Trail notes
Trail started in a garage near Tyson’s. It was fun to see a lot of
folks especially Cyclops and ‘the Mrs.’ (Latin Analyst) whom I had not
seen for a while. Beastie Bush and Hadamadam showed up too!
It was raining and then it was sunny – then cloudy all over again!
We sang to Father Abe’ only to be interrupted by DAB to remind us, before
she forgot, that we could not start running until we’d gotten through Tysons
Mall.
Walkers followed the Elevator Guy, (Mr. Black Box) and the runners…well, screw them! Who knows where they went. Anyway, I had the pleasure of Stained Sheetz, Blazing Straddle, and Cunning Runt to entertain me on the trail. There weren’t too many walkers, but Red Snapper, Porta Potter and Keilbastard was with us and helped poor Elevator Guy from getting lost a time or two..
First, we crossed Rt 7 at International Drive…. Does this seem like a smart thing to do at 10 am on a Saturday? Well, what can one expect from the Killer Bee’s?! Then we worked our way into the Tysons Mall, entering at a public entrance. Porta Potter was asking Keilbastard if he’d brought his credit cards with him as we strolled past Georgetown Leather… we all commented on the new Apple/MAC store in the mall (upper level near Anne Taylor) as we walked straight across into the Nordstroms entrance. You should have seen the employees giving us the once over. Out the door we walked and headed through the parking lot and up the hill to a less traveled area of the parking lot. It was pretty uneventful – can you tell?
We walked into another partially completed building and a few runners caught up to us. I think it was B’cuz He Can and 2 other young’un’s I didn’t recognize. Cunning Runt called out to them to stop and make themselves known – but they blew us off so we went back to our normal conversation. We also walked behind a building and descending a leaf infested slope. It became a very attractive place – almost like a park – until we ascended to a freshly paved parking lot.
Note to all who were stupid enough to get covered in the rank stench of fresh tar & asphalt. It doesn’t LOOK like or SMELL like Mud – why would you run into it……… CRAZY PEOPLE!
Then we walked parallel to the beltway through a private neighborhood with an especially nice deck in the back yard. In fact, I’d like to build a deck just like that next spring. I’m taking volunteers now. Just sign up with Oil and I… there will be plenty of beer and food…. Step right up!
It was in this neighborhood we discovered we must be close to the end.
Because we stumbled on to Black Box and BBT on trail. They’d come
to see where we were so they could estimate how long it would take us to
show up at BBT’s house. I guess they wanted to make sure they had enough
time to get dressed again before the hashers arrived. This is where
I noticed Nippless Cage and Porta Potter both flashing some new gemstones
on their fingers.
As the inquiring reporter, I caught up to them and inquired, “I must not be giving a “monica” correctly… no matter how much I practice, I still can’t get a ring out of the deal! Can you give me some advice?!” Porta Potter advised that she would not date someone very long before she would anticipate a ring. We discussed, very briefly, my 2 year rule and how that had failed me 3 times… I didn’t get a chance to ask Keilbastard his advice on all this – maybe we’ll have installment 2 in next weeks trash. Just then, Nippless jumped into the conversation – she’s acquired a rock with less than 1 year and all was wonderful in the land of love. We discussed the general techniques of “the monica,” and moved on to more pressing issues.
Now, having crossed Gallows Road, we knew we were headed onto Madrillion which is just around the corner from the suspected on in. Just our luck, it was less than 5 mins away – as the walkers arrived to lern the runners were already molesting the chow line. I searched and sniffed out the alleged margarita’s.
I asked Black Box and BBT where the Margarita stash was being kept. See, I had IMd with Barney’s Bitch the days preceeding thte hash to find out if he was coming to the hash. He said he was in charge of the Margarita’s - they rock! So, I was anxious to end trail and get my hands on one that morning.
I was so disappointed when Black Box informed me that Barney had other
plans which had kept him away that morning.
There were no Margarita’s after trail.
Now, personally, I can’t think of a better reason to do a Killer Bee trail. There are supposed to be Margarita’s! It’s the Killer Bee drink of choice! Clearly the rest of those Killer Bee’s need a lesson in this and I think they should have their Killer Bee licenses revoked until they do! Damn it! I ended up with a beer and a diet coke.
While passing out the trash, I noticed some green things sprouting in
Crafty’s hair. Poop Deck tried to assure me that was not unusual, but I’d
like to make a general announcement that No one should share a comb or
brush with Crafty for fear of what start growing on your own scalp.
On-In
Virgins: No ones a virgin by the time they get to Mt Vernon!
Visitors: Just Whitney, Just Meridith , and Just Jane WHOREY (I think there is a hash name in the FMB….), Bad Bush (WH4)
Returners: Quick Drawers, Hadamadam, Respecticle Testicle, Dr. Jekyll, Big Bang, Dr. Strangelove, Hawaiian Puke, GBOF, Mrs. GBOF (aka Bite Me Elmo!), Phat Guinea, & Missing Link
Anniversaries: Just Scott (5), Pinkie Penis (115), Puts It Out/ Suck My Dick (125), Slip Knot (225)
Naming: Just Christa MacArthur, great grand-daughter, thrice removed of the highly decorated Sino- Russian War, General Dougals MacArthur, known for his cunning strategies including the “Blitzkreig intervention of 1976”. Christa, following in her Grand father, thrice removed’s footsteps, is also in the military. She is an MP at some undisclosed location where women don’t wear Berka’s. That’s about all I heard…except for the shouts of “CRAVEN MOREHEAD.. CRAVEN MOREHEAD.. CRAVEN MOREHEAD”. Naturally, that was the 1st name added to the growing list. Others included such lame suggestions as “One Woman, One Hand”, “Winne the Pohh-tang”, “Oxy Moron”, “Whack-em Jack’em” and the winner was….”Cuff Me – Stuff Me”. Clearly the cries for “Jizz Rag” went un-noticed.
Violations: I was really pulling it out of my ass…since DAB decided to use everyone I had noted for violations into the circle before she called on me! So let’s start with the award for “DUMBASS of the Week” which is presented to Byte Lightening for actually driving to the Pentagon expecting to hash, AND telling DAB he did it!
Next, was the obvious lack of golden bands on the hands of GBOF and Mrs. GBOF. Who, after only 3 weeks of wedded bliss are admitting marriage is over-rated, advising friends not to do it…. Hmmmm… are they swingers? I guess its just a matter of time. But, in line with the newlyweds, we had to call up the 2 newly engaged harrietss, Nippless Cage and Porta Potter. Aside from my conversation, recanted earlier in this trash, the harriets daunted those of us ‘sans diamond jewelry’ (barf puke, vomit!) at the circle and compared diamond, clarity, cut, and carat with Ms. Black Box herself – while the future Mr. Ms Black Box, and the future Mr. Ms. Porta Potter looked on and rolled their eyes.
For the TRUE violations, the scariest of all was the new hood ornament on the beater VW rabbit ‘driven’ (if you can call it that ) by Bad Dog. While waiting around for the circle to commence the trail, BD, climbed on to the hood and windshield of his beater. What a frightening hood ornament, not to mention dangerous! Imagine if you were the driver and BD’s ass was in your face for the whole trip. Scares me just writing about it! Oh yeah.. then a bunch of old fart hashers (really Quick Drawers is the only one I remember seeing), were “OOOhing” and “Aaaahing” over the beautiful new green Ford F350 (I think) in the garage. I didn’t know to whom it belonged, but I found out that it was free to ROTO when he bought his 200,000th twirlybird for his beany! Then of course, I had to pull in Latin Analyst and French Toasted for wearing maps of the trail on their shirts. PIO/SMD would have too but he forgot. Of course, the only REAL reason I showed up and let Oil of Nolay off the hook this week was because Barney’s Bitch told me that he would be co-haring and making Margarita’s. So, I had a plan with Oil to come scoop me up after I’d had a few… but there WERE NO MARGARITA”S!! So, I made the Killer B’s drink. Then, I pointed out that GBOF had raided the closet of Long Time No See-er, Steamer’s Bitch with those horrible Halloween pants he was wearing. Last, we called in Missing Link for having 500+ hashes but only running about 200 of them.
Hashshit: I only know that it was between DAB and Byte and DAB got it for bitching about MVH3 hares setting long trails but she did the marathon and wrote a TRASH about it, just last week.
Next Week’s Hash
MVH3 #752
Date: Nov 17th
Hares: Pinky Penis, Womb Bromb, Wankers Aweigh, and Hot Gimp
NO FREAKIN’ DIRECTIONS SENT TO THE SCRIBES
MVH3 #753
Date: Nov 24th
Hares: DAB, FMB, Well Drilled and Womb Bromb
Start: Potomac High School in Woodbridge (Prince William County)
From all points North take I-95 South to exit 156 Dale City/Rippon
Landing exit. Follow towards Rippon Landing. (Stay in the very left hand
lane. If you get to rest area you've fouled up and gone too far). Go to
second light and make a right onto Route 1 South. Follow for about 1 1/2
miles to the fourth light and make a right onto Four Year Trail. Follow
this around to the first left, make the left and into the parking lot and
park and hash. This parking lot is before the high school so if you get
to the parking lot on the other end sit there and wait. You'll see us run
past you shortly.
Of course, you'll be a late sign in and will have to drink for being
a dumbass.
Dog friendly - No dogs please. We are ending on private property.
Stoller friendly on walkers trail only.