Run date: 25 August 2001
Hares: French Toasted, Dr. Strangelove
Start: King’s Glen Elementary School
Finish: Same.
Trail
We arrived at the appointed start only to find that a construction
crew was tearing up the parking lot. Luckily there was plenty of
on-street parking and the hash gathered around Dangerously Close’s car
and waited patiently for the start of the festivities. It was here
that the Scribes made their grand appearance. They drove up,
hopped out of their car, modeled their going-to-a-wedding attire (Brief
Aside – No matter what Fuzzy wears, she sure breathes well), passed out
the Trash, hopped back in the car and then, as an after thought, named
me, your humble servant, Stained Sheet,s as the Deputy, Junior Under Assistant
Sub-Scribe, responsible for the trash. I was originally planning
on walking since I normally walk and had broken a couple of ribs the previous
week so I asked some of the runners for help gather dirt on the runners’
trail and, of course, got none. I thought briefly about running but
the hares mentioned something about rope climbs and I knew I’d be doomed
if I tried.
What follows is an account of the trail when the runners adhere to Omerta, the code of silence, and reveal nothing of their trail for fear of reprisals from the Hashing Gods.
After the runners left we happily followed Black Box down the hill toward a small community park. Her instructions had us going to the park “where we would intercept the true trail.” Didn’t happen, however, we did INTERCEPT THE HARES.
After we turned them loose they were kind enough to mark the trail for us and we marched on. We stayed mainly in the woods on running and biking trails and had a delightful time for about an hour until all the fun circuit breakers began to pop at once. No problem, we only had another half hour on trail and two water stops – meanwhile, the runners had already been in for fifteen minutes. Drinking, what was, rightfully, walker’s beer.
While walking down hill and attempting to mark the trail with chalk, Flying Burrito, in a feat of herculean strength, tore up a thirty foot tree by its roots and caste it casually aside. Note to runners: All we walkers can do things like that, so don’t mess with us and don’t drink our beer when we’re a little tardy to the Down-Down.
Nurse Crotchet was walkng Seamus on trail. The little rascal must have a two quart bladder crammed into that eight pound body because he was marking trail by urinating on a tree every ten feet or so. Noting that Flying Burrito was marking the trees with chalk about eye level, Nurse Crotchet remarked,”Men, it doesn’t matter what size or even what species, they all mark their territory, just some a little higher than others.” FB and I vied for her attention claiming to be the highest markers she would ever meet. Nurse Crotchet just ignored us. Fortunately Flying Burrito and I are both married men, so being ignored was not about to shut us up.
We continued this walk in the woods for a total of an hour and a half, catching only fleeting glimpses of the runners early, but seeing none for the last hour or so.
On-In
All the runners were gathered around a keg at the School amidst the
construction workers when the walkers arrived. The beer was great!
The choice of venue was less than ideal. A quick review: elementary
schools in Virginia are Drug Free Zones. Alcohol is a drug.
Many of our number work in the public school system. The public school
workers, one of whom left because she did not want to be associated with
beer on school property, would be placed in a very awkward position if
they were even seen, much less arrested. Many times school property
borders a park. In that case, if you’re in the park you’re still
breaking the law but at least it’s not on school grounds. Just be
careful and considerate folks.
VIRGINS: A cute little couple showed up, Just Pete and Just Jodi. Don’t know who made them come but they looked like they had some staying power so we might see them again.
VISITORS: Will Donaldson, Just Manny, Sphincter Cycle, and Turd Bird.
Returners: BMW, Twassup, Packed with Semen, K9 Jelly, GI-HO, Garfield, Just Tommy, Just Nicky, Satan (bet she doesn’t give a damn about any No Drug Zones), Helicopter Ho, and Lobster Lips.
Anniversaries: Turd Bird (5), Gound Chuck (5), Just Shane (5), Shalaking the Bishop (15), Packed w/Semen (15), LobsterLips (15), Missed Erections (69), PIO/SMD (115), 3 X a Lady (155), Pud Knocker (285), Cunning Runt (345), Dr. Strangelove (355). And a special presentation of the much coveted rain jacket to Tore Ass for his 200th Hash with MVH3.
Violations: Yea, there were several, but not many. I didn’t write them down and neither did the Religious Advisor and here it is Tuesday and they are already lost in the mists of time as far as I’m concerned. The hash is doing a bad job of screwing their buddies, it’s getting harder and harder to get the dirt. If you won’t rat on your buddies, our only other alternative will be to cut and paste the accounts of violations on long ago hashes that most of you have forgotten about. Remember folks… be creative with your violations. Make sh*t up!! Your scribes are Type A and can’t think up creative ways to twist the tales in 5 minutes or less. We’re not that smart.
HASH SHIT: Many are called but few are chosen. Dangerously Close
did a poor job of explaining why she shouldn’t keep the hashit for another
week but she was saved by someone even more screwed up than herself.
Leave It In Beaver had gone condum shopping earlier that day and apparently
got the size and shape right but needed a little training on exactly what
to do with it. He came to the hash sporting his newest purchase
on his right pinky! Whore Moans said she had never felt so safe when
shaking hands. Needless to say Leave It In Beaver was the winner
by acclimation.
The hash ended and the crowd dispersed!
Next Week’s Hash
Run: # 740 Annual We Ate The White Man Hash
Hares: Stained Sheets, Corkscrewed, Whore Moans and Leave It In Beaver.
The 7th, 8th or 9th (we've long since lost count) annual "We Ate the White Man Hash" will be 8 September in the tropical paradise of Alexandria. Two years ago we gave away hats and shirts so you have a week to search for them. If you don't have a Hawaiian shirt go out and buy one or you'll be out of costume. There will be bonus giveaways for grass skirts and coconut shell bras. The food will be in the Island tradition and will be spectacular again this year
For most of you this is your one chance this year for a sure Lei so mark your calendars accordingly.
Attached below is the story by Kimo, I Wanna Lei You, one of the founding hares for the WATWM Hash, of Cpt Cook and his part in the holiday tradition that started with his unfortunate naming of the Hawaii as the Sandwich Islands.
The year was 1779. Great Britain was at the peak of its power and looking for new worlds to conquer. Hashing was in its infancy when King George II ordered Captain James Cook to "Explore the South Pacific, and locate a productive Hash Route". King George (this was his nerd name, his actual Hash name was "Sticky Panties") needed this information in order to Hare a Prussian/ Crimean Hash later that year.
Captain Cook (Hash Handle: Peg Leg) headed South and found himself enchanted by the native Tahitians, Samoans and Hawaiians. He was especially enamored of the native women and their massive bodies, most weighing in over 300 lb.
After sea hashing through several South Pacific islands he headed for a Down-Down in Hawai'i. It was during a raucous celebration that Captain Cook began lusting after a portly Hawaiian woman named Kamanaiwannaetu (Hash Name: Big Bertha Butz).
Because of a perceived slight towards Kamaniwannaetu a violent struggle broke out between the good Captain and her husband, during which Cook was killed by a single blow to the head with a rock.
Traditional Hawaiian custom, of the times, was to consume anyone killed in battle. This served two purposes: (1) it kept the women large and, (2) it reduced the number of cemetery spaces required in the islands, thereby allowing for more Japanese Hotels and Golf courses to be built in later years.
When Statehood was granted in 1959, the new State of Hawaii developed several unique state holidays. La Kamehameha (Kamehameha Day), in honor of the Hawaiian Chief who united the Hawaiian Islands and La Ai Ka Make Haole mai Britannia (The Day We Ate the White Guy from Britain)
The September 8th, Mount Vernon Hash House Harriers celebrates La Ai Ka Make Haole Mai Britannia.
Start: Fairfax County Public School's Dept of Information Technology 3701 Franconia Road.
Directions: Directions: From 495, go to Telegraph Road South. Make a right on Franconia Road. Look for school over top of the hill on your left.
From Kingstowne/Van Dorn, go east on Franconia Road past Rose Hill. School will be on your right.
Park at the front and back of the school. Additional parking across
the street at the church parking lot.
Dogs OK, but dependent on heat and humidity. You know your pooch
best – he’d rather stay home in this stinky weather.
Strollers not advised. As usual, a dry change of shoes and clothes
may come in handy.