MVH3
If it ain’t live
hare, it ain’t Mount Vernon.
________________________________
Hash:
# 803
Date: October 26, 2002
Hares: Stained Sheetz & Cork Screwed
& Kimo, I Wanna Lei You
Location: Alexandria-ish, VA
Sandwiched in between the Halloweenie Hash Friday
night and the Marine Corps M*rathon Sunday morning was the annual trail where Byte
truly prevails: the We Ate The White Man Hash.
Yes, Byte was safe, there would be plenty of good food, and we
were sure to get lei'ed - can life be any better?
With all the tropical
excitement in the air, even the dogs were excited. Before we could start, they all had to take a dump. It was confirmed that even Ernie, who
stayed home Saturday, had taken the sports section with him to a corner of his
lawn at 10:01 for a few moments of meditation.
We appreciate that none of you brought your ponies (although in the case
of Ivy Licker’s pet, Kamloops, the genus was not immediately
discernable).
A more colorful flock of
hashers had not been seen before, or at least since the last WATWM hash. Only $50 Bitch in her Iron Man vest
and loud pants even closely resembled a real r*nner. Speaking of which, Cunning Runt and Blank Check
must have seen _Trading Places_ recently, ‘cause for once he was dressed in
conservative solid colors and she looked like a poster child for GrrrrAnimals.
Pudnocker and Hops were there. Alone.
Without their women. Has anyone
seen Nurse Crotchet or Perk-A-Set lately? I know I haven’t, and I’m getting a little
worried. I keep looking for their
pictures on milk cartons. (Get your
mind out of the gutter, Cheap Slut!)
After a spirited Father Abe
– led by Hawaiian Puke – walker and runner packs quickly split, and like
bananas, continued to split until there was just a bunch of oddly dressed
individuals running and walking through Fairfax county.
In order to conserver energy
for Sunday’s marathon (can’t hand out beer and Oreos on wobbly legs), I took
the walker’s trail with Well Drilled.
Armed with a strong sense of direction that can only come from years of
solving checks, we went left where French Toasted and Dual Air Bags
went right; we chose not to heed the On-On calls of Screws Everybody and
Mr. Magoo; we were at the end enjoying our first brew when hare Stained
Sheetz panted in, dribbling flour.
Trail Tales – the r*nners
speak.
By the time Put It Out
had rounded up the obedient Maisie, the pack was at the first
check. Milk Money and Lady
Bugger exercised the Dr. Jekyll method of check solving by just
running straight through, despite true trail to the right. Funny how those two finished near the front
of the pack …
The trail wound through a
residential neighborhood where fenced in yards and loud dogs are
mandatory. Every dog escorted all
runners along its own length of fence, where the neighboring dog picked up the
escort; it was almost like a canine wAvE.
Big Lucy, having lightened her burden considerably at the
start, still had Big Bird Turd on a short leash, dragging him through
every puddle and creek she spied, admonishing him to pick up the pace. Apparently Lucy hasn’t given up on
obedience training, even though she’s had BBT for eight years.
By this time there were Poop
Deck trail marks in every direction, giving the appearance that there are
lots of Poop Deck wannabees on this trail, or else multiple Poops. Speaking of multiples, there really are two Cork
Screweds. One of him stayed up all
night last night cooking the white man, then left with the other hares this
morning at 10:00 to set trail. The
other one and his band played for the Halloweenie Hash the last night and will
r*n the m*rathon tomorrow. (That Mrs.
Cork Screwed is a lucky woman – at least that’s what he keeps telling her.)
Next week’s hares Great
Balls Of Fire and Duck Job were overheard planning to drink as much
beer as possible at the end so that the coolers would be light.
Somewhere along the way, Flying
Burrito and Hawaiian Puke crashed a hula troupe’s practice,
which went largely undetected by the troupe.
HP & FB, on the other hand, were thrilled right down
to their coconuts.
Loan Shark chose Spreadsheets to be on the receiving end
of his witty conversation throughout the trail. Her ears were drooping and ready to fold when she and LS
came across hare Stained Sheetz, who, sensing the criticality of the
situation, refused to provide a shortcut.
Beer Near was visible when
one of Cork Screwed’s neighbor’s got her panties in a wad and started
screaming at the passing rainbow of hashers.
Bavarian Bush responded in German (the translation had something
to do with a sphincterotomy) and all was well.
On In.
Circle:
Virgins Tobin (FSOR) and Cyndi, Rocky's
token Virgin O' the Week
Visitors Just Chris, Seaman Stains
(Hong Kong), Snap Crackle Poop (WH4), Cross Dresser
(Guam), Over Easy (Guam), Red-Eye Vagina (Atlanta), and Sniffs
The
Bitches
(Crystal Coast)
Backsliders Yank Me Out, Ivy Licker
Analversaries Lobster Lips - 25, Hops
- 45, Lady Bugger - 65, For Sale Or Rent - 155, B'Cuz He Can
- 169, Late Cummer (me) - 205, and French Toasted - 335.
Violations Bavarian
Bush – neighborhood relations; Spreadsheets – said something funny
on trail, but Loan Shark couldn’t remember what it was; Non-Stick
Dick – lost his tweeter on trail; Only 2? & Hawaiian Puke
– once a year those guys dress fashionably, and this was it; Dr. Groper
– being color coordinated; Turd Bird – inciting a pack pooch; Cross
Dresser – wearing a Munchin’ sweatshirt to the WATWM trail; Helicopter
Ho – wants to eat a white man today; Clorox Kid – token white man to
be eaten; Just Tobin – needing Clorox Kid.
Namings None! Hallelujah!
Next
Hash:
Date: November 9
Hares: Wankers Aweigh, Stained Sheetz, Pinky Penis, Only 2?, and many more of your lovable Veterans
Start: McPherson Square
Theme: Have
you given your local veteran a blow job today?
Use Metro - go to McPherson Square - follow the
hare's arrows to the start. There is no
adequate parking but if you must - McPherson Square is downtown Wash DC at 15th
between I and K Sts
Strollers: Stroller friendly
Poochies: no dogs
Ed. note to visitors and newcummers: don’t waste
your time looking for J Street. Just to
be safe, get the latest MVH3 information,
and links to all area hashes, by visiting http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3.
Receding
Hareline:
Hash 806 - November 16th - Rocky Whore, Almost Toast, And
How’s Her Bush
Hash 807 - November 23rd – Wanks With Wolves, Boy Toy, Sir
Sucks-A-Lot
Hash 808 - November 30th – Thanksgiving Hash – your 2003
Mismanagement, when we give thanks that there are only 5 More Months! of
this delightful crew.
Announcements:
9th Anal Virginia Interhash – Now! Today, at Aquia Pines Camping Grounds! Directions: Take I95 to exit 143 (Garrisonville/Aquia Harbor Exit). Go east toward Aquia Harbor. At the intersection of Route #1, turn left (north). Go approximately 1/2 to 1 mile on Hwy #1 and the campgrounds will be on the left side. The next trail starts at 2:00, but plan to get there a little early for the shuttle to the start. Plan on staying for the toga party tonight.
Haven’t paid your
internet provider? Get directions from
the DC-area hotline - (202) PUDJAM0,
take option 6 for MVH3 directions.
Mismanagement:
Joint
Masters – Well-Drilled, Rocky Whore
Religious
Advisor – C.R.A.F.T.Y., Boy Toy, and Big Bird Turd
Scribe/Subscribe
– Latecomer & Wankers Aweigh
On-Sec
– Only 2?
Hash
Cash – Hands Solo
Hare
Raiser – Womb Broom
Haberdasher/co-haberdasher
– Fire & Ice and Tore Ass
This man is:
A. Teaching new dogs
old tricks
B. Lookin’ mighty
hungry
C. In rehab at County
General