Location: Alexandria, VA
Good morning hashers! Latecummer is slacking again, Wankers Aweigh is on strike, and I've graciously volunteered to substitute scribe, so today I have the privilege to bring you another steaming load of news.
Nothing stimulates my slobber like a good hash, and there was a lot of promise to this one. Full Metal Balls had brought Cleo and his daughter Just Emily, both real babes. Nurse Crotchett was with Blarney or Shamus or Pudnocker or whatever the hell his name is. Even color blind, I could see Leave It In Beaver in his iridescent shirt from the other side of the county. Rudolph could take a lesson from this guy, and he'd never lose Santa again. I keep trying to kiss Chug-A-Link, but her dad Missing Link keeps giving me ‘the look’ so I think better of it.
After giving the hares a 20-minute head (I said head!) start, Rocky
finally called for circle and led us in Father Abe, then sent us toward
the dog park. By this time I was ready for a crap, but that would
have to wait.
It was good to have French Toasted not only back home but also doing
trail, even though he still had those fresh lobotomy wounds on his forehead.
Another of his rehab friends, Rocky Whore, was also back on trail with
her faithful companion, Domino (bitch). They joined the usual Screws
Everybody, Standard Deviant, Only 2?,and other more or less distinguished
walkers.
Walkers and runners started on the same trail. It wasn't long before Byte, Cunning Runt, Because He Can, and the other FRBs, you know who they are, were out of sight. We depend on them to sniff out true trail so we don’t have to, but this week we caught up with them leaving the adult cinema on Duke Street without even marking it! The trail, that is, skid marks don’t count in this issue.
Trail resumed innocently enough, we were nearly to the next check before confusion struck again. I attribute this anomaly to Boy Toy being a hare, which left only Poop Deck to lead the pack astray. Dr. Strangelove marked the check forward after we heard Hands Solo bellow On On from a far patch of weeds.
Just when the heat was about to overpower, we reached a water crossing, with a Dr. Jekyll-shaped print in the creek bed, kinda like a summer snow angel. I quickly added my own body print, and tried to bring For Sale Or Rent down with me, but she didn’t want to play. OhFeelyaButts was quick to point out that her dive a couple of years ago was much more spectacular than Dr. J’s, and I seem to recall hearing that she got a high score for hers.
Did I mention the heat? And then there were Mud Buns, Penalty Stroke, and The Dribbler, making this look easy, not even breaking a sweat. They must be some breed I’ve never heard of. Further along Hollow Point and Whore Moans were looking for chalk, flour, roadkill, anything to indicate they were on trail. I r*ced Bavarian Bush along an unshaded street where we found a most welcome Beer Near etched on the sidewalk.
After all that, we finally arrived in the backyard of Sir Sucks-A-Lot to find our favorite golden beverage, Oreos, and Boy Toy grilling lunch. I looked around for Dual Air Bag's hash bag to piss on it like that show-off did the prior week, but she was guarding it like a junkyard dog and she is not one to be messed with.
I may be short, but I’m the perfect height to get away with some serious crotch investigations. Since Cork Screwed isn’t here, I had to settle for Full Metal Balls. As DAB and I like to say, why limit yourself to 50%? Where’s Quick Drawers?
As you all know, the real brain trust in the hash lies with the scribes,
therefore, it has been my pleasure this week to join the elite. Yours
in hashing,
ERNIE
P.S. Tess just tossed her cookies, I think she likes me…
Eventually Little Bird Turd blew, and the circle commenced.
First up were the hares: Boy Toy, Wanks With Wolves, Sir Sucks-A-Lot,
and Good To The Last Cock.
Virgins: Just Hank, Just Eric, and the newest hasher from AT&T,
Just Meg.
Visitors: Come Again - Shape H3, and Gaping Ho - WH4
Returns: Just Linda, Lobster Lips, Just Olivia, Just Emily, Just Michelle,
Bump 'N Gump, and Hazukashii, who led his own down-down with an original
song.
Anniversaries: Big Bang (35), BOB (65), Pinky Penis (144 - that's gross),
Mud Buns (245), Big Bird Turd (255), Red Snapper (345), Dr. Jekyll (435),
Missing Link (595), and the grand leader - Cheap Slut with 615.
Violations: Boy Toy - Slacking husband (turned in by all the MVH3 wives);
Black Box - how did she get PI down there?; Got Box - weeding the garden;
Hot Sweaty Pussy - litter box violation; Dr. Jekyll - public bathing; Dual
Air Bags - training r*n prior to hash; Byte - didn't put out this morning;
Cheap Slut - letting Loan Shark out without his medication; PediaHash -
monopolizing the swingset, and drinking for the PediaHash were Sloppy Ho
and Twaaaatsuuuuuupp; Pinky Penis - drooling on your truly; BOB and Tess
- tossing cookies in circle; and finally, French Toasted, Gladiater, Fire
& Ice & Ernie & Tore Ass - fashion statements.
There were not one, but two solemn occasions: we were about to bid
farewell to Just Joe and Just Jay. Just Joe is yet another in the
series of Boy Toy and Wanks' virgins, so they had the best poop on him.
After some pathetic dog-sitting story, names like 'Does The Dog', 'Doggie
Treat', and 'Snake Fucker' were mentioned. Even 'Hello, My Name Is
Joe' was discussed, and quickly discarded (yeah, we really need Burnt Sox).
After a few more beers, we stuck poor Joe with Puppy Pimp.
Just Jay didn't fare much better. His roommate, Just Eli, wasn't
talking, so we had to come up with our own dirt. We tried 'Black
Hole', 'Chief Suck-Up', 'Rodney King', and my personal favorite - 'Rodney
Queen', then settled on Jointed Staff.
Hashit time. DAB introduced the new '02 hashit, a sparkling kleen
plunger with a big red foot on the handle. For finding true trail
before the hares marked it, thus running it twice, Poop Deck was unanimously
selected to christen the new vessel with the champagne of beers.
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Next Hash:
Hares: Hot Legs, Wankers Aweigh, Womb Broom
Theme: No hills!
Start: Large parking lot vicinity of Cineplex Odeon Shirlington 7 movie
theater, Arlington, VA. ADC map NOVA 17-A1! 1 Arl
Directions: From I-395, take the Shirlington Exit (exit 6); go straight
on Arlington Mill DR for about a block, and find the large theater complex
on the left. Turn left into parking lot behind the theater. Park up near
the apartment complex in the back of the theater.
From I-66 take Glebe RD east about 3 miles; then turn right onto
Walter Reed DR. Go down the hill. At 2nd light, take a left onto Arlington
Mill DR go past the Library/animal shelter/county yard, the theater complex
parking lot will on the right. Turn right into parking lot and park up
near the apartment complex.
Dogs: Absolutely not!
Strollers: Tough Dads only!
Ed. note: In addition to no hills, count on lots of flour and
clear marks. Bring taxi fare.
Receding Hareline:
Hash 793 - August 17th - Poop Deck, Screws Everybody & Pinky Penis
Hash 794 - August 24th - BeCuz He Can, The Clorox Kid & Do Me Next
Week
Hash 795 - August 31th – Dual Air Bags & crew
Hash 796 – September 7th - Quick Closing & Throbbing Member
Hash 797 – September 14th - And How's Her Bush
Hash 798 – September 21st – Dr. Strangelove & Roto
Hash 800 – September 28th – MVH3 800 – Rocky Whore and assorted award-winning
hares.
Hash 799 – October 5th – RED DRESS HASH
Announcements:
Red Dress Hash
Visit http://www.dchashing.org/dcreddress/index.html and click on the
form, fill it out, write a check and mail it in.
Virginia Interhash - Nov 1-3
OTH4 does VA IH 9 this year! Check out http://hash-grease.com
and click on VAIH registration form.
For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit
Harddrive's web page: http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3
If you’re a disconnected loser or your name is Ted Kaczynski, get updates
on area hashes on the hotline: (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.
Mismanagement:
Joint Masters – Well-Drilled, Rocky Whore
Religious Advisor – C.R.A.F.T.Y., Boy Toy, and Big Bird Turd
Scribe/Subscribe – Latecomer & Wankers Aweigh
On-Sec – Only 2?
Hash Cash – Hands Solo
Hare Raiser – Womb Broom
Haberdasher/co-haberdasher – Fire & Ice and Tore Ass
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