Hash #760: The Newlyweds
Hares: Penalty Stroke & Mud Buns, along with the lovely Kristin
Start: ½ mile from the end
Trail Notes:
Well, succumbing to that deadly sin, Sloth, once again this week I missed
trail. I arrived at the start as a caravan of similarly-slotthy wankers,
EZ Lips, Mountin’ Mama and Hot Legs (ok, so HL was driving the bag vehicle
and, hence, wasn’t exactly slotthy, but, hey, she was leading the caravan!)
were driving from the start to the end, just a kidney stone’s passing away.
On trail I was blinded by Big Bird Turd’s garish pants. Alongside
him and Lucy was Mellow Foreskin Cheese, whose dress is normally pretty
out-there but, next to BBT, he looked to have stepped straight from the
pages of “Better Kielbasa & Brats” magazine. Directly, our caravan
came to our turn. Then another. Up the hill, around the corner,
over the speed bump and, twat-ah!! We’re at the On-in. Taking
off shoes as instructed and careful not to let the kitties out, I made
my way towards the ravioli and beer. Aah, breakfast of champion fat-asses
like me. And here come the runners. First in was French Toasted.
He reminded me that, if you’re close to the food when the pack arrives,
get your ass through the line. Otherwise, you’re screwed. I
followed his lead and turned around to see a swarm of bare-footed sweaty
deviants queued up for the next 15 minutes. Bad Ditch, Finger Pickin’
Good, Wowo, $2 Head, Heather, PayPer View, Fire & Ice, BOB, Snatch
Shot, Corkscrewed, Runnin’ Bare, to name a few all poked and prodded one
another waitin’ in that line. Which goes to show, sometimes the best
advice at a hash is “never leave camp.”
And now, for something completely unexpected …
OK, so, Black Box with porn on her Hard Drive at work is one thing.
Turns out, she has an internet publishing empire in the works – how to
keep that play in your prop. Now, BB and Elevator Guy (aka, Got Box?)
are getting’ hitched here in a few weeks. As the saying goes, if’n
you gotta go, go out w/ a bang! Check out what I found using the
Google search engine …
"Recreational Sex"
An Insider’s Guide to the Swinging Lifestyle©
by Patti Thomas
YOU SAY you’ve considered swinging but were too afraid, or didn’t know
where to start?
YOU SAY you haven’t been able to find a reliable, informative source
to answer your many questions about swinging?
Editor Patti Thomas, who has been involved in the lifestyle personally
and professionally for nearly 20 years, at last shares her knowledge of
the lifestyle as well as many of her own personal experiences! Patti dispels
all the myths and describes the realities of swinging as only she can!
Discover how and where to meet others in the lifestyle! Improve communication
with your lover and learn how to handle your emotions! Get the inside story
on clubs, swinger’s trips and conventions around the country! Hot tips
for single men! And much more!
INCLUDES 8-PAGE COLOR PHOTO ALBUM!
See what the critics say:
"The world thinks of swinging as a man’s fantasy. Here is a marvelous
opportunity to see the truth of swinging through the eyes of a woman. Not
just any woman mind you, but a woman who is an icon in the swinging community."
- Robert McGinley, Ph.D., President, The Lifestyles Organization
"A must read for new swingers and couples interested in the the Swing
Lifestyle!" RECREATIONAL SEX offers the "real" story about the Swing Lifestyle
and the hundreds of unanswered questions. "You will wonder why you didn't
come and play earlier." - Don Hughes, Publisher, International Couples
Network
Circle Up!
Virgins: Just Austin
Visitors: not a damned one
Returners: Maxi Man, Just Michelle, See Dick Run, EZ Lips, Hard Drive, Just Stacey, The Dribbler, Yank Me Out, Big Bang, Snatch Shot, Fossil, Horny Toad, Two Lips in the Bush, Just Patrick, Just Luke.
Anniversaries: Wild Bill Hickey-cock (15), Big Bang (25), No Shit Einstein (35), Chappaquickdick (50), Bad Dog (100), Perk a set (115), See Dick Run & Mellow Foreskin Cheese (both at 135), Milk Money (225), Hollow Point & Mud Buns (both at 235), Corkscrewed (285), Red Snapper (325)
Violations: Consistency violation, Dual Air Bags. Fashion violators included Cheap Slut (wearing Old Glory next to his boys), BBT and Blank Check (all-round tasteless dressers), Duck Job arriving 20 minutes late because he had to buy a map, Cunning Runt who fashioned the Hashshit into a giant silver dildo-esque monster, Because He Can for dreaming up the dildo reference, our role-swapping twins Sloppy Drunk & The Babysitter (reversing the dialogue, “hey, I coulda gotten laid had I not had to babysit your drunk ass!”) and Black Box for separation anxiety.
Hash shit: Nominations included The Dribbler, being a MVH3 founder and not even having a sticker on his car; our incum-bent Cunning Runt, Loan Shark for cunningly passing off said hashshit at the previous week’s hash asking, “who can remember when we passed the Hashshit every other week?” and CR’s sweet, sad honesty in admitting her presence. Nurse Crotchet for family management, wishing her dog off on Loan Shark ontrail – both disappeared. But the undeniable best-choice was Black Box for her energetic amore!
Namings: Just Amanda & Just Patrick
Just Patrick – What could be better fodder for a hash naming?
A between-jobs, has-an-uncle-with-ambiguous-sexual-orientation guy who
sings show tunes on trail. Offerings included Green Mountain Mama,
Unemployed, John Denver you idiot, Drama Queen, Pickled Pecker, Chokes
the One-eyed parrot, The Other Great Lake, Parrot Head and … the winning
name, Oklahomo.
Just Amanda – Apparently, $2 Head’s dog took a real licking to Amanda.
For a girl that was willing to take on a disgusting monicker, we left the
bullshit fly and came up with … Huggankiss (quickly dispelled as a viable
candidate, along w/ a perennial crowd favorite, Jizz Bucket), Cravin’ Morehead,
Spread Eagle, Bare Love, Annie Strokeme, Bush’s Bitch, Legally Bentover,
OPM – orifice of penial manglement (which goes to show Duck Job is one
sick pup!), and the winner for Just Amanda is Works Hard for Dick &
Bush.
Next Week’s Hash
January 26, 2002
Hash # 7 hundred and somethin
Hares - 14 ckt cock and crew
Cost = $5.00
Time = PROMPTLY at 10:00 am
Note to Byte : Do NOT go here THIS Saturday - wait one week then go NEXT Saturday. k?
Where: University Mall Shopping Center on the corner of Braddock Rd and Rt 123 (In the back right corner by Fat Tuesday's) This is right by George Mason University, the Patriot Center, etc.
Directions:
Frm I66 - take I66 to Rte 123 South . Follow about 5 miles or so to
Braddock Road. Take a left onto Braddock Road and make a right into the
shopping center - go behind it and look for deviants.
Frm I95. Take 495 to Braddock Road West. Go about 6 miles and make a left into Univeristy Mall Shopping center. Go behind the center and look for deviants.
Frm the South take Rt 123 North for about 12 miles and look for the University Shopping Center on the right corner of Braddock Road.
Dog friendly - ?
Stroller friendly - ?