Start: 3330 N. Kensington Street, Arlington,
Home of Black Box, our fearless leader.
Trail, on and off the beaten path
I gotta admit up front, I wasn’t happy about being at the hash on Saturday.
Afterall, I should have been hashing with the Emerald Coast H3 in the swamps
of Eglin Air Force base or digging my feet in the white sands of Okaloosa
Island. Since I changed my plans, thanks to a few unhappy terrorist
events, hashing with MVH3 didn’t draw the usual enthusiasm it has before.
Folks arrived on time but to our surprise, there weren’t as many red
dresses as we expected. No great loss – but don’t make us kick your
asses next year! I confess, I gave all mine to goodwill but would
wear my stank anyway? Oil has a lovely size 16 if anyone still needs
a trade. It’s only slightly stinky but otherwise just perfect!
Wasn’t it nice of Roto to willingly do a down-down from his amazing
new shoes? He just wanted to prove they were leak-proof and cover
his ass with a pre-hash down-down. So sorry he had to drink again
later for it. Besides, Cinderella’s don’t like to drink alone.
It was a little chilly at Black Box’s house and as the crowd started
to gather, BB called us to circle and we all headed into the back yard.
Given the past weeks tragedies, Ms. BB asked for a moment of silence before
calling together Father Abe. It was definitely a subdued version, as the
silence reminded us of all that we witnessed and endured this week.
Trail was great, it was picturesque. BB lives in a damn nice
neighborhood on the other side of the tracks, I might say. The walkers
took a short cut from the runners, and ended up meeting with the runner
trail just as the FRB’s came flying by. Walkers were led by our fearless
leader Stained Sheets who had a map and only managed to get us lost once
or twice. I noticed a couple of fancy dressed folks strolling along
and thought, ‘These people don’t look like hashers’ until I realized it
was Only 2? And Just Deborah Mary in from BAAAAHSTON for a brief visit.
They dressed far to normal to be with the hash… but then I took a closer
look at Only 2?’s shirt and realized he must have confused this weeks hash
with last weeks IAH recovery run. He wore a shirt of stars and stripes
just like you can buy at any WalêMart in Texas.
I wasn’t feeling too perky, not unlike Maj. Bill Smith, and decided
that I wasn’t very good company. Nurse Crotchet was walking with
me but we soon separated as we came upon the H20 P very quickly. My little
hasher wanna-be doggy, Sandy, was thrilled to be milling about with everyone
but refused to partake at the H20 P. Damn Bitch! Well,
what should I expect for a dog that’s 12?! Anyway… at the H20 P we
noticed some of Fairfax Cty’s finest just hanging out behind the school.
They didn’t seem to notice us or care what we were doing, so we kept on
our way.
I know that at once point in time, before the H20 P, I was last in
pack with Loan Shark and Cheap Slut. Lemme tell ya, that’s a treat!
Everyone should try it at least once! Loan Shark was complaining
of the noxious fumes that CS supposedly emits. CS wasn’t denying
any of it… but has anyone looked at LS’s shorts lately????? Lemme
save you the trouble…you could be emotionally scarred for life. I can’t
comment on CS’s gastrointestinal issues, I can say that. Besides,
if I did, he might try to sit me in a pile of dogshit!
Did anyone notice how unusually Blank Check looked this week?
I mean, it wasn’t the giant lumbering Velcro plastic shoe he was wearing…
it was the other stuff. Scary!!! I guess he “broke his foot”
just in time to move into his new house so Rutro could do all the heavy
lifting…poor thing! I’d recommend she drop something heavy on his
good foot. He’d have the makings of a great Frankenstein Halloween
costume!
Seems the walkers never came across the runners on trail again. When
we left the H20 P, there was no sign of runners or trail. I figured
I was safe if I followed SS. I had been blindly following BBT and
Burrito but they were discussing war in the Middle East and I’d heard enough
about that on CNN, so I got the hell outta there. My bitch and I
were both wheezing by this point. I’d made her run and I was wiped
out. So was she!
Then, along came Standard Deviant and ChappaquickDick for a few mins
to stroll with us. Chappaquickdick was quick to inquire as to the
status of AOLTW stock and whether I’d stayed with it. Of course,
I recommend the stock as a BUY at any point in time, especially NOW.
Call your brokers on Monday – it’s not been this cheap since 1996.
And like the battle cry of the Olde South, ‘it too shall rise again’.
Trail for walkers was a decent 2 miles of asphalt. No one tells
me about the runners trail except the occasional hare. If anyone
ever wants to contribute about the runners trail, just send Oil or myself
a paragraph or 2.
Visibly absent from trail were Late Cummer and Indecent Proposal, stranded
in the Carribbean. Duck Job & $50 Bitch, Dumb Blonde &
Transparent D’s. Even Hot Legs stayed home this week. And where
the hell was Missing Link and Yes, Dear? Did they get lost under
Mighty Tight’s red dress? Oh, wait it was Snatch Shot who got lost
under Roto’s red dress. Snatch Shot got a short little sequenced number
that was hanging on the rack…..and then the Pizza arrived. Wasn’t
that about the time that Spinal Tap and Hasher Humper showed up???
On-In
HARES: setting an example for the others… Hard Drive, Cunning Runt, Dr. “J”.
VIRGINS (who made them cum): Just Deborah Mary, Just Waylon. Who knows who made them cum? Do we really want to know who does that for them?
VISITORS: Just Scott, Just Ed, Can’t Lay Shit, Miso Beachy, Two Hands Full, Happy Feet. I wanna know.. are @ Hands Full and Happy Feet a couple? Maybe they should get together….. that could be an interesting duo. At least it’ll gimme something good to write about.
RETURNERS: it hasn’t been THAT long since we heard Tip-her Whip-her making her announcements at MVH3 for the NEXT FULL MOON HASH…… Also present were Cums Faithfully, who hasn’t been cumming all that faithfully at MVH3 since she got named 2 years ago at the Tricky Dick run on M & 23rd downtown. Lastly, there was Mama’s Boy.
ANNIVERSARIES:
Organ Icer (5)
Raise My Titanic (5)
One Man, One Hand (15)
Turkey Timer (15)
S’not (145)
Milk Money (215)
Blank Check (450)
DEFENDING THEIR NAMES this week were Boy Toy, Looney, and Wanks with Wolves. It was apparent to even a blind man, that Wanks and the Toy were not going to battle much to keep their hash-given identifications.
NAMING: Looney on the other hand was not so lucky. RA DAB sent Looney away so we could talk about him. It happens that Looney, while a generally nice guy, thinks pretty highly of himself and gave himself a 1,000,000,000 seconds birthday -- aka 30th – 2 summers ago. He hared the trail around Georgetown, in the guise of a Full Moon Hare. For all the running up and down the Exorcist Steps, he was nominated, ‘Stairway to Nowhere’, and ‘Escher’ but DAB didn’t know who Escher was so that one didn’t take,(here ya go http://www.worldofescher.com/). Holy Tit! Offered that Looney had to rent a car once and ended up with a min-van…. Which caused Looney to be renamed, SOCCER MOM.
HASH SHIT: Short Bus Bitch and Well Drilled won it last week, as you may recall, for registering to complete som 100 mile extreme running or swimming event out west. With the lack of airlines flying this past week, they missed the whole thing! L SBB showed up, thinking Well Drilled would too. SURPRISE honey – you got hung out to dry! Our little porn star (ref hash #727 and the porn we found on trail) wasn’t able to be in attendance, so we voted to let SBB keep it for another week without 2 much issue. All I can say is that SBB got plenty of beaded accessories. She can probably use them as the top half of a red dress, like some women do at Mardi Gras.
Our beloved DAB must have forgotten the lowly scribe who are the envy of everyone. Just as she was about to call circle complete, dear Ms. Red Dress, Black Box, herself, called DAB’s attention to the violations.
Violations included Becuz He Can and Roto for being Cinderella’s, Byte Lightening for not checking in after the pentagon blew up, Aunt Flow for getting laid all too often, Only 2? for dressing like he thought this was the IAH in Austin, Big Bang for shaving a few weeks early (Red Dress isn’t for at least 2 more weeks!), Dangerously Close for not calling Blank Check in for his 450th run, Blank Check for not running with a broken foot.
Rumor has it, Turkey Timer should have gotten a violation for driving Hawaiian Puke’s beloved Porsche to the hash. Too bad no one told me in time… BURRITO!
Love and Hugs to all,
Fussy
Next Week’s Hash
Run: # 744
Date: September 29th, 2001
Hares: Porta-Potter, Nippoless Cage, Shellacking the Bishop,
Dry Cock
Start: Fox Mill District Park/Crossfield Elementary School, Reston, VA (ADC Map 6, Grid A11)
Deeerections:
Directions from 495 and 66
Find your way to 267 (Dulles Toll Road) and take the Reston Parkway
exit. Go South on Reston Parkway for about two miles. Left onto Lawyers
(just past the Reston South Commuter Lot and the Fire Station), then a
quick Right onto Fox Mill. Go about a half-mile and make a Left into Fox
Mill District Park/Crossfield Elementary School. Park, pay and hash.
Dog- and Stroller-Friendly Factors
Tough dogs ok (depending on the heat and humidity, of course); strollers
strongly discouraged unless you’d like to carry them.
Miscellaneous
The hares recommend an extra-thick application of Ivy Block for EVERYONE,
as well as the usual dry shoes and clothes.