Trail notes
I make mistakes and seldom learn from them. At most, that makes me consistent. Case in point, although it is now Monday morning and I’m writing this w/ the full intention of NOT going to the Pentagon lot (the site of NEXT week’s hash) Saturday morning, chances are well above 60% that I will jump in the car (alone), look the Trash and direct my stupid ass right there to the Pentagon. Hope you all remembered to (1) never trust the scribe (Oil), Fussy is “catch as catch can…” and (2) call PUD*JAM0 after 9 am. ~ Oil
If you show up at the wrong location – blame Oil or Throbbing Member….
I claim no responsibility if you can’t get your ass to the hash…. I have
a hard enough time getting mine there!!!
~ Fussy.
So, it’s the first time in about 5 weeks that I’m stuck writing the trash again. Why did I ever volunteer for this God-awful job? Oh yeah…. My friends Black Box and MFC needed a reliable scribe…. I should had another beer and kept my mouth shut! Well, here goes…. If you think this SUX,… YOU try and write a trash, smart-ass!
So, trail started out somewhere off 35th and Garfield. I knew I didn’t have enough close when hypothermia started setting in when I was walking the half block from my car to the woman screaming on the side of the hill (DAB). My ears were about to freeze off! I saw And-Hows-Her Bush lavishing in the cold grass of the hillside, pretending that the shrinkage factor wasn’t really bothering him… while attempting to suntan his pasty white legs.
Immediately, I was accosted by this tall man with brown- gray- white hair who grabbed me and hugged me to stay warm. It wasn’t Oil.. he knows better! It was Spinal Tap in disguise!!! What a relief! I thought at first it might be Cheap Slut trying to pick me up to seat me in a nearby pile of dogshit.
Once I realized that Spinal Tap and Hasher Humper were in attendance, I decided that I would not crawl back to the car and nap while everyone else was on trail. I decided that I could handle anything those 2 senior citizens can… more or less at least.
Shortly after we started on trail, I had the luck to meet Elevator Guy, the guy with a big wad in his pants (so Black Box brags, if you’ve seen her ring) for the first time. Of course… I had to stop and vomit on trail.. when these two come walking along hand in hand… puke! And, I aint talkin’ the Hawaiian variety! Sure he seems nice enough but gawd, BB… drag this poor guy along by the wrist.?! Can you imagine what their home life will be?? Whips and chains and all!
So.. we set out to freeze our collective asses on trail. I guess trail was so challenging that one of the hares who shall be named Holy Tit! Decided the other hares were familiar enough that he didn’t need to set trail that day… and it was cold, so he slept in! Why the hell not?! I guess he figured that our resident porn celeb, Well Drilled and Yes Dear had trail covered as long as Get me off held down the fort in the kitchen!
Anyway…. We walked on a lot of asphalt and ended up DFL’s.. as we ate the dust of the old man flying by us. Spinal and Oil didn’t hardly look back… we coulda been accosted! Those bastards!! On entering the Rock Creek Park trail… Oil stayed back, letting geriatric MFC and Spinal venture onward as he waited for HH and I. We had a very interesting discussion of the George Washington Health care plan that is soon to be no more. If anyone needs assistance during open-enrollment, when you’ll be forced to select a new provider… I can give you my opinion, I think I’ve had them all! Yup – we talked insurance on trail! How bout that for exciting!
HEY!!! Yeah you.. its’ 1:10 am WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? QWICK WIT??? GO SOMEWERE else or deal with it!
So blah blah blah….. long store long… Back Seat Box must have strayed from the runners trail as he came upon us shortly after entering the steep terrain of the park. I haven’t seen BSB in a long time.. it was nice to have him back! Hello to Minnie! So… it ended up that Spinal waited on us… and got a bit stranded and the younger geriatrics had to help the older geriatrics. We were a bunch of sad old farts… I think we all fell on our asses at one time or another. It was a tough trail strolling in the park having to watch out for your elders!
Then.. we got out on a main street… then we went back into the park somewhere near Klingle. I recognized the road from a WH4 hash years ago but I’d never be able to find it again. Then… we got back in the woods and met the lovely old lady who lived in a shoe and wanted us to sign a petition to keep the DC government from repaving the broken road to build on it. I think she had a bit of the nip that mornin’ as she wasn’t too shy about confronting us. I guess since we were the tail end of the pack, we were deserving of some ridding thanks to those who came before. It was here I noticed the copious amounts of pink surveyor tape on all the trees. Some kid was kindly ripping it off a fence for us – and it was nly luck that we saw it scaled up the side of a mountain, as we began the ascent of K2.
It was at the 2nd base camp that Spinal fell on his ass, gracefully, I might add but still.. we reached the summit in no uncertain time and sent our faithful sherpa Oil back to rescue the expeditions leader.
You think this trash is boring dontcha? Oh yeah.. well if you think you could do better with one hand tied behind your back why dontcha just try?!! Huh? Oh yeah? YEAH! I thought so… crawl back into that hole!
So then we found our way back along the sidewalk on CT Ave, I think, with no sign of another hash- life in any proximity. We walked behind houses in an alley. I heard the familiar voice of DUAL AIRBAGs stepping up to ask for violations. Clearly, she thought the hares had skipped out again. NOT TRUE – we were just stuck on trail. We made our way in.. and that’s where I saw everyone including…
HOT LEGS, POOP DECK, Chappaquickdick, SNOT, CRAFTY, PUT IT OUT, Black
Box, Tip-her Whip-her, Well Drilled, DAB, FMB, Hard Drive, Elevator guy,
MFC, Stained Sheets, $50 bitch, WOWO and the mutt, Red Snapper, Late Cummer,
FPG, and Vominatrix. Anyone else, I ignored.
On-In
Virgins: Just Michael, Just Paula
Visitors: Fore Inch Hole (Atlanta H3), Bwana (Black Sheep, Atlanta), Pudley (Dayton H3), Just Anne Marie
Returners: Back Seat Box, Butt Plug, Tootsie, Red Snapper, Pork & Cheese, Just Cathy, Just Patty, Spinal Tap & Hasher Humper
Anniversaries: Pork & Cheese (5), Tip Her Whip Her (45), Throbbing Member & Fussy Bitch (both at 55), Dual Air Bags (305), Red Snapper (315), Hard Drive (425), Cheap Slut (575)
Naming: Just Mariah, a lawyer, was offered such darling monickers as Dispute Resolutions, Sour Puss, Puker Up, Foreskin and Sour Puss. The winner, however, was offered first. For evermore, our little Mariah will be known throughout the lands as Get Me Off.
Violations: If you went to the Pentagon this morning, you’ll understand why your scribe, Oil of Nolay, was dinged for his absent-mindedness. Leave It In Beaver (environmental), Butt Plug (losing her wallet on trail), Chappaquickdick (taking his finder’s fee out of the wallet prior to return), Wowo (bailing on Twazzzup for the Marine Corps Marathon), Late Cummer (maintained cranial integrity on the run this year, forcing FPG to bear the blow for her)
Hashshit: Chappaquickdick edged out the ‘ring finger-primping during circle’ Black Box, Finger Pickin’ Good (was it that he offer some white trash a pearl necklace ..??), and Dangerously Close who was accused of heinous mis-calculation by Tip-her Whip-her. It might have been a close race if Chappaquickdick hadn’t whipped out the bumper sticker he bought to save Klingle Park during trail. He was sooo proud of that bumper sticker! It deserves a place of honor like a home on the Hashit.
Lastly, there were no official announcements but I’d like to take the time to offer one myself.
GO YANKEES!!!
Next Week’s Hash
MVH3 #751
Date: Nov 10th
****** NOTE SPECIAL PRICE *******
Hares: Pinky Penis; Womb Broom; Hot legs; Wankers Aweigh
Cost: $5 and worth every penny of the extra dollar, if only to have a warm and dry on-in
Place: Pentagon North parking, far away from the building and all those 17 year olds with machine guns. ADC map 17 G5
Directions:
From 395 south, take exit 8B and follow signs to Pentagon North Parking
-and keep an eye out for rubber neckers as you go by the Wound.
From 395 north, follow signs to north parking as you near the Virginia side of the 14 St. bridge. Go past the Pentagon River Entrance to the far end of the parking lot.
From 66/American Legion Bridge, take GW Parkway to Washington, after passing Memorial Bridge there will be a sign to 395 South - take a left to North Parking immediately after turning onto the 395 South spur.
Metro: You can't get there from the metro so don't even try.
Miscellaneous: Dry bag and dry shoes always recommended.
Dogs & Strollers: Dog friendly only if they don't mind fido being tied up & left outside at the on-in (that goes for stroller occupants also)
Gratuitous space-filler by OIL
An Italian guy was overheard talking to himself:
"Emma come-a first, then I come-a next. Two ass-a come-a together, then I come again. Two ass-a come-a together one more-a time, then I come-a again. Then-a pee-pee a-come, and I come-a one last-a time."
"My God! Why is he talking like that in public!?"
"Ahh, don't worry about it. He's practicing for his citizenship
exam. He's
just trying to spell Mississippi."