Start: Iwo Jima Memorial, Arlington VA
Finish: Picnic area, Fort Meyer
Zee Trail, notes from the trenches
38 of us met at Iwo at 930 am to carpool to the airport. Miss Hot Legs had bagels, yummy bread and coffee. We ate up and piled into to the cars and were on our way until Hot Legs couldn't remember if she shut off the coffee pot. We asked her all weekend long about her pot and if she thought she might have a house to return to.
Well, Saturday started off with a fine meal from some purple mexican place. They have a book in Arlington called "101 Ways to Cook Cornchips" because we had them every single meal - even for breakfast. But it was very good, lots of hot oatmeal, eggs, some kind of mexican chip thing and beans and rice and stuff. That had to feed you rib sticking food because they were trying to kill you off with the trails that were coming in an hours time. Lots of people - let me see if I can remember all of our members, did the famous BallBuster -- BushWhacker, Tastes Like Chalk, Rutro, Blank Check, Boy Toy, Head Nurse (who, by the way is drinking for his media slutiness - he was caught on the Labor Day Video as saying" Yes Mom, I pussied out and drank 7 shitty Arlington beers!") were the folks I remember. They swam at least 1/2 mile and ran for damn near 13 ( I think) up and down the Arlington hillside, through briars, shiggy - lots and lots of mud, woods and such. Some were heard saying their balls were definitely left hanging on one of the many barbed wire fences that were on trail. Some of did Long 3, S'Not, Stained Sheets and I can't remember who else said this trail was very fun. Apparently they crossed a single lane train bridge ( and if you slipped you went down through the slots as it was a train bridge with no solid bottom ) and there were trains that came from both directions and if you were on the bridge - you were dead unless you jumped off. So, no one got hurt but other than that I think it was a good trail.
Most of the medium trails were scenic and some were fun with lots of
creek crossings and water and lots of Arlington mud. It had been raining
for like 6 solid days before Labor Day. Some counties had more rain in
one week than they get all year so you can imagine what the trails all
looked like. Myself, The Clorox Kid, Nurse Crotchet, Pudnocker and Wanks
With Wolves all decided to do Long 2. Well, Long 2 came right out of the
pits of hell. As soon as we stepped off the bus and I saw the hares all
wearing black hoods and chanting to the devil I realized I had made a mistake.
Then this big hole on the middle of the earth opened up and flames came
out and we knew were shortly all going to be roasting in hell. The hares
telling us all to take a bottle of water was not a good sign. SO off we
went. We were lost within 1/2 mile. One of the devil worshipper hares had
to get us going the right way and off we were again for about 1/10 of mile.
The next 2 1/2 hours (I shit you not) were spent trying to find trail in
miles and miles of briars. Lots of briars. Briars hanging from the trees,
briars coming out the ground, briars fu**ing right there and reproducing
right before your eyes. They would reach right out and tear the skin off
your legs and you were left with gaping wounds. In fact, The Clorox Kid
was trying so hard to get out of the briars he jumped over BushWhacker
and left a gallon of blood on BW's back! Once you got out of some of that,
you got to wade in water - ok most waded, I swam, and since it had been
raining for days the water was very swift moving. AT this point it washed
all the blood off and felt good because the 100¡ weather was damn
near choking you to death. Ok, then it started raining and we were only
about 11/2 hours into trail. So we dealt with that and that cause all the
dirt to trun into more sluch and everytime you tried to go up a hill or
an embankment you slipped down or fell. And I do mean fall.
Screws Everybody and myself thought it would be fun to try repelling
without a rope. A rope would have been nice. But when trying to kill yourself
having a rope is not a good idea. Good thing my airbags deployed instead
of Screws Everybody's or we would have died. As it was, she hurt her back
and arm real good. I had the airbags and was more shook up than anything
else. Which put me in quite the good mood as you can well imagine. SO!
after 21/2 hours we finally came to the BEER STOP. I wanted to call it
quits but since no one else was, I peer pressured myself into going on.
It's a good thing because I sure wouldn't have wanted to miss the GIANT
POSION IVY they have there in Arlington.
Poison Ivy God Bless It. Trees just crawling with the shit. I got it
on my face, my bottom and I no longer have legs. they have turned into
PI trees. It just keeps growing and growing. I love it. It's a good thing
I don't have a boyfriend because he sure wouldn't want to be anywhere near
me in a pair of shorts. Fabulous. Absolutely fabulous! But my legs don't
compare to what is left of The Clorox Kid's. He is walking wound. Infested
with PI. Yum. Poor bastard.
So after another hour we got to the second beer check. Ok I was ready
to quit. But no one else was so once again I peer pressured myslef into
trudging on. I sure wouldn't have wanted to miss calling the hare and f*ing
idiot to his face. Oh yes. And so on we went through more Arlington crap
before we needed to cross I-35. Well you can't cross so you have to go
under. Well under is about a 95¡ grade of cement. Absolutely nothing
to hang onto or you got to go for about a 50 foot tumble into rocks and
then into the creek. Hydraulic Jack-off had to crab-crawl his way through
the rocks and as he got about halfway, all the rain had made the far end
very slippery. Worried he was going to bust his ass, since he nothing
hang onto,HJO became somewhat annoyed when one of the hares standing at
the bottom and yells, "Watch out - that might be slippery". Yeah, ok ,where
is my gun? - this idiot needs to get put out of my misery. On we went and
finally after 4 hours and 45 minutes (this did include the beer check stop)
we made it to the on in. No food, no water and very little beer left. Let's
do some down-downs. Screws Everybody and I get called into the circle for
being DC Bitches (duh) and we proved how bitchy we were since we walked
out of the circle and refused to down-down. Besides, my toy's
on the blink and the repair shop's closed! I don't know free falling
off that ledge just kind of changed my mood a bit. Maybe not for the rest
of you but I was think trail perhaps was ummmm, dangerous since I have
never before feared that I might die on trail. Hmm. tends to make you angry.
And we all know how much I LOVE dumbass hares. Hugs hugs kiss kiss kind
of love.
After all the fun we went to the feild for the On In and the food.
You had to get to the field. Did I mention it had been raining? About 1/2mile
down the beer truck was stuck in the mud up to its axles and a 4 wheel
drive was busy driving beer to the finish. When you finished walking that
3/4mile road you were absolutely covered in mud. When you finally got there
the food was awesome - big-ass burgers expertly prepared by Poop Deck (hey,
isn't this an ecoli risk here?). And enough beer to help you forget how
bad L2 was.
At the end of circle was our mock-GM meeting where we gave our presentations
for whatever year we are bidding for and you get to vote for the winner
of where the next Labor Day hash will be held. Spinal Tap sent in a fabulous
proxy vote for Antartica in 2005!
He even mapped out the ballbuster trail and that looks like you might
have a tough run! ( it was a joke bid and pretty damn funny at that) .
Rumson put on a side splitting bid for IAH in 2003. If you don't know the
story Rumson puts on a joke bid every year and this year had people crying
on the floor. If you don't have big boobs you're out so I won't see you
there. As Hot Legs noted with excitement, the next Inter-Americas Hash
will be in Costa Rica!
After all this excitement, we decided to eat again and Poop Deck whipped
out the meat … great breakfast at the purple mexican place. Really good
food and plenty of it. You swapped which trail you did, L3 was closed -
train tracks apparently ARE dangerous (who would have guessed?) and L2
should have been shut down. I think only 5 people got on the bus, and I
heard 2 people got so lost even the hares couldn't find them after they
swept the trail. I heard they came down from the Quarterdeck somewhere
around 7 pm after walking all the way back from DC. Hmm. I bet they were
pissed. Then, just before the MP's ran us off we held a quick funky/ formal
ball! Some of the dudes need to wear more than a thing - you know who you
are. Thongs and men = BIG MISTAKE. ughhh.
After the ball, we squeezed in a Fatboy run and it was very, very hot
out (about 78 degrees!). We walked for about a mile or 2 and then Poop
and FMB again slung out the hashcart -- had another great feast of bbq
sausage, turkey or brisket, beans, potatoes, cole slaw, ect and they even
had pink lemonade. After the food was the final circle and a re-enactment
of the butt chugs done the previous hour when the owner of the bar some
hashers were in thought that butt chugging was ummm, too much perhaps?,
and so he and pulled out his shotgun and cocked it ! I heard tell 14 hashers
have never run so fast in their life! SO that was fun! Then we got bussed
back and you were on your own. All in all, it was rather interesting. Putting
together a hash that intense is a tough task - even tougher when the weather
cooperates.
The hares did a great job - we had lots of great food, two trails to
chose from (runners or walkers), lots of beer, we held a mock-vote for
IAH and they did an awesome job with the funky/formal ball!
You missed a truly annual event.
VIRGINS (who made them cum): Cynthia Fairbanks and Zoe Konovalor (we don't know who made them cum, but, here, let me do some thinkin' on this … oh yeah, there we go, who's your virgin?)
VISITORS: Just Karl, Wet Spot, Little Jimmy, Show me your tits bitch, Head Nurse, Just Kimberly, Can't get twat
Returners: Wild Bill Hickey Cock, BushWhacker, Ass 4 Cash
ANNIVERSARIES: Horny Toad (15), and FMB (285)
Namings: Just Shane had a little run-in with some amorous midgets
on trail. They left him sporting hundreds of tiny hickies on his
legs. Par usual, ribaldry and lewdness flowed freely during the naming.
What won out, though, was his lack o' melanin. From hence forth,
we give you, The Clorox Kid.
HASH SHIT: It was not here. We ceremoniously skipped over this
ritual until our beloved HS returns from Austin next week.
Next Week’s Hash
Run: # 742
Red Dress Exchange Hash
Date: September 15, 2001
Hares: Hard Drive and Cunning Runt
Directions:
From I495, take I66 East to the Westmoreland Street Exit (Exit 68)
At the bottom of the exit ramp, turn left on Westmoreland
Go to the first traffic light and turn right on Williamsburg Blvd.
Go through the next light and stay in the middle bearing to the left
past the CVS (staying on Williamsburg)
Go about 6 blocks and turn right at the mailbox onto Kensington.
3330 is the 4th house on the right.
Lost enroute? Call 202-PUD-JAM0.