Trail notes
Aaah, what a beautiforous day! Sun is shining, not a cloud in
the sky, my muselix is doing it’s magic … what’s not to love? I get
to the start just as the pack is leaving (the mark of a scribe, missing
the start … showing up after “Farther, Abraham!”). Blank Check used
his Herman Munster-esque boot to kick me in the ass and get me going on
trail. Just as we enter the woods I overhear Dual Air Bags ask, “Hey
sweety, you want me to hold that for ya?” Seems like I’d heard DAB
say those words in a dream about 7 am that morning. And here we are,
still morning, still woods. Continental Drip, Rutro and I all vied
for DFL of the walker’s trail today. Surprised was I to find Kielbastard
here at MVH3 three damned weeks in a row! And, he’s a hare!
Must be a woman in this puzzle here. So, we’re on the walker’s trail,
meandering through the woods when we pop out onto a busy thoroughfare to
be met by Pulls Out Early pushing his daughter in her stroller. Back
into the woods we go, clomping (if there is such a verb) through goo …
sounds like a porno or a heavy-metal album, doesn’t it? Clompin’
through the goo. The lowlight of trail came when DAB “assisted” Slipknot
up the embankment after a creek-crossing. DAB’s fingers seemed to
linger on Knot’s buttocks.
Off in the distance we heard a low rumbling. Thinking it may
be a herd of water buffalo in migration, Don’t Let Your Meat Loaf and Organ
Icer both put their ears to the ground. From out of nowhere lept
a sweat-soaked, glistening Bad Dog, clad in a terry-cloth headband and
fuschia leg warmers. In a flush, he was gone. And we found ourselves
at the On In.
On-In
Black Box is gonna spank me, your scribe, Oil Of Nolay (remember, Oil
Of Nolay, a spanking from Black Box … ppprrrrrr!).
Oh, Dammit! Here’s the sign-in sheet info:
Virgins: Just Nancy, Just Brian, Just Katherine
Visitors: Head Nurse, Wood Stuck
Returners: Little Big Man, Kum Soon, Shock Cock
Anniversaries: Kum Soon & Shock Cock (5), Phat Guinea & Double Blow 7 (15), Standard Deviant (25), Tastes Like Chalk (45), Whore Moans $ Pulls Out Early (75), Big Bird Turd & Black Box (215), Continental Drip (285), Mary F*n Poopins (300).
Re-namings? Both Organ Icer and Kiel Bastard were defending today. Who can (or would) argue w/ a woman who puts spare body parts in the cooler? OI kept her name easily. Defying the allure of FMB’s favorite naming option of CSRW, the pack decided to stick w/ what works. KB is still, KB.
Violations
The pre-eminent media slut of the month is (bare breasts, please) …
Holy Tit. Check this shit out. HT weasled himself into an interview
on National Pubic Radio’s “All Things Considered, Weekend Edition.”
So, you believe your Scribe is, once again, full of shit? Hear
Holy Tit’s flagrant media-sluttiness yourself at: http://www.npr.org/ramfiles/watc/20011006.watc.07.ram
OK, Ok. So that was the week after the week I’m SUPPOSED to be
writing about. Here are the violations that occurred this week:
Quick Drawers. Need we say more? Those drawers. Throbbing
Member decided to defile the beloved hashshit by trouncing Black Box’s
lovely (albeit very scary to those of us prone to antiphylactic shock)
little bee in the mud on trail. Poor, poor bee. Insects were
a common theme in this week’s violations. Here’s the more sordid
tale. Insect Erotica. (some little-known, and, probably, imagined,
history) In Ancient Egypt, ladies of means would, should we say … pleasure
themselves by having the stingers removed from several dozen bees.
A cage of tightly woven reed was built to fit around, hmm, let’s call it,
the woman’s nether-regions into which the harmless drones were released
to buzz around, hence, providing stimulus to the woman’s … nether-regions.
Apparently, this practice has been updated for the Northern Virginian male.
As I was enjoying a beer today I bore witness to a man harboring a spider
amidst his … nether-regions. This entomological fetish explains his
name, Never Been Blown.
And finally, the saddest and most absurd of violations, Ranger Dick.
But, he’s my hero. Given just one opportunity, I know I’d be butterin’
some muffins all mornin’ well, OK, for about 3 minutes, 18 seconds.
But, then again, that’s why I’m Oil Of Nolay.
In case you haven’t heard …
The Army 10 Miler has been cancelled this year. Poop Deck has
offered an alternative.
Poop's Wicked Brewing Co. Replacement Ten-Miler
For those who now have nothing to do on October 14th at 8:00am, you
are invited to the Poop's Wicked Brewing Co. Replacement Ten-Miler.
The trail starts and ends at the Washington Sports Club in Centreville
(This is a couple of doors down from Green Mansion Florist, Snow Fairy's
shop). The course will be 10 Hash Miles (somewhere between
9 3/4 and 10
1/4 miles) and will not be flat. There will be one water stop
at the ~5 mile turn around point.
Depending on how many join up for the Replacement Ten-Miler, the post-r*ce breakfast will be either at my house (across the soccer field from the start/finish) or at Payne's Family restaurant (around the corner from the start/finish).
Additional Info:
This is not a r*ce, if you've seen how fast I run, you would know why.
However, that won't stop you from finishing and saying you won. (Ask
Blank Check for lessons)
The course will not be marked very well, but there will be a course map at the start. If you get lost on trail, run for 5 miles turn around and come back to the start.
Official Times provided by Omega Precision Timing. (I have the official watch. Time how long you're in before me and I'll figure out your offical time when I finish.)
Sponsored by Poop's Wicked Brewing Co. A limited supply of Poop'sWicked Octo-Beer Fest (When six just isn't enough) will be available.
Fees: A six-pack deposit is optional (The key word above is "Limited"). This deposit will be returned to you "chilled" when you complete the run.
Directions: Let me know if you're coming and where you're coming from and I'll send you directions.
Volunteer/Spectators: All Volunteers and Spectators are welcome.
Just .show up and we'll designate you as either a volunteer or a spectator.
Next Week’s Hash
Hash # 747 joint hash with BAH3
Date Saturday October 20th 2001
Start Time 10:00am
Cost $4.00 USD
Cost for the Renaissance Faire is $11 guaranteed if you pre-register
w/FSOR. Full Price is $14.95.
KutzGD@HQDA.army.mil (703) 538-4384.
If you wish to do the Renaissance Faire only and not do the hash or
circle, pre-register w/FSOR.
Theme: Renaissance Faire. Come as your favorite Lady
or Knight. Knaves and Wenches will be flogged.
COSTUMES ENCOURAGED! Wear on trail or change after!
Hares: For Sale or Rent, Love Canal, Southern Discomfort, Mystery Hare
Web address to the MD Renaissance Fest is: http://www.rennfest.com/mrf/
Leave a little early it will take you about 30 minutes from route 50
and the beltway.
(ADC) Maps: Maryland Anne Arundel County Map 19:F6
Once you get to the Renaissance Faire look for the hares arrows, flower and feet at the entrance. Tell the parking attendants that you are with the running group and they will direct you to where we are parking, or just look for the clustering deviants.
From inside Washington, D.C:
From the Capital Beltway (495) take exit 19A, Route 50 East, the John
Hanson Highway. (If you live inside Washington, take New York Avenue East,
which takes you right to 50 East to Annapolis.)
Exit at Route 3 North. Follow Route 3 North 2 miles to Route 450 East.
Turn right onto Route 450 East. Proceed 6 miles to the intersection of
Route 450 and Crownsville Road and turn left at the light. (There is a
Quick Mart convenience store at the intersection.) Proceed 1/2 mile and
the Festival is on the right.
Miscellaneous: A to A’ Bring dry shoes and Ren Faire wear.