on the average number of hashers we get each week during these seasons. Weeks when we have a small crowd are subsidized by weeks when we have a large one. To get your cash, you need receipts. We know this is a pain in the ass, but tough. Just through the scraps on paper in your Hash bag and turn them in as soon as possible after your run. We need to stick to these limits if we want to keep the runs at $4. Thanks.