Hares: Well Drilled, Wankers Aweigh, Womb Broom, Rocky Whore,
Tore Ass, Fire & Ice, Wanks With Wolves, Only 2?, Big Bird Turd, Boy
Toy, Crafty
Location: Arlington, VA
Judging from the massive pile of gifts at the annual White Elephant
hash, you’ve all been nice! I know I have been – I got a life-size
cardboard cutout of Usher. I’m not sure who he is, but you will be
seeing him at hash events for months to come.
Dingy snow and sub-freezing temperatures were the call for the trail.
After several disappointing winters we finally had some of the other white
stuff in the form of shiggy. At 10:00 sharp, Santa’s little elfin
hares pranced off to do their magic. One hare started trail without
flour or chalk, usually a violation, but since it was Wankers Aweigh we
thought it best not to point out the omission.
Back at the start, in the American Legion hall in Arlington, the fire
was roaring, the kegs had been tapped, and there was little incentive to
leave the camp. That is, until Byte fussed and bitched and threatened
to be very naughty, so we circled, Father Abe’d, and slid away.
The walkers stuck to their White Elephant tradition by routing out
the nearest Cappuccino bar and warming up while watching for the runners
to return. Ughukh led the pack with half-cap decaf, Screws Everybody
kept the crew together with caramel latte, and Do Me Next Week swept with
a tall cocoa espresso. Standard Deviant deviated with an iced mocha,
decaf all the way.
Back at the Hall, Santa’s remaining elves busied themselves with cleaning
up the spot where Ernie had “watered” the Christmas tree, and determining
where to fit Loan Shark into the gift selection list. Tore Ass and Fire
& Ice had done a brisk business at the haberdasher table where, in
addition to an awesome “giveaway”, they sold their entire stock of gloves,
and not just to BBT. But before you could say “Byte’s a ho”, two
of the hares returned, which gave a quorum.
Answers to last week’s Anatomy quiz:
1 – Wankers Aweigh; 2 – Ass Ogre; 3 – Latecummer; 4 – Rocky Whore two
friends; 5 – Hopps; 6 – Cyclops; 7 - $2 Head; 8 – Big Sweaty Pussy; 9 –
Perk-A-Set; 10 – Hollow Point; 11 – Boy Toy; 12 – Domino; 13 – Roto Router;
14 – Bavarian Bush; 15 – Almost Toast; 16 – Comes In 3 Courts; 17 – Flying
Burrito.
Competition was fierce as guests sprinted around the party room holding
photos of body parts next to possible subjects and fought to the front
of the pack. French Toasted and Dangerously Close fought for FRB,
the lead changing hands with each submission of answers. In the end
FT held on as FRB and won the contest, DC a close second. Bavarian
Bush took “honorable mention” by getting 16 of the 17 correct in her one
and only submission. Thanks to guest scribe Rocky for producing and
judging the contest, and for taking clandestine photos throughout the year.
Circle
Hares Only five of the hares drank (we were concerned about the required
volume of beer for an RA down-down).
Visitors C-Lingus – BH3 (UK); Just Jeff – FMH3; Just Jeff – Boston
H3; Roy Acuff – BAH3.
Backsliders Free Refills, Jointed Staff, Jiggles-Lo, T ‘N Eh, Rosebutt,
Watergate, Blows My Mind, Oil Of Nolay, Fussy Bitch, Diaper.
Analversaries Ground Chuck – 15; Dippy – 25; Holiday Ho – 45; $2 Head
– 50; Only 2? – 85; Womb Broom – 95; Do Me Next Week – 105; B’Cuz He Can
– 175; Hawaiian Puke – 200; Slip Knot – 265; Cunning Runt – 405; Hard Drive
– 455; Blank Check – 495.
There were no namings, no virgins, no violations (no one’s been naughty?),
and no hashit – let the gifts begin!
Virgins and first-time visitors led the scramble for gifts, and the
only passive round of gift selection. By the time 2nd time hashers
were called, the dirt started. On the upside, I don’t think C-Lingus
from the UK minded when the chuck wagon lamp was taken from him, it probably
wouldn’t have gotten through security anyway.
Wanks With Wolves and Dual Air Bags created public safety concerns
by removing their shirts on stage; Put It Out mopped the floor with his
enormous bedroom booties; Great Balls of Fire selecting his own gift; Latin
Anal-ist delighted the crowd modeling her new red elephant g-string, and,
of course, Well-Drilled warmed us to our toes by spiking the hot apple
cider.
It was delightful to visit with our old friends the foot vase, velvet
Elvis, the “Max Headroom” and “You Go Girl” t-shirts, the wagon clock and
the Oreo cookie jar. Mellow Foreskin Cheese adopted a new roommate
– Sally – who was promptly inflated and given an assignment at the head
of the table. Newcomer Tom Turkey went home with Dr. Strangelove,
who promised we would see it again.
Receding Hareline:
Hash 811 - December 21st - See Dick Run, Hollow Point & Byte
Lightning
Hash 812 - December 28th - Dual Air Bags, Microsoft, Tiny Bushes &
Womb Broom
Hash 813 - January 4th - Wankers Aweigh & Hot Legs
Hash 814 - January 11th - Rocky Whore & ATT crew
Hash 815 - January 18th - U Like Cock & crew
Hash 816 - January 25th - Dr Stangelove & crew
Hash 817 - February 1st - Corkscrewed & crew
Hash 818 - February 8th - Poopdeck, Byte Lightning & Almost Toast
…
Hash 821 – March 1st – Samedi Gras – Latecomer & crew
Announcements:
Full mOOn Dec. 20th Start: Metro station, Clarendon, Virginia.
$5. Sign in Starts at 6:00 pm, Trail at 6:30 (Santa cums but once a year,
so don't be late)
Directions: Take the Metro! You could take a 1-horse open sleigh, but
who wants to do that to their shoes?!? Metro Orange line: Clarendon station,
SW corner Wilson Blvd. & N. Highland St.
Driving: Route 50 to Clarendon (10th street exit), right on Washington
Blvd., then right on Clarendon Blvd. Park and look for wankers. And
don't forget your FLASHLIGHT!!! On-On-On: Whitey's, 2761 Washington Blvd.,
Arlington, VA. (703.525.9825), corner of Washington Blvd. and Pershing
Dr. (about a half mile away from the metro).
For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit
http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3
Technologically challenged? Can’t find the internet for directions?
Then call the DC-area hotline - (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for
MVH3.
Mismanagement:
Joint Masters – Well-Drilled, Rocky Whore
Religious Advisor – C.R.A.F.T.Y., Boy Toy, and Big Bird Turd
Scribe/Subscribe – Latecomer & Wankers Aweigh
On-Sec – Only 2?
Hash Cash – Hands Solo
Hare Raiser – Womb Broom
Haberdasher/co-haberdasher – Fire & Ice and Tore
Next Hash
10:00 AM - December 21st, 2002
10:00 AM - December 21st, 2002
Hares: Hollow Point, See Dick Run, and Byte Lightning
Theme (if any):The Best Hash of 2002
Start: Metro Park and Ride lot, Rte. 29, Centreville, VA
Directions:
Directions:
Metro: Well, I guess you could take the Metro (Orange line) out to
Vienna, get off, and transfer to a bus that goes out to Centreville. But
you would have to get up early, really early, and also figure out the bus
schedules. Better to phone a friend that has a car. That's what friends
are for, anyway.
Driving:
From the East (like DC and MD): Get to I66 West in VA. Go past
the Beltway and on out past Fairfax (and the NRA headquarters on your left)
to Exit 52 (Centreville, Rte. 29). Take Exit 52, and at the
bottom of the exit ramp, at the light, go Right. You are on Rte.
29 South. Go approx. 250 yds. (.2 mi.), and turn Right into the Park
and Ride lot. Look for the wankers milling about.
From the West: (for Roto and anyone else out his way in the Boonies):
Take I66 East, to Exit 52, and then turn left, go under I66 (that's the
road you were just on), and proceed 350 yds. to the Park and Ride lot on
your Right.
From the South: Find the Fairfax County Pkwy (7100) and take
it North. Exit onto I66 West. Go approx. 3 miles to Exit 52,
then take a right on Rte. 29, go 250 yds., Right into the Park and Ride.
From the North: Find the Fairfax County Pkwy (7100) and take it South.
Exit onto I66 West. Go approx. 3 miles to Exit 52, then take a right
on Rte. 29, go 250 yds., Right into the Park and Ride.
Dog Friendly Factor:
Ok. Dogs should know how to swim in cold water. Or at least
dog paddle.
Stroller Friendly Factor:
Not a problem on the walkers trail; not recommended on the runners'
trail.
Miscellaneous:
As usual, bring dry shoes and clothes.