Hares: BeCuz He THINKS He Can, French Tickler, and Dressed
3 times as a lady, Throbbing Junk
Start: Reston Woods
Trail notes
It was like déjà vu all over again…
Friday night in the slick of the rain, Fussy took a nasty spill on the slate walkway in the back yard. Whaling in pain, I rushed to her side… as she sobbed uncontrollably, I asked her to shut up and I’d agree to make her mine forever.. now, if I can only find that duct tape!!!
Truthfully… she whacked herself on a sloppy dismount from the morning rituals….at least that’s MY story and I’m stickin’ to it!
"If we are going to have a PMS run in the future, I demand that there be at least one male hare." Wilburr December 98.
This is how our most adept (and sadly, our most diplomatic) public speaking member, Wilburr brilliantly summed-up by this ad-hoc PMS Hash. And damned if it didn't properly captured the true nature of today's festivities.
Even before Father Abraham had taken place, we had a series of violations: RangerDick mouthed off to the very senior Scribe about waiting his turn, instead of butting-in to the front of the line, to sign in. Now this type of behavior is just plain stupid as the Scribe decides which folks drink - and how often. Thus, not only did RangerDick do some DownDowns, but so too did the damned fool for creating such an ugly situation: This is a hash, we don't need no stink'n lines! Byte Lightning was stupid enough to wear new shoes and a racing shirt, as was duly noted and promptly reported to the tree by Nurse Crotchet. (NC seems to have quite the fascination for Byte and his, how shall I say this delicately, his accoutrements!). Hoping to avoid at least one of these violations, Byte quickly removed his shirt. While most of the women folk were quite flustered by this, Dual Jizz Bags made it quite clear that we are not playing basketball (where shirts versus skins is allowed) and condemned him to drink. The new shoes of Fly The Friendly Thighs were almost missed as the male members of our tribe rarely get their gaze that far down. (Actually, if she hadn't said that she had thrown-out the KITCHEN SINK, she might never have been indicted.) And finally, Big Bird Turd had new shoes - but he had to turn himself in.
With a quickie Father Abraham out of the way, the pack followed flour, which was conveniently attached to the backside of Blazing Straddles' shorts. For those close enough, it was a scenic route.
As in past trails starting from this location, we crossed Prosperity
Ave and headed into an apartment complex. In a surprise move, Poop Deck
was the lead dog (all the normal FRBs went chasing down a long-assed BT)
and he continued to successfully shortcut through most of the trail. Alas,
while he did finish the Hash, it was not as an FRB. Like all SCBs (Can
you say Quick Drawers? I knew you could.), PD was eventually hosed by his
aberrant behavior. Unfortunately, a similar situation arose with the vaunted
RA, Full Metal Balls. In a rare moment in MVH3 history, FMB actually attempted
to stay on trail. He was even leading the way throughout the first half
of the trail. (Yes, Missing Link was not present – only because Cheap Slut’s
on top of him.) Sadly, FMB's head swelled to three times it normal size
this day (down you heathen women) due to this early success, causing him
to run through a BT and into never-never land. Not to worry, he did finish.
The rest of us wandered aimlessly through traffic, reeking streams,
muck and mire, and lovely suburban neighborhoods. In fact, until the Rt
606 Check-from-hell the pack was doing great. At this check, all traces
of flour seemed to disappear. If LateComer hadn't shouted out encouraging
words as she drove by (!) we might still be out searching for flour. You
see, Big Bird Turd (who has a vested interest in one of the hares) was
standing on the Hare's Arrow (in his new shoes) that we were supposed to
be following. To make matters worse, he started yelling: "There is nothing
down here." Damn his black heart.
But as always, the Hash Gods smiled upon us and true trail was found
by Psycho Terror Bitch heading through a neighborhood of townhomes and
apartments. I believe there was a brief respite from the gawking locals
when we traversed a school yard. It is difficult for me to remember much
as it was mondo-butt ugly hot (it's freak'n December and we are running
in singlets and shorts!) and there was no waterstop to be found anywhere.
Luckily, I was swept along on the coattails of Byte and Duck Job. These
two seemed to know exactly where to go - mainly because of the all the
damned marks left by Three Times A Lady. How in the blazes did he get so
far ahead? Well, it seems he shortcut and the next thing he knew, he was
at the finish, the little ho.
At last the FRBs crossed a familiar highway when what to their wandering
eyes did appear but two cute little hasherette butts which just happened
to belong to Hot Legs and Screws Everybody. It is such a nice sight to
cum-up behind female walkers. And it got even better, they called us on
to true trail. Of course they weren't really on true trail, but they did
save us a lengthy loop through yet another yuppie enclave.
Just as the FRBs passed by these kindly walkers (they are not nearly
as frightening when they are separated from the rest of the walker pack)
Dual JizzBags stuck her ugly face out of the woods and motioned for us
to follow. And so we did, running right over a HARES ARROW! Byte, can you
say Hares Arrow? NO, I didn’t think so. The FRBs stumbled and rumbled
to the bottom of the hill where Byte spied Psycho off to the left and quite
some distance away. Honestly believing that no-one would go that far without
being on trail (remember, this is Psycho we are talking about) Byte swept-up
Dr.J and DuckJob in his tailwind, completely disregarding the trail markings,
and headed off to find true trail with Psycho After a half-mile loop around
a big huk'n lake, we came upon a note left by French Toasted: "Why am I
way over here when all the other hashers are on the opposite side of the
lake?". Byte you Bastard, I'll bet you killed Kenny too. We did finish,
but not until after the walkers, who had so kindly assisted us (and who
continued to follow true trail), had finished their first beer. Humiliating
it was.
Circle Up!!
Virgins: Just Bruce and Just Becky.
Visitors: Just Luke (Barcelona), Just Richard (New Zealand), Rosebutt
(Toronto), and Mr. Softie (Nice Guys Finish Last H3).
Returners: LayOver, Steamer, Yes-Dear, Ranger Dick, Cums in 3 Qts.,
Ukhugh, Shellacking the Bishop, Horny Toad, 2 Lips in the Busch, Free Refills
and Just Armando.
Anniversaries: Free Refills (5), Hops (25), Porta Potter (35), Vominatrix
(35), Tree lover Chappaquickdick (45), MicroSoft (50) 14 K (85), BBT (225),
Dr. Jackal (405) and Stained Sheets (525).
Violations: Finger Pickin’ Good for a face plant on trail; Dual Jizz
Bags for not running her “”special”” trail; Hares for trail not being long
enough; Steamer for leaving his child in the care of MFC, Vominatrix for
stretchin before running trail; Screws Everbody for acting like a child
on the swing set; Red Snapper for not wanting to bring her new man under
the scrutiny of the hash; Turkey Timer & Hawaiian Puke for sex on trail;
Fussy Bitch and Oil of Nolay drank with Turkey Timer and Hawaiian Puke
for getting engaged.
Hashshit: Nominations were Dual Jizzbags for being her, Steamer for
leaving his child with MFC, Fussy for the ugly dismount which caused her
to gash up her knee, thereby making her late to scribe trail properly.
It sucks to win the hashit when it doesn’t show up for the hash.
Fussy won the vote, but has managed to avoid the hashit all year long.
Guess she’ll not have to carry it during trail as she’ll be setting up
for the White Elephant trail!
Next Week’s Hash
MVH3 #756 -- Sat Dec 15, 2001
Hares: TipHer WhipHer, Sloppy Drunk & Babysitter
Start: Parking lot near the zoo – off of Tilden & Beach
From Virginia:
From Route 66 eastbound into Washington. Stay in the left hand lane as you come across the bridge. There is a sign for the E St. Exit bear left there and STAY LEFT. Once again stay all the way to the left and go down towards Whitehurst Freeway. Once on that road, again stay in the left hand lane and when the road splits again take the left hand exit for Rock Creek Parkway. Stay to the left once again where the road will split. Go to the light and go right onto Virginia Ave and then right at the next light onto Rock Creek Parkway. Once on the Parkway stay on there for several miles, you will exit at the BEACH Road exit stay in the right hand lane (and DO NOT go towards Connecticut Ave) On Beach you will pass the zoo on your left hand side and keep going. You will go through one stop sign. At the first LIGHT on Beach road go left onto Tilden Lane and then immediately left into the parking lot located there.
If you are coming up 395 Northbound, take the Memorial Bridge exit off 395. Go to Memorial Bridge and stay in the right hand lane. As you approach the memorial there will be a right hand exit, take that exit. That will put you on Rock Creek Parkway, follow the directions above from Rock Creek Parkway.
From Maryland:
If you are coming off the beltway in Maryland take the Connecticut Ave. Exit towards Chevy Chase, stay on Connecticut Ave through the circle etc. After passing a Gold's Gym on your right hand side you will go about three lights. Take a left onto Tilden Ave. (There is a light there and it is the first major intersection after the Gold's gym) Go down about a mile and before you hit the light turn right into the parking lot.
Details, details, details……
Trail is A to B
PI Potential: Possible
Stroller Friendly: Walker's trail
Bring a change of dry clothes.