McLEAN, VA. -- Softball players went on strike last week in this wealthy suburban Washington enclave after sweaty and smelly wankers repeatedly invaded their playing fields during Mount Vernon Hash House Harriers run #524.

Set by hares Big Bird Turd, Fly the Friendly Thighs, Goofy, Perk-a-Set, and some male young-in related to Friendly Thighs, the trail brought the pack past no fewer than five softball games.

Guess how many games us wankers interrupted?

You got it. All five.

The pack gathered at the McLean high school, just a mile or so from the beltway's Tyson Corner's exit. The hares were off promptly at 10 a.m., although Friendly Thighs begged Joint Master and 'Ho Byte to delay the send off.

I only can imagine this was to give the hare's more time to buy flour because we had five hares and only three bags of flour, two of which combined contained less of the white stuff than Scoop the flour child laid during the scribes run last month.

Of course, at least Big Bird Turd and Friendly Thighs had flour. I'm not sure how the others could really consider themselves hares. After all, isn't the point to set trail, not run it early?

But I digress. The pack performed a rather lame version of Father Abe, declared Byte a 'Ho, and took off into the woods. Most of the pack was walking. Not Slick Slit. She and Beezer were running from the start and became the first FRBs of the day. Some how or another, however, they were some of the last hashers in, just beating out Slip Knot, Rutro, and Spreadsheets. Go figure.

Trail quickly deposited the pack on a side street with a check. The pack followed the FRB down an even smaller side street which was well marked with flour. It ended at a farm. With no ``BT'' the pack began searching the field for signs of flour. This prompted a fairly standard ``Get off my property or I'll call the police warning.''

Hashers, satisfied that there was no flour in the field anyway, complied with the ultimatum and caught up with walkers Black Box, Screws Everybody, Hot Legs, and No Class who were FRBs. (more on the walkers below)

Trail wound its way along a series of moderately busy streets to our first softball game of the day, which was quickly and thoroughly disrupted. After parading around a community vegetable garden, we entered a neighborhood and cut through an apartment complex.

Full Metal Balls, who amazingly enough was still on true trail at this point, tried to short cut and bring virgin Manuela with him. Or maybe he wasn't trying to get lost?

Investigators are still trying to figure that out. Fortunately for our virgin, she backed out at the last second, remained unspoiled, and stayed on true trail. FMB, however, went to the right of the fence and was not seen again until 15 minutes after the pack arrived at the on-in.

We then approached a strip mall and I completely lost track of flour, finding none of it for at least half a mile. Fortunately Steamer and little Lucy were about 50 yards in front of me, providing a target to follow.

We passed through an office center. This led us to another park with ball fields.

At this point I was shocked to see our FRBs. I figured they were at least a mile in front, but they apparently got nailed by some killer checks that the rest of the pack never even saw.

At the check, a BT was marked up hill. The pack bunched up trying to exit straight into the neighborhood, only to discover this was also a BT. Bullwinkle and I checked down hill toward the woods, figuring we had to encounter shiggy at some point. Dr. Strangelove discovered a BT. We kept looking for another path while the pack discovered the initial BT was actually true trail.

True trail eventually brought the pack into a series of parks and softball games. In one park alone we managed to disrupt two games at once.

The pack then began following a creek, passing a ``Hairy Budda'' spot, which for those who missed the scribes' run is a narrow spot on a dirt path that is prone to dumping Hairy Buddas into the water.

No one got wet, at least not yet. But about 30 seconds later the pack was is the water. Some ballerinas tried to stay dry by walking along the concrete, sloped edge of the creek. However, even they got wet.

Bullwinkle and I just went in and stayed in. At one point, we saw dozens of hashers exit the creek, cross and road and re-enter the creek about 25 feet downstream. Not sure why they were passing up hip-deep water, we trudged forward.

Eventually trail headed into some woods, across a side street, and to a park where we celebrated the on-in with another softball game going on in the background.

This trail had scores of redeeming qualities, not the least of which was a plethora of port-a-potties and public bathrooms. This is McLean after all so we would expect no less. For those who are bladder challenged, opportunities to unload abounded. The exception was Roto Router, who repeated whined about having to tinkle yet kept passing all the heads.

The walkers encountered their own challenges, according to a well-placed, deep-throated source.

The walkers circled up with the rest of the wankers for 'Ather Abraham. Very quickly they fell in line and walked off into the woods with the pack. As the pack took off running, the walkers proceeded to walk. Which turned out to be the right thing to do since all the wankers followed a BT up a street. This allowed the walkers to be FWB's very early in the game. About this time Hot Legs made a comment that we should have a "black box recovery run". Where upon comments to the secrets of the BB were abundant.

Up the street with the pack following, the walkers strode. While the pack took off, the walkers took a short cut lead by none other than Black Box. So after yelling to For Sale or Rent that on left was imminent, off left we went. The walkers were scattered but regrouped at the H2O check. Since it was a park, this prompted a number of harriettes to hit the head, head, who said head?...

Into the woods and the land of checks we strode. At the sight of all the checks one harriette asked why all the checks so close. BB responded that this was BBT's thing. At which point, a "Well, he needs to get a life!" was uttered. It was decided that the hares directions of "just go straight" and everyone else's idea of straight were different, back to checking the checks. Where is Bad Dog when we need

him? Lick It Off, Baby found true trail and on-on was heard.

This lead was cut short when the pack was heard in the near distance. Into the woods and the creek they ran, with Squidley splashing everyone within 25 feet. What size shoes does he wear? And is true what they say about shoe sizes and, oh never mind.

With the walkers on true trail, through the neighborhoods we went and to the on-in. It's interesting to see who joins the walkers at the end. This day it was Hawaiian Puke who graced us with his presence.

Wankers were treated to pasta salad, ham & cheese sandwiches and assorted other goodies.

The circle roasted the typical assortment of late sign ins, violators, virgins and returners. Unfortunately, most of that information was lost in a freak accident. As such, the scribe will use his right to simply make stuff up. Violators included Burnt Sox for late sign in, Friendly Thighs for locking her keys in her car, No Class for losing her keys in the car, and the hares for having the on-in before the beer near. Also, Spread Sheets and Rutro had to drink for racing -- they just beat Slip Knot in.

The hash shit was supposed to go to Friendly Thighs, but at the last minute it went to Burnt Sox, who had graciously volunteered to help Steamer run the circle after Byte bailed early. No one is entirely clear why Burnt Sox received the dubious distinction, but since when did the hash need an excuse to do anything.

Whistle violators included Perk-a-Set, Late Comer, Bad Dog, Squiddly Diddly, and Keyless Entry. We had virgins Manuela, Randy and visitor You Gotta Be Shit'in Me. For those left out due to the unfortunate accident, sincere apologies and we'll nail you next time.

That's all I wrote. On-on.

Start is in NW, a few blocks from White House, in center of Franklin Square, which is bound by 13^th, 14^th, I, and K streets. Parking is two-hour meters. Highly recommended take Metro to McPherson Square, exiting toward 14^th street and follow arrows to start. WARNING: This run is NOT dog friendly.

Scribes take no responsibility for accuracy of this publication.

Hash Hotline: 202-PUDJAMO, #6 for directions that are updated by Thursday. Or visit the web site at http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3

Run 527/Sept. 13....... Steamer, Sweet Cheeks, Little Guinea

Run 528/ Sept. 20……. Missing Link, Slick Slit

Run 529/ Sept. 27……. Red Dress Run!!!!

Run 530/Oct. 4....... Killer Bees

Run 531/ Oct. 11……. OKTOBERFEST; Dr Strangelove, Wide Open

Run 532/Oct. 18....... Cunning Runt, Dr. Jekyl

Run 533/Oct. 25....... Halloween Run: Blank Check

Run 534/Nov. 1…….. Put It Out

Joint Masters:

Mark `Steamer’ Stoffel: 703-516-2176 steamer@patriot.net

Calvin `Byte Lightening’ Brown: 703-590-6794 byteru@aol.com

Stan `Wide Open’ Jozwiak: 703-239-0615

Karen `Scoop’ Reid: 703-836-3839 Scoopwwc@AOL.com

Jaret `Yes Dear’ Seiberg:

301-890-1348 seiberg@tfn.com

Jim `Full Metal Balls’ Fenton: 703-339-5528

Eric `French Toasted’ Geyer: 703-425-0769

Dave `Wankers Aweigh’ Bertagnoli: 703-685-0338

Nancy `Pit Stop’ Geyer 703-719-0157

Tia `Dual Airbags’ Perry: 703-878-7030

Mismanagement reminds the pack that the Virginia Interhash is set for Sept. 5 to 7. It will be hosted by the D.C. area hashes in Richardsville, Va. How much is this gonna set me back?:

Before September 1st - $79 •After September 1st - $99 •Tubing?!?! Add $10 more. (limited to first 120 wankers) •Bring: Tent, sleeping bag, flashlight, insect repellent, sunscreen, snacks for munching on between dinners, condoms, PI protection. RVs are allowed on the campsite but there are no hookups.

•DON'T bring: PETS, your mother, an attitude. Children are allowed but use discretion, after all, seeing P*ssy Whipped nekkid might scar them for life.

Call pudjam0 for directions and details, or go to their web page. A link is helpfully found on the Mt. Vernon site. MVH3 web address is given above. Warning: No pets allowed.