Start: Out in Virginia!!! Can you imagine, DC Hashing in Virginia!
Hares: Battery Operated Buddy, Whore Moans, Cork Screwed, Leaver it in Beave.
He missed Dual Air Bags at the start. There was not much else
to do after Three Times a Lady took off at a speedy pace. Hard Drive
missed Dual Air Bags so much that he went searching hungrily through the
streets for Black Box, whose laugh and invisible tattoo he had never forgotten,
or the boozy, blowzy, bleary-eyed floozy, Rocky Whore, in the overloaded
white brassiere and unbuttoned orange satin blouse whose naughty salmon
colored cameo ring Poop Deck had thrown away so callously through the window
of her car. How he yearned for both girls! He looked for them
in vain. He was so deeply in love with them, and he knew he would
never see either again. Despair gnawed at him. Visions beset
him. He wanted Dual Air Bags with her dress up and her slim thighs
bare to the hips. He banged Twatsssup, who picked him up from an
alley between houses along trail, but that was no fun at all and he hastened
to catch the pack to find the friendly hasher in the lime-colored panties
(SADDLE UP) who was overjoyed to see him but couldn’t arouse him.
He turned right at a check, got lost early and hashed alone. He banged
a sassy short chubby girl he found in an apartment along trail, but that
was only a little better and he chased her away when he’d found out she
was not a hasher. He napped until lunch and then went shopping for
presents for Dual Air Bags, and a scarf for the hasher in the lime-colored
panties, who hugged him with such gargantuan gratitude that he was soon
hot for Dual Air Bags and ran looking lecherously for Pay Per View.
Instead he found Doctor Strange Love, who had made it to the circle, when
Love Canal, came in with Blank Check, The Pimp of Sarajevo, and French
Toasted, who would not go along on the drunken foray that night to rescue
Dairy Queen’s whore from the middle aged hashing big shots holding her
captive in a hotel because she would not say “Byte’s A Ho”.
“Why should I risk getting into trouble just to
help her out?” French Toasted demanded haughtily. “But don’t
tell Dairy Queen I said that. Tell him I had to keep an appointment
with some very important out of town hashers.”
The middle-aged hashers would not let Dairy Queen’s whore
leave until they made her say “Byte’s A Ho”.
“Say Byte’s A Ho” they said to her.
“Byte’s A Ho,” she said.
“No, No. Say Byte’s A Ho.”
“Byte’s A Ho,” she said.
“She still doesn’t understand.”
“You still don’t understand, do you? We can’t really
make you say Byte’s a Ho unless you don’t want to say Byte’s a Ho.
Don’t you see? Don’t say Byte’s a Ho when I tell you to say Byte’s
a Ho. Okay? Say Byte’s a Ho.”
“Byte’s A Ho,” she said.
“No, don’t say Byte’s a Ho. Say Byte’s a Ho.”
She didn’t say anything.
“It’s a start, now say Byte’s a Ho.”
“Byte’s A Ho,” she said.
“It’s no good.”
“No its no good that way either. She just isn’t
impressed with us. There’s just no fun making her say Byte’s a Ho
when she doesn’t care whether we make her say Byte’s a Ho or not.”
“No, she really doesn’t care does she? Say “Cheap
Slut’s a Ho.”
“Cheap Slut’s a Ho.”
“You see she doesn’t care about anything we do.
She doesn’t care about us. We don’t mean a thing to you do we?”
“Byte’s a Ho” she said.
She didn’t care about them a bit, and it upset them terribly.
They shook her roughly each time she yawned. She did not seem to
care about anything, not even when they threatened to throw her out the
window. They were demoralized hashers of distinction. She was
bored and indifferent and wanted to sleep. She had been in their
room for twenty-two hours, and she was sorry that these men had not permitted
her to leave with KumSoon and Don’t let your Meatloaf, the other two girls
with whom the orgy had begun. She wondered vaguely why they wanted
her to laugh when they laughed, and why they wanted her to enjoy it when
they made love to her. It was all very mysterious to her, and very
uninteresting.
She was not quite sure what they wanted from her.
Each time she said, “Byte’s a Ho they were disappointed. She wondered
what “Byte’s a Ho” meant. She sat on the sofa in a passive, phlegmatic
stupor, her mouth open and all of her clothing crumpled in a corner on
the floor, and wondered how much longer they would sit around naked with
her and make her say “Byte’s a Ho” in the elegant hotel suite to which
Big Bird Turd’s old girlfriend, giggling uncontrollably at S’not’s and
Tore Ass’s drunken antics, guided Love Canal and the other members of the
motley rescue party.
S’not squeezed BBT’s old girlfriend’s fanny gratefully
and passed her to Secret Agent Dumb Ass, who propped her up against a door
jam with both hands on her hips and wormed himself up against her lasciviously
until Flying Burrito seized him by the arm and pulled him away from her
into the blue sitting room where Doctor Jekyll was hurling everything in
sight out the window into the court. Full Metal Balls
was smashing furniture with an ash stand. A nude ridiculous man
with a blushing appendectomy scar appeared in the doorway suddenly and
bellowed,
“What’s going on here?”
“On-On” said Yes Dear.
The man covered his groin with both hands and shrank from view.
Doctor Jekyll and Full Metal Balls just kept dumping everything they could
lift out of the window with great, howling whoops of happy abandon.
They soon finished with the clothing on the couches and the luggage on
the floor, and they were ransacking a cedar closet when the door to the
inner room opened again and a man who was very distinguished looking from
the neck up padded into view imperiously on bare feet.
“Hey, you, stop that,” he barked. “Just what do you men
think you’re doing?”
“On-On” said Pudnocker.
The man covered his groin just as the first had done and disappeared.
VIRGINS: Just Mark Ginburg, and Just Naomi Seiburg, The’Burgs got their backs against the wall,
VISITORS: Orange Roughie (EWH3), Laura Gavechi
RETURNERS: Cold Sweats, Vominatrix, Spread Sheets, Mother Pucker, Yes
Dear, Love Canal, 4Sale or Rent, AssFinder, Pay-Per-View, Far From Scorin,
Generator.
ANNIVERSARIES:
StrangeLove, M.D. … 350
Sweats, Cold………… 155
Dick, Ranger………… 85
Pulls out Early……… 69
Whore Moans………. 69
Mother Pucker…….. 25
Love Canal…………. 15
Mountin’ Mama…… 15
McCockSucker……. 5
HASH SHIT: goes to Battery Operated Buddy who accidentally asked MVH3
to reimburse her for her “extra misc. items” on her cash register receipt
which included a PlayGirl magazine, and tampons.
Announcements were made for the DC Area Red Dress 2001; that registration will begin in July.
Has anyone noticed the Trashes are all posted on the website???? You can read the trash online – we submit them even before they are printed! Imagine the trees we’ll save doing that!?!
Next Week’s Hash
Run: # 734 (734)
Date: July 21st, 2001
Hares: French Toasted, Rocky Whore, Drops a Load, and a very
special guest named Sputdick or Acceptable Loss.
Start: Out in the ‘burbs baby! Parking Lot across from Bull Run Marina, Centreville ADC Map 25 Grid H2 or H3
Directions: To reach the parking lot across from Bull Run Marina,
take I-66 west, exit at Fairfax, south on Route 123 to Clifton Road, right
on Clifton Road, take a left on Henderson Road to Old Yates Ford Road.
Parking lot is on the left,
across from Kinchloe Rd. and Bull Run Marina. ADC Fairfax County
map 25,
grid G-H/3 (based upon a 1987 ADC map!)
Miscellaneous:
As usual bring dry clothes, shoes, and cute virgins.
Dog Friendly Factor: ok
Stroller Friendly Factor: No Way Jose.