Hash #759: Reamin’ in the New Rear
Hares: Loan Shark, Cheap Slut, Pudnocker & Nurse Crotchet
Start: KFart, Rte 236, Annandale
Trail Notes: Start Here
Dearest Laon Shark:
What the hell kind of creatures are you breeding at your place? Did anyone else have any kind of nasty, sweltering bites after Saturday's run? The back of my left leg is raw and oozing and my right eyelid had a bit of a bite on it and some minor swelling yesterday. Well this morning I awoke to one eye and some kind of orange size thing atop my right eye and I thought I was gonna have to do a Rocky and slit it with a razor to see. But warm water and an icepack have taken the swelling down and I can see now. Good Lord, all this fun ain’t worth 5 bucks. In fact, I want a refund.
Forever yours in love,
Dual Jizz Bags
Dearest Loan Shark, my love,
Not that you give one little shitola (don’t worry, I’ve got plenty saved for both of us!) BUTT....
I do not have bug bites as I once thought - I have a nice combination of poison ivy/oak/sumac that survived the cold weather and when I scratched - got in my eye. Yum.
God knows I LOVES me some Poison Ivy.
Forever yours in love,
Dual Jizz Bags
Have you ever heard such whining out of an RA? I though all RA’s were made of steel like PIO/ SMD and of course, FMB.
Trail Dribble from the Hashit:
Why is it that everyone keeps poring beer in my hole and licking me
every week? Then, I'm off to someone else's house for several days -- man,
this feel-me-up, pass-me-around life style makes me feel like ! My new
cologne, eau de Urinalcake (wasn't it Marie Antoinette who said ...?),
seems to bring out the savage in folks. This past week Oil of Nolay took
me on trail. We coasted along with Big Bird Turd and Luci at the start.
Luci stopped to take a very hearty crap and, for a moment, overpowdered
my cologne even in a stiff wind. Speaking of stiffies, we got into the
on-in (my haven, since my hole gets all quivery w/ anticipation). French
Toasted read my Beer Troubleshooting job aid and some jack-ass kept squeezin'
my balls, making me honk un-controllably. Not much to see at an On-In for
a Hashshit, I tell you. All I can remember is buttocks. Callipygian comes
to mind. Hey, I may be a totem, but I ain't no mo'ron.
On, in me, Hashshit.
Back to the main Trail now…
As we sped into the parking lot, we saw the crowd make way – the miracle that we arrived before Father Abe – must be the first time in at least 4 months! I spotted the Box mobile – and strained to see the sexy thing she promised to wear at her first hash back from Montana. Then, I started to wonder why I was interested in seeing Black Box wearing something sexy….. just then I realized that Fire & Ice was careeling Ernie out of the way of my car, realizing I was mentally, ‘elsewhere’. So what else is new? Hahahahaha – that was a joke you moron.
Fire & Ice had Ernie duty on trail today and as the runners sped off, I wandered around trying to organize myself. I caught up to Ms Box in time to ask why the rush on the wedding. Here, I’m thinking… they’re not doing it till May (not the big IT – I think they’ve already done that! I heard they were playing Peeping Box and Box when Rutro and Blank Check were doing ‘that’).
So Ms Box explained the novelty behind 02-02-02 and immediately left me in the dust.… with Got Box?. One minute they’re holding hands on trail… next minute she leaves him High and Dry. Well GB, I guess you better get used to it! We discussed the finer obstacles of planning a religious ceremony.
We got to a check and Ms. Box offered to tell us a short cut. It was about then that I saw Burrito, Granny Boulders, and Whore Moans scream bloody murder that BB had offered a short cut to the end…. Heaven forbid! It was then that I caught up with Rutro and learned her maternal instincts had gotten the best of her and the vestal virgin was with child. Well, we all know how the story goes… but then, I later heard that Cheap Slut was to blame for the whole damn thing!
I thought to myself, where are the runners? We hadn’t seen hide nor hare of them until we ran into S’not and BC at the golf course, where we learned we were to climb on to the fairway ourselves. We followed the fools…. Which I think wasn’t really supposed to be part of the walkers trail. So, that’s why it took us forever and a day to finish trail!!!!
So here we are on the golf course, Spread Sheets, Rutro and I in the lead of the walkers wandering aimlessly like lemmings in search of whatever lemmings search for.
WE got back out to the main road… and although it was familiar territory,
I was much more riveted by the conversation than by the trail – so all
I know is we would up on Little River Tpke about 18 miles away from the
ON IN. It was here that BB gave us the opportunity to retrieve vehicles
or head over to the ON IN. I took the chance to get my car… only
to realize I’d left my keys with the hashit carrier. So, I hitched
a ride back to Kay’s place that she shares with Loan Shark, and arrived
just in time for nothing! At least I didn’t get any PI, PO or PS.
Circle Up!
Virgins: Just Craig
Visitors: Oops! (from Teagu San-Tokie H3, Korea). Oops will be stationed in DC for the next few months. Ask him about his Britney Spears collection.
Returners: Dwelf, Loose Lips, Cuff Me Stuff Me.
Anniversaries: Urine View (35), Flying Burrito (55), Throbbing Member (65), Pointless (75), S’Not (155), Hot Legs & Dual Air Bags (both at 315)
Violations: Is that the Michelin man? No, it’s the thermo-challenged duo of Roto and Dr. Jekyll, wrapped double-digit layers. The hares for not having a walker’s trail and setting a check that checked back on itself. 14k, the cobbler’s kid, ran trail sans shoes. Dual Air Bags joined the OJ 3rd-person-reference-to-self club (exemplary quotation, “everybody knows OJ gets crazy when OJ gets ready for a trip”) although she didn’t drink for it. CRAFTY for too much time on his hands as evidenced by his exceptionally long song (harriettes, I know you read in “schlong” … good for you!) As a recap, CRAFTY featured Dual Air Bags as the Skirt, Mighty Tite as the Cock, Cheap Slut as the Yankee, Missed Erections as the Harlot, 14k as the Leery one, and Bad Ditch, Dangerously Close, Whore Moans and Fussy Bitch as the Wenches. Other violators included our Hare Razor, Throbbing Member (no directions on the hareline) and next week’s hares, the newly-weeded MudBuns and Penalty Stroke.
Procreation for today’s party courtesy of Blank Check and Rutro.
It was the after circle, when most of the hash had disappeared and just a hand full of folks remained that seemed to be the most interesting. Hell, even CRAFTY coulda learned a thing or two there.
I went in search of a Diet Coke and was cornered by Loan Shark, telling
me how lucky I am to be betrothed to Oil Of Nolay and how much Cheap Slut
adores me, when I was forced to give him a verbal beating of some form.
Nurse Crotchett had warned me about the LS/CS duo, Pudknocker could have
left me to the mercy of the duo. The next thing I know…. We’re discussing
Gynacomastia and what size we think LS, CS, Oil and Pud should wear.
If you wanna know what it is… ask one of them guys!
Next Week’s Hash: 1/19/02
Hares: Dr. Strangelove, Pudnocker, and Womb Bromb
Start: Burke Lake Public Boat Landing, Northern Virginia ADC Map 26-K1
Directions:
From the Beltway-495.
Take exit #54, Braddock Road west for 2 miles.
At light turn left on Burke Lake Rd, go 5 miles.
Turn left (south) on Ox Road (Rt 123). After 1/2 mile you will
see the main entrance to Burke Lake Park on left, continue south on Rt
123 for 5/10 mile and turn left into the Public Boat Landing parking lot.
Note - This turn is extremely easy to miss. The actual entrance is
not visible until you are right on top of it, and the sign directly opposite
on the right side is very small and colored dark brown. Approx. 100
meters before you get there you will pass Wayfarer Drive on the right;
start slowing down and looking.
From Fairfax County Parkway, Rt 7100.
Exit at Ox Rd, Rt 123 south. The Public Boat Landing is 2 1/2
miles on left as above.
From points south of the Occoquan.
Exit I-95 at #160, Occoquan and Rt 123 North. Travel north on
Rt 123 for 8 miles. The Public Boat Landing entrance is on the right,
1/4 mile after you pass Henderson Rd on the left.
Dog Friendly Factor: yes
Stroller Friendly Factor: yes, mostly
Miscellaneous:
3 trails: Turkey (long)
Eagle (longer)
Eagle Extreme (longest)