Location: Chantilly, VA
Nothing makes me feel like a hasher more than a cold, drizzly Saturday
morning. You know the kind, 33F, wind driving a freezing rain at
you from every direction. Remind me in January that I said that.
Right now, I'd give a kidney for a morning where my glasses fog up when
I leave the house fifteen minutes early to warm up the car and scrape the
frost off the windshield. When we have to huddle close for warmth,
when steam pours off Dr. Jekyll at the end of the hash while we watch him
change clothes, when the down-down beer actually stays cold for the duration
of the circle.
After rounding up the RAs for Father Abe, we sniffed out the white
powder and soon were on trail. Pudnocker was chosen to run the walker's
trail and solve the checks, but he failed miserably, catching and passing
the walkers time and time again. He'll never replace Loan Shark at
that rate.
So it's August, one of the hottest on record, and there's Almost Toast
in that collar thing and it must be 120 degrees in that thing and he's
running trail. Of course, he's running with Battery Operated Buddy,
so make that 140 degrees.
Much of the trail wound through a heavily wooded trail (read: shade)
in a county park with PI just out of reach. Unfortunately, the Park
People weren't too keen on hashing or hashers or lovely white powder (think
snow!), so they shoveled as much as possible out of sight. Which
was kinda bad for the eagle trail r*nners, who had to sort of zen their
way to the end.
Stained Sheetz and I discussed the merits of body parts wearing out
v. rusting out as we limped along the trail. Fire & Ice sprinted
by with no sign of sympathy.
Upon exiting the welcome shade and entering the sweltering street,
we found ourselves looping back on the out-bound trail. Those wiley
hares! From there it was a straight shot to the end, where Screws
Everybody handed out pre-built sandwiches as we lined up to collect our
beer. Pinkie Penis was pumping the keg, so to speak, and Poop Deck
was distributing the brew.
The temperature was well out of the mercury, so we blew off the stragglers
and started circle.
First to drink were hares: Screws Everybody, Poop Deck, Pinkie Penis,
‘Snot, Standard Deviant, Chappaquickdick
Next, well, you know the drill:
Virgins: None! Rocky Whore hasn't been trolling the Food Lion
parking lot lately.
Visitors: Just Meeja - White House; Just Garret
Old hashers new to Mount Vernon: Just Tits - Omahaw H3.
Returners: Iron
Analversaries: Sir Sucks-A-Lot - 5; Just Linda - 5; Coin Operated -
5; Gomer Filer - 15; Organ Icer - 25; CRAFTY - 45; Standard Deviant - 55
- and when one hare drinks...; Rutro - 235; Black Box - 255; Full Metal
Balls - 325; Almost Toast - 325; and the leader of the get-a-life-club
- Byte - 335.
It was time - that special day - for Just Mark to become a Hasher.
His wife Quick Closing provided much poop on him, which led to suggestions
like Ass Play, Loves Ass Play, Ass For Directions, Ass For Erections, Ass
Pilot, Ass For Life, Anyone For Ass?, Mol-Asses, Ass Wipe, Ass-o-nine,
Full Metal Ass, Ofeelya Ass, Got Ass, Wanks With Asses, If It Was Up Your
Ass You'd Know Where It Was, and Bend Over Honey I'm Ready. But we
ended by assigning him Tiny Missle.
There was an ass-load of violations: Dr. Strangelove - gas problem
(ask Poop Deck); Just Kate - not signing in; Hares - left flour bag on
trail; Dual Air Bags - environmental (tree abuse); Yes Dear - attempting
to correct The Scribe; Womb Broom - not being a hare; Well Drilled - passing
up Mount Vernon in favor of the Ledville 100-miler (drinking for Well Drilled:
fellow JM Rocky Whore); all the fashion statements: Full Metal Balls, Black
Box, Nurse Crotchett, Leave It In Beaver, and 'Snot, but not Blank Check
(it's a violation when he blends in).
The new hashit passed from Nickelodeon* to her dad, Full Metal Balls,
for dressing like a Dad.
Eventually the stragglers made it back to find that the hares had set
aside extra sandwiches and Oreos, just in case.
That's enough.
Next Hash:
Hares: Dual Air Bags and her Red Dress Hash Mismanagement Assortment **
Start: Forest Edge Elementary
Directions
Take 495 to Dulles Access/Toll Road 267. Stay on the Toll Road, 267;
you will need $0.75 each way. Take Exit 13, Wiehle Ave. Go RIGHT on Wiehle.
Go about 2.5 miles, passing Lake Anne on your left; it will be the 5th
light (not counting the flashing light at the fire station), take a RIGHT
on North Shore Drive. (Be careful, the 4th light is also North Shore Drive;
don't turn there.) Turn at the first RIGHT onto Beacontree Ln. Forest Edge
Elementary is on the LEFT, go to the back parking lot. Park and Hash.
Dogs: ??
Strollers: ??
Poison Ivy Factor: Of course there’s poison ivy! Is there an
inch of Fairfax County that doesn’t have poison ivy? No! Suck
it up!
Receding Hareline:
Hash 796 - September 7th - Throbbing Member &
And How's Her Bush
Hash 797 - September 14th - Qwik Closing,
Early Withdrawal & Tiny Missile
Hash 798 - September 21st - Oktoberfest Hash –
Dr. Strangelove and Roto
Hash 800 - September 28th - MVH3 800th - Rocky Whore,
Cums in 3 Courts, Corkscrewed, Late Cummer &
Acceptable Loss
Hash 799 - October 5th - 9th Annual DC RED DRESS HASH
Hash 801 - October 12th - Running Bare & crew
Hash 802 - October 19th - For Sale Or For Rent & crew
Hash 803 - October 26th - HolidayHo & crew
Announcements:
Full Moon Hash – Sept 14
Joint FMH3/DC United hash. Early start – 6:00 PM, $20 food/ticket/hash/beer,
$15 w/o ticket. Email TipHer WhipHer if you want a ticket – kak318@att.net.
MVH3 800th Hash - Sept 28
Clifton Va. – Special trail, special beer, special giveaway, special
price!
Virginia Interhash - Nov 1-3
OTH4 does VA IH 9 this year! Check out http://hash-grease.com
and click on VAIH registration form.
Red Dress Hash Weekend
Every Day is Wednesday – Oct 3
Clarendon Metro – 6:45 - $4
Full Moon Hash – Oct 4
Cum Slip Into Something Naughty- Annual Pre-Lewd to the Red Dress
Run Lingerie Hash
Where: Start/OnOnOn at the Exchange, 1719 G St. NW WDC off the
Red, Orange & Blue lines at Farragut North or West. Sign in starts
at 6:00 pm, trail at 7:00 pm.
Red Dress Hash - Oct 5
Visit http://www.dchashing.org/dcreddress/index.html and click on the
form, fill it out, write a check and mail it in.
** Don’t be caught at this year’s Red Dress Hash in last year’s red
dress (unless your name is Stained Sheetz). Bring your red dresses
to the hash next week and swap.
Fat Boys Recovery Hash – Oct 6
Join White House at 10:00 AM on the Ellipse, then head to Vienna Metro
for the regular 3:00 hash.
For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit
http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3
Are you lonely? Want to hear a friendly, familiar voice?
Call the DC-area hotline - (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.
Mismanagement:
Joint Masters – Well-Drilled, Rocky Whore
Religious Advisor – C.R.A.F.T.Y., Boy Toy, and Big Bird Turd
Scribe/Subscribe – Latecomer & Wankers Aweigh
On-Sec – Only 2?
Hash Cash – Hands Solo
Hare Raiser – Womb Broom
Haberdasher/co-haberdasher – Fire & Ice and Tore Ass