Start: Fairfax County Public School's Dept of Information Technology
3701 Franconia Road.
Trail, notes Macadamia Nuts and Kona Kooter
When we arrived at the school, there were tons of small little people
and I thought for a moment I was in the land of Lilliput. I looked
at myself in the mirror and with relief, I had not turned into Gulliver
but all those little people were running around inside the fence.
It was KK who told me that those little people were not running aimlessly
but actually mustering together a game of T-ball. Isn’t T-ball out
of season now???
Anyway, with no clear direction, I drove around the parking lot until
I heard the voices of Ranger Dick and Love Canal calling out to me.
They were coming up Franconia Road looking heated but not sweaty at all!
I was wondering if they had just taken a stroll down the street together
and forgotten entirely about trail. We told them we’d discovered
the best shortcut ever, on the front windshield of Black Box’s car.
It was the easiest shortcut I’d ever seen – and best of all, it was Right!!
You never know where you‘ll end up when you follow that crazy blonde!
Trail was great, it was picturesque. We heard birds singing.
Ate some fallen coconuts, by dashing them apart with a sharp rock, and
talked to our friend the Volleyball, Wilson. I discovered fire.
It’s this really neat flame-like thing. I learned about it because
my thighs rub together really fast when I’m running behind a moving vehicle.
I digress.
Back to the trail then. When we left, we did not wait up for
RD & LC, so I have no clue what happened to them. Trail was winding.
It was kinda long, but not too short. It took me up and down a lot
of streets. I saw some sidewalk, some neat mudhuts, a few cool glass
houses, and even saw a gigantic volcano eat a man alive!! I guess
someone forgot to feed old Mt. Whackamytnutsoff!! If you go anywhere near
Mt. Whackamytnutsoff you’re entitled to be spewed upon by lots of hot goo
or eaten whole. I don’t recommend that. It’s like standing
next to FMB when he’s been lost on trail for a long time. He tends to spout
goo on poor unsuspecting bastards who cum too close.
I heard that there were a few fools who followed Quick Drawers as he
veared off course. Haven't you learned yet? Don't follow anyone
who is over 45 carrying chalk, that isn't following the rest of the pack?!
Yeah, and don't follow a blond when she's pretending to read a map - you
know… they can't! Don't follow Byte Lightening, Dr. J or Cunning
Runt - they'll blow right over you if they solve the back check and then
you're really screwed! Don't follow Blank Check… if you follow him,
he thinks you emulate him and before you know it, you'll be dressing like
him too!
Ok, you've left me no other option……here is an abreviated list of MVH3
Do's and Don't's ---
v Don't follow Cheap Slut - you may land in a pile of dog shit if you
resemble his Grand-son… or you may end up looking like his other twin!
v Do bring a map of trail - in case you end up following a blond.
v Don't take anything Dual Airbags says personally…. Yeah right!!!
LOL hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha
v Don't run with Just Matt (the guy with the parrot hat) - you'll end
up requesting him to sing show tunes and then everyone will want to rename
you.
v Don't try to name anyone Jizz Bucket, especially if you don't have
a name already. Note, we already have someone named No Way in Hell.
Do try to name someone Jizz Rag - it has a nice ring to it.
v Don't eat anything that Runnin' Bare ever offers you from a jar.
v Do bring your own Poison Ivy protection from March to November.
v Don't rub PPV's belly - she's covered in dry goo and you may end
up needing some too.
v Do attend any hash that Spinal Tap and Hasher Humper hare at - the
food is bound to be fantastic.
v Don't leave camp.
v Do eat anything prepared by Stained Sheetz, Cork Screwed or Hands
Solo. Never skip a hash hosted by Roto and Night Crawler.
v Don't go jumping out of airplanes just cuz some crazy hasher named
Pulls It Out says you should.
Someone shouted that Holy Tit! was just a-head but, he looked like his
head was attached to the rest of his body and he was moving pretty fast,
so I assumed everything was normal.
Anyway, on the way into the end I saw lots of neat cars in a really
nice neighborhood. I thought for sure no hasher could live here and
someone must have been house-sitting or maybe even broke into a house to
pretend it was really their house just for the hash. Then I saw Byte
and Dr J in the front yard and that ‘splained it all. Whenever those
2 are together… it’s a scary thing. I heard someone call out my nerd
name, and turned to see Ukhugh getting out of a little red space mobile.
She’d just landed from a recent trip to Neptune to voice travel a visit
Air Biscuit and his new baby hasher. She told me mother and baby were well.
As I rounded the house to the back, I saw the gaggle of really badly
dressed hashers, some with Coconut bra's (Late Cummer - God, what I'd give
to be able to wear a coconut bra!), some with really ugly hawaiian shirts
(Hot Legs, Yankers Aweigh, Hawaiian Puke and Flying Burrito among others),
most just wearing a lei and hoping some hot think will fall at their feet!
What? Do you think lei's grow on trees? Could you be so lucky?
After the stress of seeing Mt. Whackamytnutsoff engulf some poor unsuspecting
fool, it made me hungry and I headed for the chow table. Actually,
I was looking for a nice cheap lite beer. What I got was a series
of personal down-downs stolen by the stealthy and oh, so cocoa looking
Hard Drive! I couldn't get close enough to the food… it was being
hogged by some other starving hashers sobering themselves after drinking
too much beer from the tap right in front of them. Circle started
and that was that!
On-In
HARES: setting an example for the others… CorkScrewed, Stained Sheetz, Whore Moans, Leave it in Beaver, and Pinky Penis.
VIRGINS (who made them cum): Just Christa, Just Jim, Just Ron, Just Mike, Just Hannah. Who knows who made them cum? Do we really want to know who does that for them? It could be a bit scarey not to mention messy!
VISITORS: Just Shanna checked out MVH3 - thinking the White House was just too wild for her. She wasn't sure but she thought that MVH3 was too geriatric.
RETURNERS: It’s a long time cumming since we've seen these pussies, afraid to show their faces at MVH3 but Pussy with a Porpoise and Pussy Galore graced us this week.
ANNIVERSARIES:
Wanks with Wolves (5)
Boy Toy (5)
RAS (25)
$2 Head (25)
Ukhugh (50)
Lady Bugger (55)
Dangerously Close (115)
Bavarian Bush got her fancy personalized shorts in celebration of her
300th run! OOOOOO AAHHHH
Lastly, the head hare, Stained Sheetz with 515 runs!
While all of this was going on, I was distributing the hash trashes from the previous week. I hung out with Screws Everybody and Hard Drive was my little toady, getting me beer after beer. What an excellent butler he would make!
NAMING: This week we had a re-naming of Battery Operated Buddy (BOB).
Apparently she hooked up in Austin and somehow earned the name Roxy Operated
Buddy or ROB.
HASH SHIT: Leave it in Beaver was kind enough to bring back the Hash
shit after his global travels. This week, he adorned it with a used condom.
How thoughtful that he saved it for us! I wonder if there was any
goo in it ???? I guess I could ask.
Other nominations for the Hash Shit included Hot Legs, who was racing the hashers in her wheelchair. Short Bus Bitch and Well Drilled are competing in some crazy 100 mile race out west, and they need each other to rub each others legs. I'm sure there were other nominations but, I was too drunk to remember at the time and no one wrote it down for me. So SBB & WD won it!
I saw something interesting as we were cleaning up the cups and the trash. There were extra hash trashes left sitting right next to the keg. Hmmmm. I wonder why????
Another interesting site was Stained Sheetz chowing down that amazing pineapple chicken! It was so tasty. SS showed me how he can clean a whole drumstick off in 1 single bite - and he repeated it a lot. It was cool!
Next Week’s Hash
Run: # 744
Date: September 15th, 2001
Hares: Rocky Whore, Cums in 3 Qts, Late Cummer, & Cork Screwed
Start: Someplace at the end of Yates Ford Road
Deeerections:
From 395 or 95, Exit at Springfield, VA, onto Old
Keene Mill Rd. heading west. This road ends at Fairfax County
Pkwy. Take right onto Pkwy. At first light, take left onto
Burke Lake Road. Take this Road (which changes its name to Clifton
Road) until you can take a "left" onto Yates Ford Rd (to get to this point,
you will pass Yates Ford Rd where you can only take a "right" - don't go
that way). Take a left and follow this Rd to the end. Park.
From 66, take Centreville exit 53 (Rt. 28 exit) and
head to Centreville. Take a left onto Lee Hwy. (Rt.29) (I believe
at the second light - big intersection) heading east. About a mile
later, take a right onto Clifton Rd. (this Rd. in about 4-5 miles will
eventually bear right just before it enters town). In town, you will
cross railroad tracks and at 3 way stop you need to go straight.
This road is Main St. (it will quickly change its name to Kincheloe Rd.
outside of the town). At four way stop of Kincheloe and Yates Ford
Rd., take a right and go to the end. Park.
Start is at ADC Map 19 - D13
If you get lost, drink a beer and ask the horses for directions.