If it ain’t a live hare, it’s probably a cooked turkey
Hares: Put It Out, Wax On Whacks Off, Ass Finder, and Crafty
Start: MT Vernon High
Trail notes
It was like déjà vu all over again…
‘Twas the day of the almost mis-hash before last $4-hash that the rally of the 13th elf pageant commenced as a prelude to Father Abraham. Post Style editors would have been proud. Sequined cha’pots of green, silver, and gold adorned the contestants as they milled this way and that while spectators sipped headless cider dreaming of visions of ale in circles to be. Flying Burito provided an unexpected, but welcomed visit. He was overheard prepping Mis-Master of Ceremony open remarks…”I hate to start on a serious note, but I do want to take some time to thank some people. This has been a difficult week for me since my reconditioning was postponed. There are some folks I’d like to thank. My two good friends: Jack Daniels and Perc O. Dan.” Striking the ‘pose, it was dogs (lots of dogs) with their barking calliope that pushed those sequined Elves out of lime light, strutting right through F. Abraham and out onto trail before those aspiring to 13th elf fame could correctly ID the Top 7 Mis-Xmas Ballads. Walkers stayed the course with r*nners for about 30 minutes of the best shiggy MT Vernon could offer. (No wonder George W. spent so much time in Old Town vice his estate just a few miles to the south. Many thought it was for the Ole Town Pub and now we know it was the shiggy that kept him in town. Any who, walkers got a shortcut (left from OLONIALCAY AVE onto IBBYGAY ST – walkers used pig Latin in case they encountered the enemy … isn’t it just flour? Billed as ‘Live Hare’ on a sucking trail, sniveling wankers were banned. Nine checks on trail, nine stockings on true trail – Hares advertised that a hasher would know if the check was solved correctly and that true trail prevails if one happened upon a stocking. See a stocking, pick a stocking, check its contents to see if you have been naughty of nice (remember Santa knows where you have been sleeping!). Bring the stocking with you to the circle-only one stocking per person-if you’ve already gotten one, don’t be a greedy little brat and take two. Properly admonished the quicker hares and harriettes struck out on trail while walkers moved on with separate orders and little mystery as to the locale of the hallowed circle ground. The #7 on the ballad countdown: Stinky the Yellow Snowman (Wanks With Wolves nomination).
Our visiting best little harreitte from Texas, Gas Light, was quick to demo’ a little Green Bay Watch skin stripping before clear of the community center grounds. The show was sooo spectacular, Leave It In Beaver missed the trail head (head-who said head) through shiggy and was forced to perform gratis his circus de so’ale balance beam act across the ice rimmed stream and boughs of holiday shiggy. #6 on the countdown: Eight Tiny Reindeer Carcasses (Fire & Ice nomination). Byte Lighting and Dr. Jekyl suffering beer withdrawals hit the first of the nine BTs with mis-slandering remarks directed at the hares.
Low and behold Hare Ass Finder was spotted not once but twice working hard at escape and evasion. For a brief time the lime covered deer (BTW-this is believed to be carcass number nine) and pony with two dogs were amusing distractions especially for Whore Moans. #5 on the ballad countdown: I Saw Santa Wearing Mommy’s Underwear (Granny Boulders nomination). But ole Wild Bill Hickycock would not be so easily fooled. Possessed of eagle eyes, he spotted early on the Grinch Green in Ass Finder’s gaze, for nary a stocking was to be had on trail for they were all still tucked into AF’s hump-pack tail. It ‘twas not until the hallowed ground of the circle that the stocking were hung round nine lucky hashers with care, amongst the ham-n-cheeze wiches and soup nazi’s brew. #4 on the countdown: Fruitcake Fart Fandango (Big Bird Turd). Byte still talking hare-trash, asswhipped himself to the weekly hash-trash. The circle was blessed with Crafty’s serenade of the holiday classic: A Nun, 3 Old Ladies and a Nurse. A mis-chanting resulted in the rocking encore: Walking In Women’s Underwear BTW-Crafty stole the tune from Granny Boulders’ nomination on the ballad countdown. (Hey-Cheap Slut don’t knock it until you try it.)
Circle Up!
Virgins: Just Denise (and she is still looking for hare that made her cum).
#3 on the ballad countdown: March of the Scary Evil Wooden Soldiers (French Tickler).
Visitors: (da-dah…dah-da-da) Gas Light from Houston H3
#2: Psycho Santa! (Fly the Friendly Thighs)
Returners: Just Mark, Cold Sweats, Prostate-Toot (Dr Deb), Lady Bugger, Nippolas Cage, Just David, and Dry Cock
#1 Mis-Xmas Ballad: There’s Something Wet and Smelly in My Stocking! (Down-Down for Rocky Whore, the 13th Elf in-spite of Ass Finder’s efforts to retain this moniker)
Anniversaries: Just David (5), Whore Moans (85)
Violations: Ass Finder form failing to drop trousers when caught and for hogging all the stockings for the 13th elf.
HashShit: Nominations included Cheap Slut for … well for advertising
that he can be had…cheap. Stained Sheetz for claiming that the red
and white striped cane was holiday walking, not some yard decoration he
lifted on trail. Flying Burito for killing off the chief surgeon
at Walter Reed in order to delay his surgery until after the last beer
call of 2001. Byte Lighting for having a private party during the
circle. And the winner is…BYTE!
Next Week’s Hash
Hash # 759
10:00 AM – January 5th, 2001
Cost $5 USD
**** PRICE INCREASE ****
Hares: Loan Shark and Cheap Slut
Directions to Start:
From the Beltway-495.
Take the Annandale/Fairfax Exit – is that Little River Tpke exit????.
Take the fork that goes to Annandale. You will then exit on Duke
Street (Route 236. Go approximately a mile. At the stop light
where you will see a Pep Boys on the right and a Hess gas station on the
left, turn left onto John Marr Drive.
About 50 yards, you will turn right into the Kmart parking lot.
Park and Hash. Lots of Blue Light
Specials.
From-395.
Take the Duke Street West (not East) Exit. Go for about three
miles. At the stoplight where you will see the Hess station kitty
corner on the right, turn right onto John Marr Drive. Go about fifty
yards and turn right into the Kmart parking lot. Park and Hash.
Black Box promises to wear something slinky from Montana.
Dog & Stroller Factor:
Ask hares if dogs are allowed or if the trail is stroller factor.
Miscellaneous: the hares are as nutty as a fruitcake….. so, BEWARE!!!