Hash 798
September 21, 2002
The Oktoberfest Hash
Guest Scribe: Hops
(MARSHALL, VA) The Mayor of Munich officially opened Oktobefest by
tapping the first keg of beer and declaring, “O’zapft is!” (Oh shit, I
broke my thumb). Just hours later, Dr. Strangeglove and Roto kicked
off their version.
Finding Marshall can be difficult and confusing. Missed
Erections got lost and said, “Faquier County too,” before finally winding
up at a winery. Ranger Dick rolled his window down and asked, “Is
this the Goldberg Barmitzvah?” In all, 62 hashers successfully reached
the start.
The Run
The hares fooled the pack right out of the gate – except for
Pudnocker who found flour. We turned right from a country road into
a horse riding enclosure. Noting voluminous piles of manure, Hollow
Point said, “I wish I could shit like that.” While running through
Roto’s barn, Crafty seized upon the opportunity to test out some barnyard
humor.
A barbed wire hazard had the effect of first bunching the pack
together, then stringing it out. The trail took us down a tree-lined
abandoned road where the only sounds were of feet tromping on leaves, acorns
falling, and the sweet cry of “On-on!” From a series of wooded hills,
we emerged into what some thought was a large field, but what was actually
the Lawler’s front lawn at 6353 Wilson. A hundred-yard jaunt on Wilson
took us to a left on Conde where we were treated to a check featuring Jägermeister
shots and Warsteiner beer. From there, we climbed into a field that
inspired Captain Titanic to wonder aloud, “What did they call Queen Anne’s
Lace before Queen Anne?”
We came to a sign on which the hares had written, “Cross Street,
Turn Right,” but the hares’ ruse didn’t work. We all knew it was
Wilson again. The trail led across a hayfield and onto a gravel road.
Here the hares did manage to fool Tore Ass, Well Drilled, and Vominatrix
who gave up the high ground to run toward a duck pond before rejoining
us on the road.
The pace slowed considerably as we entered thick woods shaggy
and crossed a rock wall separating fields long since overgrown. Exiting
the woods, a scant 100 yards of asphalt took us home. Perk-A-Set
made it back in 45 minutes. For those of us near the back of the pack,
the run was about an hour and 12 minutes.
The On-In
The hash floated a keg of Old Dominion Oktoberfest. Bottled
reserves included St. Pauli’s Girl and Hacker-Schorr Oktoberfest. The hares
prepared a blue-and-white-checked table full of bratwust, knackwurst, eintopf
(pea soup), Deutsche kartoffelsalat (German potato salad) und pretzlen
(pretzels). Mein Gott in himmel, what a feast! The greatest
treat by far was provided by Rutro and Blank Check, who proudly introduced
the hash to future Grand Master, Mark Earnest, now four weeks old.
It might have just been the bier talking, or Qwik Closing’s
keine bustenhalter outfit, but Dr. Strangeglove said that next year’s event
will be billed as Oktoberbreast. “No shaggy, but lots of bush,” he
promises.
Oktoberfest always starts on a Saturday in September and ends
on the first Sunday in October (just after the Red Dress Run). During
the 16-day event, an estimated 10,400 gallons of beer will be drank in
Munich – nearly as much as on a typical hash weekend. The first Oktoberfest
began in October 1810, when King Max Joseph gave a Big Fat Bavarian Wedding
celebration for Crown Prince Ludwig with the Princess Therese von Sachsen-Hildburghausen.
People enjoyed the horse races, beer drinking and tit flashing so much,
they decided to make it an annual event. Hopefully Roto and Dr. Strangeglove
will do the same. Eins, zwei, g’suffa!
Violations
Bavarian Busch: Returned from the Hoffbrau Haus empty-handed.
Foul Balls: Declined a beer for fear he would burp.
Hollow Point: Displayed Fecal Envy.
Shellacking the Bishop and Vominatrix: Competed in the Wisconsin
Ironman
Only 2?: Had his wad sticking out of his pocket.
Visitors
Little Big Man OTH
Just Jane WH4
Anniversaries
Pauli Wantsa Wanker 15
Qwik Closing 25
Penalty Stroke 55
B’cuz He Can 165
Foul Balls 169
Fire and Ice 215
Dr. Strangeglove 405
Missing Link 600
Receding Hareline
Oct. 5 - #799, the 9th Annual Red Dress Run.
Oct. 12 - #801 Running Bare and crew.
Oct. 19 - # 802 – For Sale Or Rent, Hollow Point, and Pauli Wanna Wanker
at the Rennaiscence Faire near Crownsville, MD.
Oct. 26 - #803 - HolidayHo and crew.
Nov. 2 - #804 - Duckjob and $50 Bitch.
Announcements
CRAP regarding SHIT: Dual Airbags can’t remember anything
personally (CRAP), but alleges that a So Happy It’s Tuesday (SHIT) hash
event will be held on Tuesday at an undisclosed location. More info
is allegedly available at their undisclosed Web site.
MVH3 Hash #800. See “Next Hash.”
Red Dress Run will be held October 5. Online and mail-in
registrations are only being accepted until Sept. 27. Please don’t
mail in a registration after Sept. 23. Price is $40 until Oct. 1;
$50 thereafter. Bar opens and check-in begins at 1:00 p.m.
Hares away at 3:00 p.m. Bring your ID! For new updates, go to http://dchashing.net/dcreddress/.
Virginia Interhash is slated for Nov. 1-3. The cost is
$75. This year’s Virginia Interhash is sponsored by our friends to
the south, the Over the Hump Hash. Although there is absolutely no
information about the Virginia Interhash currently on their Web site (http://www.oth4.freeservers.com
and http://www.hash-grease.com/), this situation may possibly change at
some point in the future.