Run #765
02-16-02
Hares: Hawaiian Puke, Turkey Timer, &
Two Lips in the Bush
Start: Tacoma Park, MD – where is
that again???
Trail Notes: Start Here
Killing the hares would be too good for them. Never trust a hare over 40 or under 30.
All started well. We circled. We Father Abraham’d. We took off and ran around the block, and found ourselves…..back where we started. So, where is the beer? But apparently, we were not done with trail.
After milling about aimlessly waiting for SOMEONE to find something, other than our cars, Dual Airbags, Hard Drive and Poop Deck, took off- and several blocks later, found flour. We all followed. From a bridge far above Sligo Creek trail, a hare’s arrow was spied, so down we short cutted to the trail. And thus ended our flour.
Dual Airbags, certain she had seen a hares arrow on New Hampshire Ave, on her way to the hash, took off down Sligo Creek trail heading West, with Wankers, in her wake. He came back- we never saw her again. Wankers, Hard Drive, GBOF, and Missed-Erections and myself ran off in several directions, came back, found the pack gone, but the walkers walking up to the bridge, high above Sligo Creek…the trouble is, this was the way we came.
Gazing down the 100 feet from the bridge to Sligo Trail, we saw Hawaiin Puke and Two Lips coming down the bike trail..from a direction opposite of the way we came. Interesting. “Throw us a bone!!” we yelled.
Maybe it is Puke’s bad hearing, or the fact we were yelling at him from 100 feet overhead, but we asked for directions to the end. So they gave us directions- go back to the start, turn right on to University, at the 7-11 look for Merrimac and pick up trail. At least, this is what we heard. The End is not what we found….we did find PudKnocker, B’cuz He Can, The Dribbler, Mud Buns and her hubby (Mike, I have no idea what his hash name is!), Just Mary, her friend who will be known as Just Mary’s Squeeze (hey! I had no idea I was scribing until the end. I was not paying any attention. Had I been paying attention, I’d have not done the end of the trail twice and a portion of the beginning of the trail once), Cheap Slut, Loan Shark, and a host of others.
We zigged zagged across New Hampshire Ave and University Blvd a couple of times (not recommended for most pedestrians), got directions to Merrimac from a fellow at the Midas Muffler shop and eventually found flour. So we ran, and we ran, and…..we ended up at New Hampshire Ave AGAIN!
Missed-Erections, Wankers, B’cuz He Can, and Just Mary’s Squeeze, took off towards Piney Branch Rd. Fortunately, I had done a trail in this general area a week ago, and knew that following them was going to force us to do the entire trail- we wanted the end. Mud Buns suggested we find the On In on Idylewood St.
We asked an old lady and a young lady at the bus stop if they knew where Idylewood was. They did not (but helpfully pointed out that a number of runners had just gone by them- duh). Just Mary, an EveryDayisWednesday hasher who probably will never show up at another Mt. Vernon run, said she OUGHT to know where Idylewood is, since she grew up in this area, but she had no idea. I think she makes an ideal hasher.
I asked a police officer at a stoplight for directions to Idylewood.
She gave me a look, whipped out her ADC map and said, its near Andrews
Airforce Base. While Puke is a Zoomie and this may make sense to most hasheres,
we were NOT about to run to Andrews. Back to our cars we went, to
discover the On In was on WILDWOOD and only five blocks away. Which
was nice, since we’d been wandering aimlessly for at least an hour and
a half, missing the beer stop.
Circle Up!
The circle was about finishing up when we arrived. There was no food, but some half way decent beer was still available. (what’s up with the American Light crap?? That’s offensive to us patriots).
I missed most of what was going on, as I was scrounging for food in Turkey Timer’s kitchen, here’s what someone wrote down on the Mt. Vernon cheat sheet:
VIRGINS Just John, Just Jeanne, Just Catherine and Just Jeremy
Visitors: Cock Strapper-NYCH3, Dumb Fucking Bastard, Hail Mary Full of Jizz, Needledick Ned, Just Lilla, and Sir Sucks a Lot.
Returners: Trouser Snake
Anniversaries: Just Ron (5), RudeBoy (5 Hey! Didn’t he move to New Jersey?!?!), Cuff Me Stuff Me (15), Do Me Next Week (75), Well Drilled (115), French Toasted (305), Barvarian Bush (315), Quick Drawers (495).
Namings:
I understand there were two solemn occasions, although I did not witness either. There was a “Defending of a Name” for Oops! He or she was renamed Shitney Spears. Why? Beats me.
Just Luke was also named Gomer File. Why? See above reason.
Violations: there were some of those, but no one wrote them down.
HARES NEEDED
To sign up to hare, contact muellerr@erols.com
Next Week’s Hash: 3/9/02
“A Hare Looks at 51”
Directions to Run #768
From the Good Ole Boy, Nature-Loving South or the Yankee Imperialistic North:
Take I-95 to the Dale City/Rippon Landing, Exit 156.
Take the Rippon Landing exit and precede East to Route 1. At Route
1, turn right (that's the hand you use to shift the tranny) onto Route
1 South (God Bless the South) and git into the hammer lane (Northerners-that's
CB talk for the passing lane).
After passing the Chevy place on the left and that Yankee Carpetbagger
WAWA store, who is runnin a good Southern store like 7-11 out of business,
turn left (that is the hand you steer with when shifting the tranny) at
the traffic light, on to Neabsco Road and precede East. (The other side
is of the street is Cardinal Drive and you don't want to go there! If you
miss this turn, you can keep on goin' to DAB's house and you can wait there
until she comes home and she can tell you where to go.) About 1.25 miles
later, turn right (ya'll remember which one is the right?) on to Hayes
Street . Travel for about .75 miles and look for the hashers past the new
home construction. Remember, look for the Hashers and not at the locals.
No dogs please.
If'n you have one of them fancy baby buggies, ya'll better be pretty
damn strong, and have towin' and medical insurance just in case.
The top 40 things you would NEVER hear in PW County, no matter how much
they've had to drink:
40. Oh I just couldn't, hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pick-up and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a shit who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.