If the hare ain’t live, it ain’t Mt. Vernon.
______________________________
Run: # 810
Date: December 14, 2002
Keep the Franchise Hash
Hares: Put It Out, WoWo, Scratch ‘N Sniff
Location: Mount Vernon School
Today’s Trash is brought to you by the letter “L”.
Whenever I see that Put It Out is a hare, I feel the need to tighten
my hands around something long and hard – a flashlight. As it turns
out, a flashlight was not needed, but my fellow hashers were sucking up
to me just in case.
I seriously overslept last Saturday, and only the knowledge that Rocky
Whore felt at least as bad as I gave me the confidence that the pack would
be released a little late and I could catch them; I wasn’t disappointed.
To begin with, the trail wound around the perimeter of a playground
and back to the start. As we passed our cars again, $2 Head, Loan
Shark, and Cheap Slut had arrived and basically shortcut by just standing
and watching. Once we reached the street, the runners turned right
into a storage area, and the walkers fell in behind map-bearing Hands Solo.
We were graced with the presence of Large Member of Pittsburgh, who
was stranded by the storm that dropped ½ inch of ice Wednesday morning,
melted hours later, and he’s still here. Being a solo visiting hasher
provides grand opportunity to select a grand name and claim it for posterity.
What do you want to bet his hash name is really something along the lines
of Teenie Weenie Penie?
One of the benefits of keeping pace with Loan Shark is the stimulating
conversation. He always poses a unique and very involved question
that yields much debate, even before drinking. Last week’s question
was “If Big Bird Turd was the last man on Earth, would you do him?”
Battery Operated Buddy offered a reasonable response – yes, she’d do him,
if her choices were BBT or lesbianism. I can hardly wait for our
next topic!
Somewhere in the first trailer park the walker & runner trails
converged. Utter Ho and Wankers Aweigh both sported fresh skid marks,
a clear indication of failure to run at least a section of trail.
Both declined to join the BBT/lesbianism debate.
Penalty Stroke and Mud Buns cruised along, first running to the right,
then left, as trail confusion reigned supreme. (This is where Hands
Solo and his map gained popularity.)
Once shed of the runners we continued to another trailer park (or was
it an extension of the original; does it even matter?) where the walker
pack deviated from the trail in an effort to keep their feet dry, despite
the fact that it was raining already.
As the walkers strayed further from the mapped trail, my desperation
for beer increased dramatically, until I was on the verge of panic.
Besides, the thought of promised Krispy Kreme donuts, fresh from the deep
fryer, sugary grease sliding down my arms to my elbows, Ernie licking my
arms clean, warm moist tongue – where was I going with this story?
Back in the trailer park, red flour led to the bank of a river.
On the far side of said river I could make out Boy Toy and other runners
huddled under the power lines checking trail, then lost sight again as
I took the plunge. The Mount Vernon area is about 80 feet below sea
level to begin with; add a steady for the previous 24 hours, and the melt-off
from the ice storm, and the melt-off from the snow storm, and you’re looking
at a decent swim. I mean the water was high, and a tad on the chilly
side.
Once across the creek I made for the power lines and immediately ran
the wrong direction. After several minutes of lonely running without
flour, I fished my cell phone out of my pocket and called Big Sweaty Pussy
for information (it’s not a violation when I do it), and set my compass
for the radio tower far behind me. Mucho running later I located
a Cork Screwed pack mark, then another CS pack mark, then a big red BN.
The pack was on an island in the middle of a marsh warming by a fire, eating
hot soup, and drinking hot cider. The only walker with dry feet was
Shamus, who had been carried across the river by Nurse Crotchet.
There was still plenty of hot food when Slip Knot and Fire and Ice finished.
PIO usually has Schlitz or some other beer that tastes like cat whiz,
but on such a cold day it really doesn’t matter, I was ready to settle.
Happily, I didn’t have to settle – Scratch ‘N Sniff was in charge of beer
selection, and it was magnificent! It even made up for the absence
of fresh donuts and Yoohoo.
Circle
Hares Put It Out, WoWo, and Scratch ‘N Sniff
Virgins None, so DAB stood in.
Visitors Large Member – Pittsburgh H3
Backsliders Twatsssuuuuuuuuuuuuupp, Duck Job
Analversaries Just Valerie – 5; Loan Shark – 5; Boy Toy – 55; And How’s
Her Bush – 55; Rocky Whore – 85; Put It Out – 150; Mellow Foreskin Cheese
– 165; Tore Ass – 245; Dr. Strangelove – 415.
Violations Put It Out – not bringing a change of clothes to his own
hash; All Lickie No Dickie – underdressed; Big Bird Turd – fashion statement;
Utter Ho – big woody; Slip Knot – ditching MVH3 for several weeks in pursuit
of finer things; Nurse Crotchet - birthday.
After a lengthy absence, the hashit came home to Mount Vernon, and
there was no shortage of nominations for its next home. Potentials
included: Utter Ho for having the biggest woody (is that really a violation?),
Tore Ass for crowd control, For Sale Or Rent for living like a homeless
person and wearing all her clothes at the circle, and Put It Out/Suck My
Dick for holding out on the donuts. After a runoff between PIO/SMD
& FSOR, FSOR received the hashit because it just looked right on her.
The on-on-on was by the fire, with plenty of microbrew to go around.
Bavarian Bush, 14K, Tiny Bushes, Wanks With Wolves, Boy Toy, FSOR, DAB,
Good To The Last Cock, and a few others were still holding court when made
for my traditional post-hash nap.
Next Hash
10:00 AM - December 28th, 2002
Cost: $5
Hares: Dual Airbags, Full Metal Balls, Microsoft, Tiny Bushes
& Womb Broom
Start: Old Hechingers building on Minnieville Road in Woodbridge, VA
Theme: White Trash Hash
Directions:
I 95 south to Exit 158B (Prince William Parkway exit) (this will be
about mile after the Occoquan Bridge). Take PWC Parkway towards Manassas.
Go about 2 miles (you will pass BJ's Whole Sale Club on the right) and
make a right onto Minnieville Road. Go up to the next light and make a
right into the parking lot of the defunct Hechingers building. Park and
Hash.
Dog and stroller friendly.
Hareline:
Hash 813 - January 4th - Wankers Aweigh & Hot Legs
Hash 814 - January 11th - Rocky Whore & ATT crew
Hash 815 - January 18th - U Like Cock & crew
Hash 816 - January 25th - Dr Stangelove & crew
Hash 817 - February 1st - Corkscrewed & crew
Hash 818 - February 8th - Poopdeck, Byte Lightning & Almost Toast
…
Hash 821 – March 1st – Samedi Gras – Latecomer & crew
Announcements:
WH4 holiday party: register for the Holiday Party; it's cumming
2/1! Register early for the low price of $25, price goes up Jan 12th.
http://www.dchashing.org/wh4/WH4_Xmas_Rego_2003.pdf
Start the New Year with Mad Dog’s annual Hangover Helper, hash
starts at 1:00 in Middle River, MD. Discover the true meaning of
“shiggy”! There’s more information at http://www.bah3.org/main/hangover.html
Full mOOn – last night’s Full mOOn was a real whiz-bang!
Don’t miss the next one Jan. 25th.
For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes,
visit http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3
OR call the DC-area hotline - (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for
MVH3.
Mismanagement:
Joint Masters – Well-Drilled, Rocky Whore
Religious Advisor – C.R.A.F.T.Y., Boy Toy, and Big Bird Turd
Scribe/Subscribe – Latecomer & Wankers Aweigh
On-Sec – Only 2?
Hash Cash – Hands Solo
Hare Raiser – Womb Broom
Haberdasher/co-haberdasher – Fire & Ice and Tore Ass