Tysons Corner, Va. – Panic set in on June 7 when the front running bastards abandoned the pack, forcing the wankers to find true trail on their own.

The plan by the FRBs, however, fell apart because they forget to inform Cunning Runt of their devious scheme. This meant the pack had at least one person who knew what to do when we got to a check without any markings.

This dastardly deed by those annoyingly fast people occurred near the start of Mount Vernon Hash House Harriers run number 513, which, if you bothered to read the dateline, took place in Tysons Corner, Va.

This hash began at a parking lot next to modern office building by the Tysons II mall – that’s the one that has all them expensive stores.

After a rather lack-luster Farther Abraham – clearly there were too many hung over hashers – the pack declared Byte to be a ho and then headed off in the direction of a major cat fight. These beasts out did Wrestle Mania XXIV. The plants were flying, the menacing meows were loud, and then one pussy went running off toward the street.

The Hash hounds, including Beezer, (Big) Lucy, and Bullwinkle, were surprisingly uninterested in the feline fight.

The same is not true of the pack, which of course was in hot pursuit. Fortunately, the cat was on trail.

This is where things become complicated. The FRBs – including Byte and Dr. Jeckyl – continued down the street, perhaps in pursuit of the losing pussy cat. Crack Man, however, noticed a very large hare’s arrow pointing into the woods. The pack, believing it had finally outsmarted the FRBs, eagerly entered the forest. After a series of dirt trails we came to the first check and nobody could remember what to do. As a group of us were milling about, Cunning Runt approach and glared at us for being lazy SOBs and proceeded to run down two trails, neither of which had any hash. (Maybe we weren’t so dumb afterall.)

French Toasted, however, managed to find true trail leading back into the woods. Our bliss of being on true trail came to a quick end. The pack missed the hare’s arrow leading back out to the street.

After reversing course, a sizable pack was headed down the street on true trail. After looping along some paths and around a few buildings the pack hit an apartment complex and a check. This one again stumped everyone. In fact, I’m not sure anyone actually found the intended route. Instead, we trudged up a hill, turned left, and eventually saw flour again.

This led us quickly to a beer stop, manned by Hot Legs and Continental Drip. Now I may be old-fashioned, but I though the pack was supposed to stop at a beer stop. After all, isn’t ``stop’’ part of ``beer stop?’’ However, few bothered to slow down, let alone partake in the fine vintage of Molson that was being offered.

The pack had begun to spread out by the time we hit the Macy’s parking lot. We got stumped here, too. I was a bit late to Macy’s, having enjoyed some of that fine beer at the beer stop. Perhaps aided by the beer, it dawned on me that we were on the second level of a garage and there were only two stairways down. Bullwinkle and I went down the first set and started heading to the street exit. Halfway there, we saw the pack leaders head down the other flight and find flour by the street exit.

True trail headed down through some pricker bushes. Led now by Blank Check, the pack decided to forgo the nice paved path and bushwhacked through the thorns.

We eventually found the paved trail and the flour, which we followed in past a police car, across a field, and to a volleyball court where Hard Drive was waiting with beer, ham sandwiches, and plenty of junk food.

After mass consumption, the hash celebrated the anniversaries of Cheap Slut 375, Byte Lightening 225, S’not 85, Hollow Point 85, Hairy Buddha 35, Big Bird Turd 25, Penis 15, and Three Times a Lady 15.

Frankly I don’t remember that many people getting up to drink. But this data comes directly from religious adviser Wide Open, so they must be right.

We had one virgin, John Dumont, and one visitor, Marty Koplan. Five hashers decided to rejoin us: Nancy Sheck, Trevor Wilk, Tidy Bowl, Patricia McMillan, and Night Crawler. We also sang happy birthday to Tidy Bowl.

Late sign in was the most popular violation, with Slick Slit, Generator, Late Comer, Milk Money, Lick if Off Baby, Wankers Aweigh, and Hot Legs getting snared. (Most of them had raced that morning, making them double sinners.)

The namings were almost too easy. Betsy McBride has a nasty habit of locking her keys in her car (or out of the car depending upon the version of the story you heard.)

We named her Keyless Entry. Nancy Sheck, wife of Hairball, was named Laxton, which is the drug doctors give cats so they can swallow hair balls. (Note: if there is a doctor in the house, please inform the scribe as to how to spell Laxton)

Scoop, Lick it Off Baby, Snot and others whose names I forgot to record drank during Swing Low for not having whistles. The Mark Wagners also drank periodically because when one Mark Wagner drinks, all Mark Wagners drink.

That’s all I wrote. On-on.

First, take metro to Rosslyn and walk to the memorial. Parking is very limited at the memorial and cars will be ticketed if left too long.

Second: if you are driving from the west, take I-66 east to exit 73 (Lee Highway). From Rt. 29 (Lee Hway) in Rosslyn, turn right onto Fort Myer drive. Go about ½ mile and you will see Iowa Jima memorial on right. Either park along the street or turn left at stop sign past memorial and then take your first left into the memorial.

Third, from the south, take I-395 north to exit 9a (66W, 110 North). Go pass Pentagon and Arlington Nat. Cemetery. Before Rosslyn, turn left toward Ft. Myer and then right into memorial parking lot.

Scribes take no responsibility for accuracy of this publication.

Hash Hotline: 202-PUDJAMO, #6 for directions that are updated by Thursday. Or visit the web site at http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3

Run 515/June 21....... Combat Beer Patrol: Steamer, Wide Open

Run 516/June 28....... French Toasted, Continental Drip

Run 517/July 5....... Open

Run 518/July 12....... Bastille Day Run: Stained Sheets, Roto Router

Run 519/July 19....... Open

Run 520/July 26....... Scribes’ Run: Yes Dear, Scoop

Joint Masters:

Mark `Steamer’ Stoffel: 703-516-2176 steamer@patriot.net

Calvin `Byte Lightening’ Brown: 703-590-6794 byteru@aol.com

Stan `Wide Open’ Jozwiak: 703-239-0615

Karen `Scoop’ Reid: 703-836-3839 Scoopwwc@AOL.com

Jaret `Yes Dear’ Seiberg:

301-890-1348 seiberg@tfn.com

Jim `Full Metal Balls’ Fenton: 703-339-5528

Eric `French Toasted’ Geyer: 703-425-0769

Dave `Wankers Aweigh’ Bertagnoli: 703-685-0338

Nancy `Pit Stop’ Geyer 703-719-0157

Tia `Dual Airbags’ Perry: 703-878-7030

BAH3’s weekly run is Sunday at 3 p.m. at Fort Meade in Maryland. To get to the run, take I-95 north from D.C. toward Baltimore. Go east on Route 32 toward Odenton. Turn left at Mapes Road. (about 4^th stop light) Enter Fort Meade. Go one block and turn right onto O’Brien. Go three blocks and turn into parking lot at end of road.

Also, Yes Dear, your very own scribe, is haring the July 2 Maryland Dirt Road hash. Directions will be forthcoming or e-mail me for more info.

The next MVH6 happy hour is June 25 at Fast Eddie'’ in Fairfax Circle, Va. Contact Roto for details.

White House runs Monday, June 16 at 6:30 p.m.

Start: P Street Beach, N.W. D.C. located at 23rd Street between `O' and `P' Streets The actual trail will not be dog or stroller friendly.

No dogs allowed at The Front Page.

On-On-On: The Front Page, 1333 New Hampshire Ave, DuPont Circle NW D.C.

The year was 1779. Great Britain was at the peak of its power and looking for new worlds to conquer. Hashing was in its infancy when King George II ordered Captain James Cook to "Explore the South Pacific, and locate a productive Hash Route". King George (this was his nerd name, his actual Hash name was "Sticky Panties")needed this information in order to Hare a Prussian/Crimerian Hash later that year.

Captain Cook (Hash Handle: Peg Leg) headed South and found himself enchanted by the native Tahitians, Samoans and Hawaiian. He was especially enamored of the native women and their massive bodies, most weighing in over 300 lb. After sea hashing through several South Pacific islands he headed for a Down-Down in Hawaii.

It was during a raucous celebration that Captain Cook began lusting after a portly Hawaiian woman named Kamanaiwannaetu

(Hash Name: Big Bertha Butz).

Because of a perceived slight

toward Kamaniwannaetu a violent struggle broke out between the good Captain and her husband.

Cook was killed by a single blow to the head with a rock. Traditional Hawaiian custom, of the times, was to consume anyone killed in battle.

This served two purposes. One, it kept the women large and two, it reduced the number of cemetery spaces required in the islands, thereby allowing for more Japanese Hotels and Golf courses to be built in later years. When Statehood was granted in 1959, the new State of Hawaii developed several unique state holidays. La Kamehameha (Kamehameha Day), in honor of the Hawaiian Chief who united the Hawaiian Islands and La Ai Ka

Make Haole mai Britannia (The Day We Ate the White Guy from Britain).