Run date: 11 August 2001
Hares: Mellow Foreskin Cheese, KeilBastard, Vominatrix, Becuz He Can,
Puts It Out (AKA: Sucks My Dick)
Start: Parking lot above I-66 by Washington Lee High School.
Trail
Behold the Power of Cheese. Or is that, Behold the power of “Cheesehead”.
Actually, I don’t think “Cheese” had anything to do with it. If this
week’s theme was The “Head” (Who said “Head”?) Hash, just as many, if not
more, Long-Time No See-ers would have showed up. But whether it was
the “Cheese” or the “Head” (Who said “Head”?), it was good to see these
some of the hashers who had dropped off the face of the earth and got a
life. RAS and Bar Maid returned after a long, long, long absence
(RAS was probably just trying to keep Bad Dog away from Bar Maid).
Eat Me for Breakfast received a kitchen pass for this weekend and showed
up in his best Green and Yellow hashing outfit. Even Spinal Tap and
Hasher Humper made their annual pilgrimage to MVH3 this morning.
A Dual Airbags look alike was also showed up. She looked remarkably
like Dual Airbags, except her tights didn’t exhibit any of the fashionable,
strategically located rips and tears.
Promptly at 10:00, the hares took of in a cloud of flour. But since
two of the five hares are on my “Can’t set a trail worth Sh*t” list, I
decided that I was going to short cut early. After Father Abraham,
the pack went right while and Chappaquickdick and I went left. (Who
in their right mind would follow a trail laid by both Puts It Out and Becuz
He Can.) Our trail was great, lots of shiggy, water and remarkably
well marked. Not bad for following a DCH4 trail that was set the previous
Tuesday night. It even ended at Mellow Foreskin Cheese’s house.
But, even though I didn’t run true trail, I can probably guess exactly
what happened. Trail wound its way past Mellow Foreskin Cheese’s
house and towards Spout Run. The first part of the trail was probably
poorly marked and that would make Dr Jekyll, Cunning Runt and Byte Lightning
run in circles looking for flour. Trail would finally lead through
some parkland trails to a long, dark, wet tunnel. Fortunately, no
ambulances would be needed. Then the trail would slowly wind its
way back to Mellow Foreskin Cheese’s house.
Once in, everyone was treated to a typical Wisconsin cookout, Brats
and Beer. But not just any beer, but some warm Leinenkugel Red and
lots of ice cold Schlitz. What more can you ask for? Maybe
a show or some other entertainment? Well the hares delivered again.
Dr Jekyll was coaxed into doing a very bad imitation of Dual Airbags.
This was followed by Puts It Out whining about the pack not being able
to read Spanish markings. Encore, encore. Hey, wait a minute, I just
found the last Old Milwaukee. I’m in “Cheesehead” heaven.
Anyway, I digress. After Roto pointed out that ketchup, no matter
what color, does NOT belong on a Brat, I tried to coax out the violations
from the trail. It’s amazing how many of you will f*ck in your buddie,
just to see them drink Schlitz. I had enough violations written down to
keep the circle going for hours.
On-In
VIRGINS (who made them cum):
Just Johanna – wearing what looked like new shoes, said the MVH3 Webpage
made her cum. (Good job Harddrive)
Just Scott – Can’t remember who made him cum, but I’m sure it wasn’t
Harddrive.
VISITORS:
Brian Bonds – WS2H3 (Wisconsin State Society Hash House Harriers, otherwise
known as “Friends of the Original Bill Wagner”)
Twig – DCH4
Caminito – DCH4 (Tore Ass brought both of them.)
Just Craig Harvey – Who know’s what hash he’s from, the Religious Advisor
didn’t write it down.
Returners:
Snatch Key Kid, RAS, Bar Maid, Ground Chuck, Eat Me For Breakfast,
Free Refrills, He Whore, Hasher Humper, Spinal Tap, Have Dick Will Travel,
Cyclops (These hashers will do anything foran can of Old Milwaukee.)
Anniversaries:
Snatch Key Kid – 5 Becuz He Can – 115
El Guapo – 5 Late Cummer - 165
Cyclops – 25 Dual Air Bags - 295
Vominatrix – 25 Roto – 300
And the leader of the “Get-a’Life” Club:
Cheap Slut – 565
Roto celebrated a special MVH3 anniversary and was presented with his 300th run shorts. (For $1200, you too can get a special pair of MVH3 shorts, make the check payable to Poop Deck, please wait 6-8 weeks for delivery. Sorry, No COD’s). He proceeded to drop his sarong and put on his shorts. (This makes two weeks in a row we’ve seen a little too much of Roto. He must be in training for the America’s Interhash.)
Violations:
Several hashers who shall remain nameless; Chappaquickdick, Standard
Deviant, and No Genitals, rebelled against the CheeseHeads and wore their
Minnesota Vikings and Chicago Bears shirts. But an even more heinous
crime was committed by Cyclops, one of the native CheeseHeads, who came
to the CheeseHead Hash out of uniform.
The hares drank for several violations on and off trail:
Mellow Foreskin Cheese drank for leaving work early on Friday just
so he could mow the lawn for the hash. KielBastard drank for not
providing enough Schlitz for the hash. Puts It Out (AKA: Sucks My
Dick) ,Becuz He Can and Vominatrix drank because the trail was so poorly
marked. Apparently, Vominatrix got lost while marking the trail because
she didn’t wear her shirt that had the map of the trail on the front.
Cheap Slut, Blazing Straddles, and Loan Shark drank for being Late Sign-Ins.
Double Blow 7 drank for whining. He couldn’t get any beer because
other hashers were sitting on the coolers, so we gave him the opportunity
to drink in the circle.
The most unusual violation went to Dual Airbags because she was caught
stuffing her running bra. I guess she was trying to insert new side
impact bags.
Chappaquickdick, the Original Beltway Bob, drank a special media slut down-down for getting a mention in the local Post.
C.R.A.F.T.Y. drank for finding the Cheesehead shirt that was left on the runners’ trail for the first hasher who ran down a long hill to a BT and Black Box drank for finding the Cheesehead shirt that was left on the walkers’ trail for the first hasher who went down a long BT.
Have Dick, Will Travel was brought forward for a renaming on his sixth
hash. But the stories were so boring that we let him keep his name
so we could get back to drinking.
HASH SHIT:
Black Box was nominated because she had to leave the hash before the
circle so she could get her hair done. Loan Shark was nominated for
letting Slip Knot beat him in. But since the Hash Shit wasn’t present,
both drank just for being nominated.
Next Week’s Hash
Run: # 740
The 3rd Anal Cheap-Labor Day Hash
Hares: Kathy Lee “Sweat Shop” Gifford, Roy “Dog Food” Rogers, Ronald
“Rigged” McDonald, Dave “Thick and Juicy” Thomas, Sam “Prick Club” Walton,
Lee “Yu-Go Girl” Iacoca, Ross “Big Sucking Sound” Perot, George “Fake Oreos”
Meany, Samuel “Two Beers” Gompers, Jimmy “Lost on Trail” Hoffa, John L.
“Will Work for Beer” Lewis, Uriah “The Redskins Stink“ Stephens, Eugene
V. “Bring Back Norv” Debs, Frances “Losing Season” Perkins.
Start: Iwo Jima Memorial
Directions: This Hash is so Cheap that we couldn’t afford directions. The start is at the Iwo Jima Memorial, get there any way you can and hash. If you absolutely must have directions, you can either 1) pay any of the hares $10 bucks and they’ll draw you a map. (For $20, you also get a map of the trail.) or 2) ask a Marine.
Dogs: OK, but dependent on heat and humidity. You know your pooch best – he’d rather stay home in this sticky weather.
Strollers: No problem on the Walkers trail. Minor problems on the runners trail.
As usual, Metro cards, union cards, green cards, time cards, passports,
overnight bag, flashlights, repelling gear, compasses, Global Positioning
Units, tents, sleeping bags, Swiss Army knifes and a dry change of shoes
and underwear may come in handy.
On-On,
Poop Deck