Run #763
02-02-02
Hares: Merlin, Grease Monkey,
14 Kt Cock & Runnin Bare (aka Ted Kaczinski)
Start: East Dumfries
Trail Notes: Start Here
Dumfries, VA — Ground Hog's Day. What's this "holiday"
all about anyway? No one gets off work for it, It's got no
parades or greeting cards. Only weathercasters ever talk about it
on TV. Hoping to find the answer to this vexing question at the hash,
Fussy and I were determined to get to the root of this issue. As
with any great quest, the journey to Hogknowledge contains ob-stackles,
the first of which, as always, is finding the start. It's the hidden
turn off Main Street onto Mine Drive. Damn! Right past it.
There goes Dr. Strangelove, he missed it, too. Let's spin around
in that parking lot there to the right. Who's that blowin' their
horns at us? Oh hell, it's Ass Ogre, munching on a cheese-stuffed
hot dog from the 7-11 and swillin' a Red Bull. This is gonna be one
helluva hash. Arriving at the start BEFORE the pack left this week,
we found Cyclops, Latin Analyst, S'Not, Dr. Jekyll and Byte all hovering
around in a circle trying to shield themselves from the stiffies.
The wind, that is, what quite brisk.
"What's the meaning of Groundhog's day?" I asked Short Bus Bitch as
she bounced from toe to toe. Stopping to contemplate the question
for a moment, SB turned to Microsoft and asked him to bend over.
Thinking there might be ass involved, MS quickly obliged. SB then
jumped produced the hash shit (we won't tell Throbbing Member it was out
of his possession) and promptly delivered it to MS causing a strange whirring
sound and the faint smell of burning fur. "I think THIS is it!" SB
added. Confused, I shuffled on through the crowd. Black Box
and Elevator Guy led Father Abraham. Hoping the two had a veiled
lesson for us all amidst the exercise, I joined in, eager to be edified.
And then I felt it. Y0! Rocky Whore, grinnin' that knowing/naughty
smile of Catholic school girls, walked around to my front w/ Domino jumping
straight up and down. Hmm, I'm not sure, but I don't think
THAT'S the meaning of Ground Hog's Day. But, if you wanna go get
a room, we can try that a couple hundred more times. Aah, my fantasy
life is so rich.
But the meaning, the meaning of it all. Caught in my quandry,
I could no find the gusto to follow trail. Instead, I hoped the returning
hares, Grease Monkey and Merlin, exhausted from their live hare experience,
would have some insights to shed upon us. No luck. Nothin'
but talk of Moon Pies, corn liquor, girls in paper hats and a one-armed
fiddler named Buck. Hey, it's live hare. Who knows what they
had to deal with today? We followed them to the On In. As we
arrived at the site of the On In, the FRB's French Toasted, Dr. Jekyll,
Blank Check, and "that OTH guy that got pinched for skipping the Superbowl
to go to the Vagina Diaries" scampered in. WE FOUND IT! "The
meaning of Ground Hog's Day?" I asked. No.
Realizing the answer might be right under our noses, I peeked into
the catering boxes. There, I thought I'd stumbled upon it. The meanings
began to crystallize as the savory smells wafted on the crisp air -- then
14K came by and ripped a big nasty one, causin' the whole learnin' to go
by the wayside. I went and grabbed a beer. Because He Can had
a few people gathered around him listening intently so I went over to hear
if we was tossing Ground Hog pearls about. Loan Shark intercepted
my path and said, Oil (hey, even we scribes look for our names in boldface),
your beer's lookin' mighty low there. He was right and I abandoned
the trail to enlightenment.
Once circle started I had Sam on my side. Oh barley, king of sages. He offered to me the following diddie as consolation knowledge:
The Fat Girl Song
Oh, ain't it great.
To love a girl so fat.
That when you hug her.
You don't know where you're at.
So you take a piece of chalk in your hand.
And you make a little mark so you know where you began.
And one day as I was huggin' and chalkin' and huggin' and chalkin'
away
I met a man with a piece of chalk in his hand
He was comin' round the other way (oh yeah)
He was comin' round the other way.
On On,
Oil Of Nolay
Circle Up!
Kudos to these hares from OTH. The chow was brought from Dixie Bones in these really kool insulated boxes. There were lots of Weenies there and a few hot dogs too. In addition, they served us tortellini, perogies,
VIRGINS
Just Anne
Just Kristen
Just Jay
VISITORS
Paddy No Toole (OTH), Grass Stained Balls (OTH), Cyranose (OTH), Nice
N’Easy Mall Slut (OTH), French Prickler (Okinawa), Free to Lay (OTH)
During the wait-time between hashers arriving at the ON IN and the actual circle up, I found myself being terrorized by an annoying gnat named Ass Ogre. Poor Rocky Whore… how she tolerates it is beyond me. I was really seeking an answer to the question, ‘who is the fairy in the blue silk old ladies outfit?’ (the answer to which is Rosebutt, for those of you who may care). I was recounting a story to which AssOgre insisted on me telling; it is a story from Mardi Gas 1997, when a young and very handsome man approached me at Tropical Isle, a bar in the French Quarter. About 10 am and several of us were waiting our Hand Grenades (ask anyone whose been there) and the young man walked up to me asking if I would donate my beads to him. He wore only a single strand, each was the size of a apple. I told him he would have to ‘drop trou’ for any of my beads. He did, and to my disappointment, all he could produce was a nub of a pee-pee. Having started drinking much earlier the previous night my response was “You call that a penis? I call that a nub!” Well, needless to say…… he was a bit shocked and probably a tad embarassed. Well, for those of you who think I’m mean and cruel…. The story ends with this man following the hash, with me, all over the Big Easy for the remainder of Fat Tuesday!
ANNIVERSARIES
The Butt Stops here– 5
Ass Ogre– 25
Prostate Toot - 25
Short Bus Bitch– 50
Pinky Penis– 125
Becuz He Can–135
Captain Titanic– 245
Cunning Runt– 365
NAMINGS
Just Denise was this week’s victim. It appears that Denise is
a musical person. So… that was all the ammo the gaggle needed to start
the following list of names… Any Cock Will Do, Skin Flute, Nob Gobbler,
Blow My Horn, Blows a Load, DSL’s (she’s a flute player), Blows A Reed,
Deep Flute, Cock-a-Doodle, I B Flat, and the winner is….. ‘Do Lay Me’.
VIOLATIONS
Corkscrewed, Short Bus Bitch, Standard Deviant, Hollow Point and See
Dick Run were sited for being too pussy to get wet in the creek so they
all crossed over I-95. Glad I wasn’t on trail either or I would have
had to cite myself…. And what an awful mess that can be! BYTE was
cited for staying until Circle! It’s only his second time this year
– last time was the time he drove to the Pentagon 1st, and then figured
out he’d done wrong – he never made trail but he made circle. I noted
that SBB had ‘given something back’ to the crowd around her at least, when
she provided hours of entertainment in form of a gratuitous face plant.
You can thank MFC and a few others – that was a frequently noted violation!
French Toasted was pulled in for a down down in recognition of his new
wheels, the summer white Volvo he just purchased to replace the flintstone
mobile he’s been dragging around since he started hashing with MVH3. I
also dragged Will work Hard for Dick and Bush into the circle, I noted
that she casually strolled in with Loan Shark on 1 arm and the poor virgin
Just Jay on the other. Clearly the three-way sex exhausted them all
and they had to crawl back just as we were circling up.
Lastly, I cited Ass Ogre for asking me if I wanted a bite of his weenie, and then only producing a nub! Why is that predictable??
HARE LINE
765 – Feb. 16 – Late Cummer
766 – Feb. 23 – Hawaiian Puke and Turkey Timer
767 – March 2 – $50 Bitch
768 – March 9 – Full Metal Balls
HARES NEEDED
To sign up to hare or offer a transplant, contact muellerr@erols.com
Next Week’s Hash: 2/16/02
Directions to Run #765
Start: Oak Hill Elementary School, Oak Hill, VA ADC Fairfax MAP 5
From the Dulles Toll Road:
Take Fairfax Co Parkway (route 7100) south to traffic light at Franklin Farm Road. Turn right onto Franklin Farm Road, go past the Franklin Farm.
Shopping Center and turn right at Stone Heather Drive. Follow Stone Heather Drive to Kinross Circle and turn left, look for Oak Hill elementary school on the left. Look for the deviants, park and Hash.
From I-66:
Take Fairfax Co Parkway (route 7100) north to traffic light at Franklin
Farm Road. Turn left onto Franklin Farm Road, go past the Franklin
Farm Shopping Center and turn right at Stone Heather Drive. Follow
Stone Heather Drive to Kinross Circle and turn left, look for Oak Hill
elementary school on the left. Look for the deviants, park and Hash.