Hares: The Asian Hares - Slick Slit, Poop Deck, Kimo (AWOL) &
Corkscrew'd
Location: Fairfax, VA
There was no sun last Saturday, but it felt almost balmy it was so not
freezing-ass cold. On my way to the start I spied Finger Pickin'
Good hustling along the street; I stopped and offered him a ride so he
could save his energy for the trail. Twenty feet later we pulled
into the parking lot for the start. There were only a handful of
hashers there, including virgins Dean and Deannie and their two affectionate
dogs.
Forget what the groundhog had to say, we saw a definite sign if spring:
Hot Legs, who has been wearing her pajamas under her hashing gear for weeks,
was wearing just the PJ top. Unless she simply forgot it, but we
don’t want to go there again.
The pack had grown to about fifty when Well-Drilled skidded to a stop
just beyond the entrance to the parking lot, then eased across the grass
and ran over Mellow Foreskin Cheese. Oops! My mistake - that
was someone else, four years ago, and in Ballston. WD still managed
to blame Womb Broom. Oops! My bad again, that's Rocky's job.
The hares had their bags of flour out in the parking lot, ready to
snag them and run at 10:00. In with the cheap grocery store double-bags
loaded with flour was a dainty canvas bag with colorful kittens printed
upon it, way outclassing the grocery boys. One can only assume that
that flour was used on the pussy trail.
After an inspirational Father Abe, the pack wandered out of the parking
lot in the direction the hares had taken. Just Gillian was harnessed
to her big sled dogs; one loud “Mush!” and they ran, dragging her along
behind them.
Where the runners took a ralphie, the walkers took a louie, following
scout master Stained Sheetz. As we neared our first intersection,
latecomers Full Metal Balls and Nickelodeon drove up and checked for directions
for the runners. They were instructed to follow the body marks that
Just Gillian was surely leaving as her dogs drug her away. Assuming,
of course, that her dogs could follow flour. They were probably on
the pussy trail.
Back to the walkers’ trial, Flying Burrito stepped into the intersection,
blew his whistle, held up his hand for the approaching dump truck to stop,
then deftly leaped out of its way when it accelerated. When the truck
passed and we had stopped laughing, Leave It In Beaver and Whore Moans
crossed the street and helped FB out of the ditch.
As we walked along, Battery Operated Buddy’s cell phone kept ringing
– I guess business is good this winter. She said it was her “brother”
who kept calling, but that was never verified, I think she was on the line
with Big Sweaty Pussy.
In short order, we solved the trail and reached the end – Corkscrew’d’s
home. That Stained Sheetz is a talented leader! We finished
so soon that many of us opted to return to the start and fetch our cars.
Once again we relied on SS to lead us. Somehow, the walk finish-start
trail seemed considerably longer that the start-finish trail, but we lemmings
followed along loyally. We even stuck with him when the policeman
pulled alongside in an unmarked patrol car, and inquired as to our relationship
with and content of the white powder that was sprinkled throughout the
neighborhood. SS assured him that it was benign powder, that we were
playing a benign game, and that anything other than flour would be “harmful
to animals and children”, demonstrating once again that a hasher will kiss
any ass that stands between him and his beer.
[In an ongoing effort to deflect official attention from our Saturday
morning activities, when I am a hare I will mark trail with a concoction
that is non-white and edible, TBD.]
Once back at the parking lot, Acceptable Lost and Just Patrick stumbled
in the same pothole in their haste to reach the edge of the woods for lengthy
environmentals.
We returned to Corkscrew’d’s place where most of the runners had finished
trail and were busy scarfing up hot soup, ham, and rice. I went straight
for the keg. There was plenty of everything, even for DFL virgins
Dean and Deannie and their two affectionate dogs.
Circle
Hares Poop Deck, Corkscrew'd, Slick Slit
Virgins Dean & Deannie (spouses), and Stephanie (spouse)
Visitors Showing up the usual local visitors from White House and the
PediaHash (whom we still love dearly) was a truly international crew: Decibels
- Minsk, Knock Knock Knockers - YKH3, Moussaka - YKH3, Limp Dart - YKH3,
and Ain't Seen a Bush - YKH3.
Backsliders Acceptable Loss, Brain Dead
Analversaries Puppy Pimp - 15; Loan Shark - 55; Pinkie Penis
- 155*; See Dick Run - 165; For Sale Or Rent - 169; Captain Titanic
- 265; Hollow Point - 285; Slick Slit - 295; and the leader of the get-a-life
club: Wankers Aweigh - 400.
*Since Pinky Penis didn't stick around for his down-down, Dick Head
and SputDick drank for him.
Namings 1. Just Julie, a one-time virgin of GBOFs. (Remember?
GBOF had been a hare for her first hash, so Put It Out / Suck My Dick "took
care of her".) There were only two stories about Julie - she's a
masseuse, and she has squirrels in her attic. Really. That
led to two names - 2 Hand Job, and Nut House, with 2 Hand Job being the
winner.
2. Gillian/Jillian, whatever, it doesn't matter because she won't need
that name any more. And How's Her Bush met her after witnessing her
perform a spectacular face plant from her bicycle, and that's how she came
to hashing. Based on that story and the presence of her two huge
snow dogs, name ideas were Road Rash, Kiss My Ass-phault, Ooooohoooooh
(ask Burrito), Eats Ass-phault, Nanuky of the North, No Nooky of the North,
I Did My Dog, and the winner (thanks to Pulls Out Early) Boo Boo.
This led to a hearty rendition of “Yogi”, and probably always will.
Violations Tiny Bushes stood in for Well-Drilled and her power slide
into the parking lot; Puppy Pimp - still signed up as WH4 hasher; FMB and
Nickelodeon - really late; Only 2? - birthday; Coppertone - cell phone
during circle; Mmmmm! - strip-tease on trail; Stained Sheetz - neighborhood
relations; $2Head - sucking up to byte (that's Dr. Jekyl's job); Rocky
Whore - no hash attire;
Sex On Trail & Sticky Fingers - sex on trail; Ain't Seen A Bush
- long lost brother of Stained Sheetz; Limp Dart - bringing presents for
the RA and the JM, and nothing for the scribe**; Big Sweaty Pussy - letting
Rocky unload the hashit on him.
**He has since righted his oversight.
Hashit. Big Sweaty Pussy stood in for Rocky and drank out of the hashit,
squeezing the sides to form a spout so he wouldn't spill any, like drinking
out of a plunger is an everyday occurrence in his life. For being
such a nice guy and helping Rocky, he was allowed to take it home so he
could drink from it for the whole week.
Announcements:
MVH3 AGM May 2–4, Harper’s Ferry, WVa. MVH3 has reserved
30 rooms in this deluxe hotel for your accommodations. Check the
web site for instructions on claiming a room, reservations are being made
through Rocky.
FMH3 - The next Full mOOn will be Saturday, February 22, 3rd
Annual Beer Hunter's Ball, McLean VFW Post 8241, 1051 Spring Hill Rd, McLean,
VA.
For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes,
visit http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3 OR call the DC-area hotline -
(202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.
Hareline:
Hash 820 – February 22nd – Cheap Slut, Loan Shark, Pudknocker
Hash 821 – March 1st – Samedi Gras – Latecomer & crew
Hash 822 – March 8th – Dual Air Bags, Byte Lightening, Cunning Runt,
Dr. Jekyl
Hash 823 – March 15th – Full Metal Balls & friends
Hash 824 – March 22nd – Byte Me Elmo, Indecent Proposal, Drops A Load
Hash 825 – March 29th – Quick Drawers & Organ Icer
Next Hash #819
10:00 AM – February 15, 2003
Cost: $5
Hares: 14K, Running Bare, Whine & Cheez
Start: Back of the Fredericksburg YMCA located on 212 Butler Rd, Falmouth,
VA 22405-2441
Theme: My Balls are Blue and my Hair is Gray Trail
Directions:
Yep, DownDown in Redneck's burg near Daddy's house!
From I95 - go South to Exit 133! Yep, that's 37 miles from the mixing
bowl.
Exit 133 East towards FoulMouth (2nd exit). Proceed East and stay in
Left lane. Cross over US RT 1 (pass Mercedes Dealership) Route 17 turns
into 218.
Go about 1.5 miles and the YMCA will be on the right. Go into parking
lot, and at the Indoor tennis court, go left towards softball fields. There
will be multiple potholes on this road. Go to the end of the road and look
for wankers on the left in the back, park and hash.
Dog Friendly Factor: Unknown
Stroller Friendly Factor: Unknown
Miscellaneous: Yeah, Yeah, it's the Valemtimes Day weekend, but the
reason we're going down this far south is the 23rd Anal Blue-Gray Fest
sponsored by the Beer Can Collector's Ass'n. This is an anal event held
at the Massaponax Ramada in at exit 126. It is a 5 day event in which every
room in the Hotel is a showcase. The key highlight is that every state
that is represented brings two kegs of local microbrew. There is a sort
of hashpotality suite in which you get all the beer you can drink for $7.
As usual, bring dry clothes/shoes.
Mismanagement:
Joint Masters – Well-Drilled, Rocky Whore
Religious Advisor – C.R.A.F.T.Y., Boy Toy, and Big Bird Turd
Scribe/Subscribe – Latecomer & Wankers Aweigh
On-Sec – Only 2?
Hash Cash – Hands Solo
Hare Raiser – Womb Broom
Haberdasher/co-haberdasher – Fire & Ice and Tore Ass
Den Mother – Wanks With Wolves