Run date: 4 August 2001
Hares: JAG, Bullshit
Start: A little park off Annandale Road, Annandale VA
Finish: JAG and Bullshit’s house.
Trail
Another lovely day for hashing. The hares were right on
time, complete w/ fully-functioning bag vehicle, and they scampered off
to do their thing. The pack luxuriated in the moist morning air waiting
for Father Abraham.
Pulls Out Early, in preparing to write a new addition to the Hare’s Bible, has come up with 2 meanings for trail markings which are much more drunk-friendly. “T = tough; E = easy.” Remember that the next time you’re on trail, make your decision, pick your tail and thank POE when you get to the circle.
We departed from the park after Father Abe and headed off into the woods.
It wasn’t long before the pack confusion commenced and we all wandered
onto a BT. I recall Hard Drive mocking the fools who proceeded through
the BT, as we turned right on to true trail. Too lazy to run
in the heat, I attempted to remain in the Black Box crew with my niece
Just Kim, and Oil in tow. I went off on a side trail which was also
marked and ran parallel to the other trail. Oh, those tricky hares!
My trail dumped me back on to their trail, just in front of Bad Dog.
Great! Now, I realize I’m down wind of Bad Dog. God only knows
what he ate last night!!! I must pass him – a mere 2 weeks ago I
was behind him and wound up on the trail from Hell!
We weaved in and out of the woods, which was really nice given the
day was so humid. I recall keeping up with Black Box for a while,
discussing a future vacation involving a villa outside Florence, and what
a great deal I’d found on the internet, when we happened upon another check
and Hand Solo volunteered to climb the hill for us. By now, B’cuz
He Can had flown by and was happy to blow through the check on new flour.
I called to Hand, to no avail and I continued down the residential street.
We looked upon the beautiful landscaped yards, and those with 72’ Chevelles
on blocks in the drive. I noted the diversity of the neighborhood
as I looked back to see Sparky had joined into the gaggle of walkers.
Crafty came running up out of nowhere and singled out Oil of Nolay to say hello as he breezed on bye. AS we approached the water stop, we were pleased to see Crafty pouring cups of water as a good Samaritan would. Sans shirt, Black Box mentioned to Crafty that he’d be a sure-fire hit if he needed a job as a male stripper at the Hangar Club, her usual Saturday night haunt. Since she frequents the place… she’s got an “in” with the owners … I suspect we’ll soon be making another ‘Girls Night Out’ in support of Crafty’s new career.
After the H20R, I decided to be overly ambitious and run up hill…… “I think I can, I think I can, Why in the hell am I putting myself through this?” I cruised past a whole lot of folks on the way up including Dream Beaver, Dairy Queen, Secret Agent DumbAss, Half My Life with a DumbAss, Steamer, Sparky, Roto, and Pulls Out Early. Praying for the end of trail, I followed Bolo Head Rat who had solved a check and turned right with Dairy Queen in tow.
Only 4 more miles to the end of trail. We walked every residential street south of Rt 50 in Annandale. My compliments to the hares for the trail and their ability to completely nut up my sense of direction.
Ok.. this is getting boring, and it’s late. I’m tired and I want to go to bed. We walked out of the neighbor-hood, back on to Annandale Road and headed up the hill toward Shefield Street. There was the bag vehicle up the steepest hill I’d ever seen. I think dehydration and hypothermia set in by this time. We ascended to the bag vehicle and sought beverage.
On the side of a lovely and not too steep when you’re not too dehydrated appearing hill, we piled into Bullsh*t’s back yard, front porch, basement, bathroom, and even on top of his hot tub.
What a spread! I cannot go without a mention of the gastro-intestinal
treat we all shared on Sat. Aside from the gourmet hash hosted by
yours truly, Oil, Spinal Tap, Hasher Humper and Barney’s Bitch, this was
truly a fantastic feast. Not weenies on the grill like last week,
mind you. Beef, Pork and Chicken from Red, Hot & Blue with all
the fixin’s !! Damn, that was an awesome spread! Thanks to
Bullsh*t and Jag.
On-In
Had you been keeping an eye out for PI on trail, you’d’ve probably not seen a lot of it. Once you got to circle; however -- Big, meaty PI!
VIRGINS (who made them cum):
Four guys. Damn! Just Kevin, Just Eric (Just Kevin made
him cum … yuck!), Just Dale and Just Grant. No one showed us their
dix – wonder why we keep asking?!
VISITORS: A Cock or 2 Will do. (Geez.. how many do you need?)
Returners: Steamer, Lick It Off Bebe, Pointless, No Genitals, Big Bang, Sparky, Dairy Queen & Laser Shit. Ivy Licker, Snathc Shot, Whine & Cheese, Back Snatch, Bolo Head rat, Just Kim, & Half My Life with a Dumbass.
Anniversaries: Goomba (5), Dairy Queen (5), Bolo Head rat (5), Crafty (25), 14K (75), Slip Knot (215)
Violations: Cinderella. Don’t we know by now? You’d think we’d learn! Nope… not a chance. What is amazing is who likes to snitch on whom. This week, Mr. & Mrs. DumbAss were the lucky recipients of the new shoes down-down. As I called in SAD for his heinous violation, he argued his shoes weren’t new once he’d crossed the creek. Poor, poor SAD – don’t argue with the scribe. It can only lead to an argument with the RA…and she might make you wear her underwear (that’s really bad). We know when 1 Dumass snitches on the other…. They both partake.
I saw some folks I didn’t know, exchanging their underwear, or threatening to do so. After last weeks ‘grassy knoll incident’, where a few hashers who shall remain nameless (Hard Drive and S’not) flashed more ‘sack’ than I usually care to see….. I was fearful at those who might openly strip the underwear off of others. Now, we aren’t talking about Crafty’s audition for the Hangar Club. No Sireee….These folks included, Kenny G- Spot, DAB and Roto. My apologies to the poor fool who exchanged underwear with G-spot, it would have been much worse if you had gotten DAB’s.
Next, we asked some Marines into the circle. Roto announced that
Gomer Pyle had received a promotion to Lt. Corp at the ripe age of 71 –
and since we only had lame violations, we had a few step up and admit they
don’t wear their hair that way “just becuz its so stylish” and it keeps
the hair “out of their eyes”.
Then, we brought in all the Grand-Pa’s for a down-down, including FMB,
Pointless and Cheap Slut. When one RA drinks…. when 1 GM drinks….
We also made the announcement that a long time no seer with MVH3 had announced that he’d hitched himself to a Slav and wasn’t coming back any time soon. Since Major Disappointment wasn’t around to share the glee with us in person, we appointed Finger Pickin Good his look alike stand in and made him drink.
Virgins Just Kevin and Just Eric were asked to drink since they managed to lose their whistles between the start of trail and the On In. Note to hash – don’t follow these jokers on trail. Stick with Missing Link or Quick Drawers!
Remember folks… be creative with your violations. Make sh*t up!!
Your scribes are Type A and can’t think up creative ways to twist the tales
in 5 minutes or less. We’re not that smart.
HASH SHIT: Mary F&*ckin’ Poopins returned the Hashit
and the floor was opened to nominations. Fussy nominated Cunning
Runt, who was operating a Private Party without disrupting the circle.
Now, that’s unusual! Dangerously Close nominated Fussy for the lame
violation involving Major Disappointment. The hash nominated DC (aka Ophelia
Butts) for whining about the lame nominations. Due to her unusual
good behavior DAB managed to pass off the hashit to DC who earned it!
Cunning Runt and I didn’t stand a chance!
The hash ended and the crowd dispersed!
Next Week’s Hash
Run: # 739
Hares: Dr. Strangelove & French Toasted
Start: Kings Glen Elementary School in Springfield, VA, ADC map 21 grid K-5
Directions: From the Beltway, take exit #54 Braddock Road, West. Go approximately 1 mile, and just after the light for Wakefield Chapel Rd, turn left onto Danbury Forest Drive (there is no traffic signal controlling this intersection). Travel 1/2 mile and turn left into the parking lot for Kings Glen Elemenatry School. Park and hash.
Dogs OK, but dependent on heat and humidity. You know your pooch best – he’d rather stay home in this sticky weather.
Strollers not advised. As usual, a dry change of shoes and clothes
may come in handy.